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Last Updated: Monday, 20 September, 2004, 12:26 GMT 13:26 UK
Easy Ryder

By Derek 'Robbo' Robson
The Tees mouth

Well, what an anti-climax that was.

Darren Clarke ponders his next shot
Now that's what you want to see from your golfers
This Ryder Cup thing is just getting too easy. When will the Yanks put up someone who can actually play the game properly to give us a contest? Dear oh dear.

Actually, do you know what? That's got to be the most enjoyable thrashing I've ever witnessed in any sport.

How nice that Monty sank the winner and all. He may never win a major, but I tell you what, Col, don't bother. You're the best team golfer of your generation, mate.

Meanwhile there'll be a wake Stateside. I thought the Americans looked a rum bunch. Perry, Funk, Mickelson, Cink, Haas - they all looked like a bunch of sad uncles who your family keeps you away from cos they're a bit dull.

And this dysfunctional family was led by Hal 'Deputy Dawg' Sutton. They were a hilarious shambles.

Our team had bags more characters, with surgin' Sergio, perky Padraig, Westwood Ho! and Darren 'Havana' Clarke!

These are people you wouldn't mind having a pint with. Let's hope the Yanks put up a bit more resistance in two years time.

Mind it must be hard to concentrate when you're playing a partnership called Love and Funk. Not so much a sports team as James Brown's autobiography.


Joking Jose

Well, it's a funny old thing when Jose Mourinho complains about negative tactics.

He claims Tottenham brought their bus out and put it in front of the goal for 90 minutes. I can only assume the bus driver used to work for Porto.

Don't get me wrong, Spurs were duller than a US golf team party, but Santini was only guilty of the sincerest form of flattery, Jose.

And were it not for your keeper, they'd have done you proud by nicking the three points in proper Mourinho fashion. You should be touched, not tetchy.


Cricketer In Moral Decision Shock

Andy Flintoff is bowled
Fingers crossed Freddie's not dead after a spell from Aussie McGrath
How good it is to see Steve Harmison pull out of this Zimbabwe one-day nonsense.

At last, a cricketer who reads the paper and makes his own decisions. Perhaps a few more could follow his lead.

Meanwhile, we've got a one-day match against the Aussies coming up.

Oh dear. I've got a bad feeling about this one. We've stumbled through a few one-dayers recently, and everyone is quite rightly assuming that if McGrath and co can get at Freddie, we're in the deepest do-do.

If this whole afterthought of a tournament just ends up with another caning from the Ponting posse then we could really have done with not having it at all.

So, come on Flintoff! One last heave-ho for the summer and then I reckon your wife and kiddy need you more than the ZCB.


Colemanballs

That's Chris Coleman.

Now Chris, I like a bit of fighting spirit in the dressing-room as much as the next man, but the idea that a responsible football manager can, in this day and age, not chuck fines around left right and centre after the absolute b******s you boys threw at the ref this weekend - well, you need to stand in the corner and face the wall til the end of the lesson, sunshine.

Every Fulham player ought to be ashamed of himself and Coleman ought to be telling them as much.

I know they've made a cacky old start to the season but hellfire, can't they take a lesson from their opponents West Brom and save the scrapping for the journey home on the team bus?




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