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  Monday, 10 February, 2003, 13:10 GMT
Dancing to a different Toon
Derek 'Robbo' Robson on Bobby Robson's outburst, Sinan Samil Sam, Shaun Goater and the England football squad.

Fog on the Tyne

Either the fog has drifted over St James' or Sir Bobby is suffering from the Wenger Syndrome.

Apparently the reason the Magpies drew on Saturday was all the ref's fault and nowt to do with the French plank Robert, who deliberately got in the way of a free-kick.

The ref had no choice. There's no point in Robson complaining that Neale Barry didn't apply common sense. What was Robert applying? No sense.

Nah, man, Sir Bob should have been cuffing le nincompoop about his tete, not bleating like a lost lamb.

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Fat (Samil) Sam

Much as I'd have liked to see Danny Williams carry off the European heavyweight championship, I can't help feeling happy for Sinan Samil Sam.

The fat Turk is a model for the kind of boxer I'd like to be. Not for him the six-pack and pecs.

Sinan Samil Sam.
Slay him again, Sam

No, he's just a big, ugly blubbery fella who has two flat-irons for fists.

He's like the fat black kid in Bugsy Malone who's good for nothing until he finds out by accident he can lay people out with one swing of his right hand.

Now we have the prospect of Wobbly Williams fighting Pat-a-Cake Harrison for the British and Commonwealth to think about.

The Beeb'll build it up, but I think I'd rather watch a couple of pet rabbits go at it.

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Goater Hell King Kev has apparently told the City Saviour he may only be around for cameo roles in the near future.

And he wasn't talking about that actor fella Christopher Ecclestone, but Shaun Goater. That's gratitude for you!

100-plus goals and a strike rate second to none and not only does Kev sign a half-fit slowcoach and put him straight in the team ahead of you, but when you become super-sub he still gives you no guarantees.

Goater is one of them strikers that defy logic. He's a big-eared clumsy oaf who couldn't trap a dead cat and yet somehow, somehow he gets the ball in.

He deserves better than the odd five minutes after the Scouse lard-arse has not done owt.

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Mark Time

Nice to see Hendry lose in the final AND miss out on a 147 at the same tournament.

You're right - it's only jealousy and spite on my part but I did have a right good laugh.

On the other hand, at least the new mentally suspect Hendry provides you with some entertainment these days.

Stephen Hendry
At least I'm providing some entertainment

Time was when players winning a frame was just a prelude to whether they'd get a ton plus break.

Mark Williams doesn't bother with that. He's great at all the long pots and that, but for God's sake couldn't he just try to do more than cart the balls all over the shop after he's won the frame!

It's like your footie team get to 3-0 up and then just hoof it into the stands for the last 10 minutes. Come on, Mark, son, think of the fans you selfish git.

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Friendly Fire

I'm surprised my Mum didn't get in the squad for the Australia game. Everyone else did.

Can someone tell me what the hell's the point of playing an international game of football if all you are going to do is give everyone who wants one an England cap?

If Sven wants to play an under-25 team then do it for the whole game!

And don't think for one minute our convict cousins are going to accept excuses about the impending one-nil defeat for all 27 of our boys.

Let's just pack the friendlies in altogether shall we?! It's a waste of time!

If you want to organise glorified training sessions then by all means do so but let's not expect 30,000 people to show up and watch it. Ridiculous!

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