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Last Updated: Friday, 26 May 2006, 13:08 GMT 14:08 UK
Insane to take Wayne
Derek 'Robbo' Robson
By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees Mouth

Wayne Rooney stares at the World Cup
So near, but yet so far

Hi Robbo, what do you make of this Rooney news then?

Well, he's not going to play any part in the group games and if all goes to plan he'll have 10 days training before a possible last 16 game. What a nonsense!

What is the point in taking him? Just say - and it's unlikely I know - that England do brilliantly in the group games, they get through comfortably and are playing well as a team - what purpose does it serve introducing a crock into the side?

I have to agree with Sir Alex Ferguson for once, it's not just Rooney's physical condition, it's how he's feeling mentally as well. To be honest he's better off watching it at home and we'd be better off trying to make the best of what we've got, which is still quite a lot.

Well this is the thing, if Sven makes that decision now he'll be able to take another striker.

Exactly. They've got three strikers to choose from as it stands - Owen, who could break down at any minute, Walcott, who to say is unproven is the understatement of the century, and Crouch, who also leaves a lot to be desired.

You've got to put someone else in there now. Sorry, Wayne, you're not going.

Well, according to what we know at the moment, he is still going and will be flying back to Manchester on 14 June for a scan. Then, if all goes well, will be flying straight back to Germany.

Wayne Rooney at Old Trafford
What goes on inside those four walls?

It stinks of desperation, doesn't it? I mean he'd be good on one leg, Rooney, but not good enough I'm afraid.

And what about the mysterious departure of the doctor from Man Utd who was treating him?

I wouldn't be surprised if there's more to it. Who knows what goes on in those shady corridors inside the Theatre of Dreams?

And the England 'B' international with Belarus?

To be fair it was actually more like England A and a half - and they should have beaten Belarussia whether it was a friendly or not - I mean that's not even proper Russia.

That poor lad Green has been replaced by someone who sounds like he was at the OK Corral. Scott Carson, what a ridiculous name for a footballer. He should be wearing a ten-gallon hat and a holster.

Aaron Lennon impressed me - he was the pick of the bunch, Owen looked reasonably fit and with a couple more games behind him he should be OK.

What about Theo Walcott? They had to resort to the sandwich technique to stop him bursting through the middle.

Theo Walcott sandwiched by two Belarus players
The Walcott Sandwich

He's like Speedy Gonzales, that lad, and I think we'll see a lot of the Walcott Sandwich in the World Cup - tender young beef trapped between two big ugly lumps of continental bread - available in all good delicatessans.

And finally, what about this news that the Spanish coach, Luis Aragones, went ballistic when Raul turned up for training in a yellow t-shirt, because it's an unlucky colour apparently.

He's potty, Aragones. He makes Big Phil Scolari look like the tidiest accountant in London.

Why is yellow unlucky, for pete's sake? One thing's for sure, he'd never be able to take the Brazilian job.

Actually, if he was offered it he'd probably accept and make out their shirts were actually burnt umber or cornfield pastel.

One final thing concerning all the World Cup players who may be signing for Chelsea. According to a paper I read, they're saying Shevchenko will definitely go because he's got an American wife and it's difficult for him not speaking the language of his wife or son.

Join the club, mate!

Nice one Robbo, speak soon.

Ta-ta son.

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England B 1-2 Belarus
25 May 06 |  England
Raul's yellow card
24 May 06 |  Spain

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