Warne hopes the wheels comes off England's challenge
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"I'm a big believer that the coach is something you travel in to get to and from the game!"
Shane Warne has a dig at Australia coach John Buchanan.
"We slept under the stars in sleeping bags - it was wonderful getting bitten by the mozzies - I'm still covered in bites. We went orienteering in the middle of the night with kangaroos jumping around. It was just a wonderful time!"
Warne is a huge fan of Buchanan's 'boot camps'.
"Our bus broke down and delayed us for three hours so we practised on a roundabout."
Martin Allen reveals his unorthodox training camp for the MK Dons. It worked as they triumphed 3-2 at Lincoln City.
"People have been asking me what the Irish - in one word - will bring to the Ryder Cup.....alcohol. And if I could just add something to that - plenty of it!"
Putts aren't the only thing Paul McGinley will be sinking at the K Club.
"We still get food after the game - and maybe we will even get pizza."
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger looks forward to the post-match meal at Old Trafford.
Jim fixed it for Woodgate
"He went straight off to phone his dad. I think it's a bit of a boyhood dream and I was happy to play Jim'll Fix It!"
Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate on making local lad Jonathan Woodgate captain.
"She is the real manager of family life. You are the star outside, here you are not a star."
Jose Mourinho admits his wife wears the trousers at home.
"We're going to be working very hard in training - and it's not going to be nice."
Swindon manager Dennis Wise reacts to the club's first home defeat of the season by Peterborough.
"Even when you are out there in the middle suffering you have to appreciate a genius at work."
Brian Lara on Sachin Tendulkar's ton for India against West Indies.
"I was with one of the lads in the car the day before the game and a black cat walked past. We were hoping it was an omen and I slowed down to make sure we didn't run it over!"
Millwall's Zak Whitbread, whose side lost to Crewe the following day. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
"Funnily enough I ate some dodgy prawns, but I'd better not mention that to Roy
Manchester United full-back Phil Bardsley, out on loan at Rangers, after getting food poisoning.
"Oddly enough, he is related to Chelsea's Joe Cole, although it is through his wife who is Joe's brother. The fact they are all called Cole is a strange coincidence!"
Northampton boss John Gorman gets all confused over his new signing Mitchell Cole.
"If you let one off, if you excuse the expression, you get apprehended by the gendarmes."
Peter Alliss commentating on the World Match Play on BBC2, trying to explain the perils of mixing golf and... no, not a dodgy vindaloo, mobile phones.
"Richie Benaud reckons Warne will be back for the 2009 Ashes, and the only thing that makes me think otherwise is that Warney's life is full of escapades.
If he slept with his bat, like I used to, he could probably manage another five
Former England batsman Geoff Boycott on the longevity of Shane Warne.
So are you going to sing? Fine!
"My worst fears were confirmed as Thierry and I sat in the centre circle after the final whistle. His name was sung from the rooftops, while my contribution was recognised by a deafening silence. It was like I was the invisible man."
Poor old Ashley Cole.
"We scored five goals and still only went home with a point."
Cardiff manager Dave Jones after seeing his side squandering a 3-0 lead to draw 3-3 with Plymouth - not helped by two own goals.
"He's guilty because he has scored so many goals, guilty because he has played so many matches, guilty because he broke an unbelievable record for playing in so many consecutive matches, guilty because he's such a good player."
Jose Mourinho springs to the defence of Frank Lampard, criticised by the media for below-par performances. So he's guilty, then?
"Zinedine Zidane retired with more glory than Schumacher."
Fernando Alonso pays tribute to his great friend Michael after learning of the Ferrari ace's impending retirement.
AND THOSE WE MISSED
"It's a funny game isn't it? One minute you're a statue, the next you're a pigeon."
Peter Alliss on Tiger Woods losing at the World Match Play Championship at Wentworth. (Colin George, York).
Substitution for Saracens...
"We were too dumb, We're training well, but when we go on the field it's as if we take off the head and replace it with a pumpkin."
Alan Gaffney, Saracens Director of Rugby. (Kat, UK).
"And David James comes for it and takes it like a fireman catching a baby thrown from a burning building, and goes to ground."
Commentator on BBC Radio Kent/London, during the Charlton-Portsmouth game.
(S Drury, France).
"Svensson was caught in two minds.... and both of them were wrong."
Commentator during the Rangers v FC Molde game about another bad mistake by the Rangers defender. (Craig McDerment, Scotland).
"That may have been another corner if it had come off a defender!"
John Barnes commentating on Tottenham's UEFA Cup game on Channel 5.
"I'm on the transfer list and I'm going to stay on there as long as I'm on it".
Nothing escapes Burnley's Gifton Noel-Williams! (L8on, England).
"I wonder if that big fella out of the James Bond films is available as we could do with someone like him at the back at the moment."
Andy Ritchie following Barnsley's 4-2 defeat to Burnley after being 2-0 up.
(Phill Cottam, UK).
He's there again
"I am not very happy at all, it is self-inflicted. What a complete chicken nugget with double barbecue sauce he is."
Plymouth boss Ian Holloway after Paul Connolly is injured against Cardiff.
"It's not a long-term solution."
Djurgardens director Bo Anderson stating the obvious on the possibility of signing 40 year-old Teddy Sheringham. (Kevin, Ireland).
"The first one was close, but this one was Klose!"
ITV commentator after Miroslav Klose hit the bar with a header (he missed the first time).
(Guillaume R, London).
CHANTS OF THE WEEK
"What the ******* hell is that?"
Brentford fans to Leyton Orient's dragon mascot. (Joel Brocklehurst, England).
"He's big, he's tall, he's clumsy on the ball - Peter Crouch."
Everton fans chanting about Peter Crouch. (Sam).
"Tevez for Star Trek!"
Villa fans on West Ham's new recruit.
"Are you England in disguise?"
Northern Ireland fans to Spain, who they beat 3-2.