Trying to bridge the adoption gap

People are needed to adopt older children and those with disabilities

The search is on for people willing to adopt older children, those with disabilities, brothers and sisters, and children from some minority ethnic backgrounds.

Bethan and her husband, who live in Gwynedd, already had two birth children when they adopted their son Tom seven years ago.

"We wanted to extend the family," she explained. "But we couldn't biologically, so friends and colleagues said why not look at adoption.

"There was a lot of publicity about it at the time, with Tony Blair [whose father was adopted] talking about it."

And as their children had passed the baby and toddler stage they were happy to adopt a more difficult to place older child, rather than a baby.

Even so, they had to look further afield than north Wales and eventually were matched with a five-year-old boy by the Catholic Adoption Society (now St David's Children Society), a voluntary agency.

People need to realise they're not replacing a birth child, they're parenting somebody else's children Bethan

Although Tom's early years had been traumatic, Bethan and her husband thought their personal and professional experience would enable them to help him overcome this as he grew up. But she admits it has not been easy.

Her advice to prospective adoptive parents is: "Be willing to look at yourselves, be strong and, if there are two of you, work as a team.

"Be prepared to ask for help, especially if you're having a child from three upwards.

"You've got to be aware that when they get to puberty or adolescence they're going struggle with their identity.

"People need to realise they're not replacing a birth child, they're parenting somebody else's children. It's about accepting that and working with it.

Great books

"The more open you are the better. Tom knows when he's ready to ask questions. Be prepared, get in touch with people and get the right advice.

"I've found it invaluable to have someone you can just pick up the phone and talk to.

"Also, there are great books around these days, by people like Kate Cairns and Caroline Archer, that are easy to read and give very good examples. If he does certain behaviour I can dip into the book and see how to deal with it."

If you're having a child from far away you need to make sure you can get support from the relevant bodies at home, Bethan adds.

She would like to see local authorities devoting more resources to adoption support and points out that people fostering can expect a great deal more help.

A spokeswoman for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering said: "The Be My Parent website has a whole wealth of information regarding adoption.

"As well as its family finding function and supporting information, it gives the full legal requirements of local authorities in Wales regarding post adoption support."

She also pointed out that the charity Adoption UK was a strong resource for post-adoption support.

National Adoption Week is from 9-15 November 2009.

The North Wales Adoption Service is holding an open day at Venue Cymru in Llandudno on Monday 9 November for anyone interested in adoption. You can call in any time between 2-9pm for a chat or to collect an information pack.

The St David's Children Society is also holding information evenings on Wednesday 11 November in Colwyn Bay, Wrexham, Aberyswyth and Newtown.

In order to protect the children's identity, real names have not been used