Caroline Atkins column

By Caroline Atkins England women's cricket team

Cricket is the reason why we are here in India. Cricket is the reason why we put our careers on hold and it's why we train so hard. And yet, it's quite possibly the last thing I want to write about just now.

Claire Taylor's hundred has been the England highlight so far

This squad is determined, hard-working and talented - but there was little to be proud about after our performances in the first three games in the Quadrangular Series.

We had talked about game plans, practised scenarios and felt confident in our preparations after making a good job of the practice games with convincing wins over India A and an Indian regional team.

When it came to the real thing, however, we failed to live up to our high expectations.

We restricted India to 232 on a good wicket, a perfectly gettable target, but wickets fell, the required run-rate crept up and we were all out in the 49th over for 213.

My contribution was worth 54 from 99 balls, not a great strike-rate in one-day cricket, but it might have developed into a match-winning performance had I not run myself out.

The second game against New Zealand was played at Chemplast, a university ground in Madras with a flat deck, short boundaries and a lightening outfield. Our bowlers saw their job as damage limitation and our batters were excited at the prospect of some runs.

They got away to a quick start but with disciplined bowling in the middle of their innings we looked on top. Then in the last 10 overs, they simply smashed it, adding 104 including six sixes - I haven't seen hitting like it.

We needed six an over to pass their score of 291 and I started our reply in disastrous style. Facing the first ball I went forward to block a good length delivery on off stump, but was surprised by the bounce and edged it straight to first slip. Diamond duck!

A cricket team rarely fires on all cylinders, but so far we're only firing on one or two

The early setback didn't stop the middle-order setting about the run rate but in the end we were all out for 272.

Losing the first two games meant we had transformed this competition into a knockout for ourselves with every game from then on like a final.

Next up were Australia - again at Chemplast, but on a very different, cracked wicket.

Sleeping on a diamond duck isn't easy but I was determined not to fail again and hit my second ball through the covers for four.

However, that good feeling didn't last long as a few strides into a quick single my quad muscle went. I needed a runner but was bowled for 11 soon after.

Tails [Claire Taylor] scored an unbeaten century to get us to 216 but not enough of us are making our time at the crease really count and a poor bowling and fielding performance followed as Australia cruised to victory with a bonus point to boot.

We have a system of reviewing performances to recognise what went well and to highlight the areas for improvement. We are very honest with each other about the contributions we make as individuals.

A cricket team rarely fires on all cylinders, but so far we're only firing on one or two. That means it's time for the rest of us to stand up and be counted. I know I have to improve.

We've got four games left to show our worth. This is about pride and it's about our reputation ahead of the next World Cup.