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Caggey son Seyrsnys

Sue Lucine

Despite a dark and troubled past, Sue Lucine is now a successful artist. She is currently exhibiting in Liverpool and plans to conquer New York and Japan in the future.

Ga dy row traa chaie doo as boirit eck, ta Sue Lucine jiu ny ellyneyr speeideilagh. Ec y traa t'ayn ta taishbynys eck ayns Lerpoyll as s'treisht lhee dy jig eh lhee ayns New York as y Chapaan sy traa ry heet.

"My name is Susan Lucine, I am an artist living and working in Liverpool. I don't eat crisps, I don't eat chocolate, I don't drink fizzy drinks and I've never watched Big Brother or Strictly Come Dancing- that's about the measure of me I suppose. Painting is my life, it's what drives me and this is what I love. My family comes first but painting is a close second. I think it's very invigorating, satisfying and comforting. It's a lot of things, doing a painting is a lot of things and I think just the creative element is so important, not just for the artist, but for the society in which the artist lives. Every civilisation is measured by its art work".

"She Susan Lucine yn ennym t'orrym, as ta mee my ellyneyr ta baghey as gobbragh ayns Lerpoyll. Cha nel mee gee crespyn, ny shocklaid, cha nel mee giu joughyn keshagh as cha nel mee rieau er nakin Big Brother ny Strictly Come Dancing - shen y bun as baare jee'm er lhiam. She my vea, peintal, she yn red ta greesaghey mee as y red ta mee graihagh er. She my lught-thie ta smoo scanshoil dou agh ta peintal cheet chionn ny yei. Er lhiam dy vel eh cur dou bree, taitnys as gerjagh. She ram reddyn, peintal jalloo as er lhiam dy vel yn ayrn crootagh feer scanshoil, cha nee agh son yn ellyneyr, agh son y cho-phobble ayn ta'n ellyneyr cummal. Ta dagh ard-chultoor er ny howse liorish yn obbyr-ellyn echey".

"I draw my inspiration from people and colour. Something will just catch your eye. I've just painted an onion and it's just the shininess of the skin which caught my eye. If I've got a model in front of me, it's always a part of the model that draws my eye. It's very difficult to put it into words because it's a visual experience. I think a painting has a visual language of its own and any words you say about a painting are at best a translation." Becoming a prolific and successful artist is a tortured journey for many, but for Sue it has been particularly difficult. Before being diagnosed with and treated for paranoid schizophrenia her life was an emotional desert.

"Ta mee geddyn y breeaghys aym voish sleih as daaghyn. Nee red ennagh tayrn huggey yn reayrt aym. Ta mee kiart er pheintal unnish as she soilsheanys y chrackan ren tayrn huggey yn shilley aym. My ta 'model' roym, she kinjagh ayrn jeh'n 'model' ta tayrn huggey my hilley. T'eh doillee agglagh cur focklyn er shoh er y fa dy re cooish sooilley t'ayn. Er lhiam dy vel glare reayrtagh er lheh ec peintal as focklyn erbee t'ou cur er cha nod ad ve agh chyndaays ec y chooid share." Son ymmodee sleih she jurnaa torchagh eh cheet dy ve ny ellyneyr speeideilagh as troaragh, agh son Sue t'eh er ve doillee ass towse. Roish my row eh currit er enn as my row lheeys currit jee son scoltey-aigney far-agglagh va'n vea eck ny faasagh dyn ennaghtyn. "Ta mee geddyn y breeaghys aym voish sleih as daaghyn. Nee red ennagh tayrn huggey yn reayrt aym. Ta mee kiart er pheintal unnish as she soilsheanys y chrackan ren tayrn huggey yn shilley aym. My ta 'model' roym, she kinjagh ayrn jeh'n 'model' ta tayrn huggey my hilley. T'eh doillee agglagh cur focklyn er shoh er y fa dy re cooish sooilley t'ayn. Er lhiam dy vel glare reayrtagh er lheh ec peintal as focklyn erbee t'ou cur er cha nod ad ve agh chyndaays ec y chooid share."

Son ymmodee sleih she jurnaa torchagh eh cheet dy ve ny ellyneyr speeideilagh as troaragh, agh son Sue t'eh er ve doillee ass towse. Roish my row eh currit er enn as my row lheeys currit jee son scoltey-aigney far-agglagh va'n vea eck ny faasagh dyn ennaghtyn.

"I was twenty years in the wilderness and doing absolutely nothing for about fifteen. No emotional development, no spiritual development and certainly no financial development, so that has shaped a lot of things. I just remember visiting people and picking wild flowers. For years on end and that's all I did. I went round visiting people and as I was going round visiting them I'd be picking bunches of wild flowers from the way side.

"Va mee feed blein syn aasagh as cha ren mee red erbee rish mysh queig bleeaney jeig. Dyn lhiasaghey ennaghtagh, ny lhiasaghey spyrrydoil as son shickyr dyn lhiasaghey argidoil aym, as myrshen ta shen er chummey ram reddyn. Cha nel mee cooinaghtyn veg agh cur shilley er sleih as pluggey blaaghyn. Rish bleeantyn as bleeantyn shen yn un red ren mee. Hie mee lesh shilley er sleih as myr va mee goll lesh shilley orroo veign pluggey dossyn dy vlaaghyn feie voish cheu y raad.

"This was my life, for years. I didn't do anything. Nothing. I was ill. It was a period in my life that I wish had never happened. It has blighted my life and it has certainly blighted my love life. But now I am doing the best work I have ever done. I take it from here and I take it from there and I go from the here and now. Not from what was in the past.

"You can't change the past and I think it's one of the lessons I learnt young in life, is to accept the things you just can't change, if there are things you can't change they are out of your control. I don't dwell."

On February 21st, 1995 Sue arrived at a police station on the Isle of Man, dishevelled, barefoot and bloodstained. She told the police she had injured her children. When they arrived at her house they found that Sue had attacked her two young daughters. Four-year-old Clara was pronounced dead at the hospital and the older girl, (7 years old), survived after emergency surgery.

"I remember it all. There are only very little, little pieces I don't remember. But it was a dreadful time. It was a dreadful black, black day."

That dreadful black day was the culmination of years of difficulties.

"Shen va'n vea aym, rish bleeantyn. Cha ren mee red erbee. Veg. Va mee ching. She earish y vea aym saillym nagh row rieau ayn. T'eh er villey yn vea aym as son shickyrys t'eh er villey yn vea ghraih aym. Agh nish ta mee jannoo yn obbyr share ta mee rieau er n'yannoo. Ta mee goaill eh veih shoh as ta mee goaill eh veih shen as ta mee goll roym voish y traa t'ayn jiu. Cha nee voish reddyn sy traa chaie.

"Cha nod oo caghlaa yn traa chaie as er lhiam dy re shoh nane jeh ny lessoonyn dynsee mee tra va mee aeg, dy begin dhyt goaill rish ny reddyn nagh vod oo caghlaa edyr, as my ta reddyn ayn nagh vod oo caghlaa cha nel niart ayd orroo. Cha nel mee smooinaghtyn er rouyr."

Er y 21ed laa Toshiaght Arree, 1995 haink Sue dys stashoon ny meoiryn shee ayns Mannin, yn eaddagh eck fud y cheilley, dyn braagyn as daahit lesh fuill. Dinsh ee da ny meoiryn shee dy row ee er n'yannoo skielley da ny paitchyn eck. Tra rosh ad y thie eck hooar ad magh dy row ee er hoiagh er y daa neen aeg eck. Va Clara, va kiare bleeaney d'eash, briwnyssit dy ve marroo ec y thie-lheeys as ren y neen shinney, va 7 bleeaney d'eash, tannaghtyn bio lurg jee geddyn laue-lheeys gear-cheimagh.

"Ta mee cooinaghtyn dy chooilley red. Cha nel agh peeshyn beggey nagh vel mee cooinaghtyn. Agh she traa atchimagh v'ayn. Laa doo, doo agglagh."

Va'n laa doo agglagh shen ny cheim s'jerree ayns skeeal dy ghoilleeidyn v'er n'goll er rish bleeantyn.

"It was an awful time. I was treated like a wild animal, I really was. I was locked up in a strip cell. You should only be in a strip cell for 10 minutes. I was there days, locked up. I think once you lock a soul up, that soul is changed forever. There are some parts of that person that will never recover, will never forget certainly.

"The general feeling of hammering on a door wanting out and not being heard, I think is a dreadful thing to do to any human. Bad enough to do it to an animal but to do it to a human, I think is awful. I just accept that I had those years that were no development, no emotional development, anything. Nothing went on.

"She traa agglagh v'ayn. Va mee dellit rish myr baagh feie, shen yn irrin. Va mee glast ayns killeen 'gyn eaddagh'. Cha lhisagh oo ve ayns killeen 'gyn eaddagh' ny sodjey na 10 minnidyn. Va mee aynshen rish laghyn, glast stiagh. Tra ta annym glast stiagh, ta'n annym shen caghlaait son dy bragh er lhiam. Ta ayrnyn ennagh y pheiagh shen nagh jean rieau couyral, nagh jean jarrood son shickyrys. Dy ve faagit bwoalley er dorrys as geearree geddyn magh as dyn goll er clashtyn, s'agglagh jannoo shen da peiagh erbee er lhiam. S'olk dy liooar jannoo shen da baagh agh dy yannoo eh da peiagh ennagh, er lhiam dy vel shen atchimagh. Ta mee kiart goaill rish dy row ny bleeantyn shen aym tra nagh row lhiasaghey ayn, v'eh dyn lhiasaghey ennaghtagh, dyn red erbee. Cha row veg goll er."

An independent report into the incident said before the attack Sue was experiencing hallucinations, delusions and disturbed thoughts. It was a dangerous situation for her and the children but the right sort of help was not forthcoming.

The mental health services on the Isle of Man at the time were not up to the task of dealing with a patient with a severe mental illness. The report states that Sue didn't slip through the net: there was no net. She was later charged with manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

"It happened and you can't undo what happened. You've just got to live with it, forgive yourself somehow and move on. You have to, you have to. Clara died and it's taken me fourteen years to come to the point where I can look at photographs of her without tears. It does take time.

"It's the first Christmas without her, the first birthday without her. You put it to the back of your mind and it keeps coming back. Some of it's painful and some of it's not. I also have some lovely, lovely memories of Clara. I have a photograph here of her on a swing, a moment caught in time smiling and it just makes me smile."

Dooyrt tuarastyl neuchrogheydagh mychione y taghyrt dy row branlaadyssyn, mollaghyn-inchyn as drogh smooinaghtyn cheet er Sue roish y toiagh. She stayd gaueagh v'ayn er e son as son ny paitchyn agh cha row yn cooney kiart ry gheddyn. Cha row ny shirveishyn slaynt inchynagh ayns Mannin ec y traa shen corrym rish dellal rish surransagh as chingys inchynagh trome echey. Ta'n tuarastyl gra nagh ren Sue skirrey trooid y lhieen: cha row lhieen erbee ayn. Ny s'anmey va cassid currit noi eck son dunverys neuvyskidagh kyndagh rish currym leodit. "Haghyr eh as cha nod oo neuyannoo shen ren taghyrt. Cha nel veg ry yannoo agh baghey marish, leih oo-hene as immee er oaie. Shegin dhyt, shegin dhyt. Hooar Clara baase as ta mee er cheau 14 bleeaney cheet dys y cheim shoh raad oddym jeeaghyn er jallooyn j'ee dyn keayney. She jurnaa liauyr t'ayn. "She yn chied Nollick ny fegooish, yn chied laa-ruggyree ny fegooish. T'ou cur eh ass dty smooinaghtyn agh t'eh kinjagh cheet er ash. Ta paart jeh piandagh as ta paart elley nagh vel. Ta paart dy chooinaghtyn taitnyssagh aym neesht jeh Clara. Ta jalloo aym aynshoh jeed er leaystane, as t'ee mongey ec y tullagh shen as ta shen cur orrym mongey neesht."

"I know that I strive for freedom now more than the average person would."

"Ta fys aym dy vel mee streeu son seyrsnys nish ny smoo na'n chooid smoo dy leih."

"It was an awful period of my life which I have since tried to put behind me as much as I can. I look forward, not back. I just accept the things I can't change. I know that I strive more for freedom now than the average person would. I think the average person accepts their freedom but for me I have had to fight for mine. It's taken me years."

"V'eh ny earish agglagh ayns my vea as neayr's shen ta mee er chur eab er cur my chooyl eh wheesh as oddym. Ta mee jeeaghyn er oaie, cha nee er ash. Ta mee goaill rish ny reddyn nagh voddym caghlaa. Ta fys aym dy vel mee streeu ny smoo son seyrsnys na'n peiagh cadjin. Er lhiam nagh vel y chooid smoo dy leih smooinaghtyn monney er nyn seyrsnys agh v'eh orrym caggey er e hon. Va bleeantyn ceaut aym er."

After being sentenced without a limit of time, Sue was taken to a secure clinic facility in the North of England which specialised in the treatment of offenders with a mental illness. It was here that Sue finally got the treatment she needed.

"I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. When I was first given the right drugs I felt like I could live again. It felt like someone had taken a huge burden from my shoulders and I could suddenly be myself.

Lurg da deyrey dyn cagliagh traa ve currit j'ee, va Sue goit ersooyl dys thie-lheeys shickyr ayns Twoaie Hostyn ren cur lheeys er lheh da kimmee as chingys inchynagh oc. She aynshoh dy dooar ee fy yerrey yn lheeys v'ee feme.

"Hooar ad magh dy row scoltey-aigney far-agglagh orrym. Tra hug ad dou hoshiaght ny druggaghyn kiart ren mee gennaghtyn dy voddin ve bio reesht. Ren eh gennaghtyn myr dy row peiagh ennagh er n'ghoaill errey trome ersooyl veih ny geayltyn aym as doaltattym dy voddin ve mee hene.

"It was a revelation which has changed my life. I had a wonderful psychiatrist called Dr. Jim Higgins OBE. He is a wonderful man who knew he could help me. I didn't like him at first but I grew to love him. It is true; you do fall in love with your psychiatrist. With a great deal of help I have come to some sort of fruition in my life and work which is a lovely feeling. It drives you on to do more and more. The more you achieve, the more you want to achieve."

With the past firmly behind her and a bright future ahead Sue is hoping her painting will take her to places she has always longed to see.

"She soilshaghey mooar v'ayn t'er jyndaa my vea. Va fer-lhee aigney yindyssagh aym enmyssit y fer-lhee Jim Higgins OBE. T'eh ny ghooinney yindyssagh as va fys echey dy voddagh eh cooney lhiam. Cha by vie lhiam eh hoshiaght agh daase y ghraih aym er. S'feer eh; t'ou tuittym ayns graih rish y fer-lhee aigney ayd dy jarroo. Lesh cooney mooar ta mee er jeet dy ve crootagh ayns my vea as my obbyr as s'mie yn ennaghtyn shen dy jarroo. T'eh greinnagh oo royd dy yannoo ny smoo as ny smoo. Myr smoo t'ou cooilleeney, myr smoo t'ou geearree cooilleeney."

Jiu ta Sue er chur yn traa chaie slane ny cooyl, ta traa ry heet gial roee as ta treisht eck dy jean y peintal eck cur-lesh ee dys buill t'ee kinjagh er n'ghoaill foddeeaght ny yei fakin.

"I would love to exhibit in New York. I have been invited by a gallery in Chelsea and now I just have to raise the money to get there. I also have a dream to exhibit in Moscow and Japan.

"To see how my work is received by people who don't speak English. Now that would be a tremendous thing to do! There are things I am doing now which I should have been doing in my thirties. I'm not playing catch up or anything; I know I am not thirty but there's stuff going on in my life which should have happened years ago."

"Baillym dy mooar cummal taishbynys ayns New York. Ta mee er n'gheddyn cuirrey voish laare-ellyn ayns Chelsea as nish cha nel agh yn argid ry hroggal aym dy gholl dys shen. Ta ashlish aym neesht taishbynys y chummal ayns Moscow as y Chapaan. Dy akin kys ta'n obbyr aym er ny hoiggal liorish sleih nagh vel loayrt Baarle. Son shickyr veagh shen ny red yindyssagh! Ta reddyn ta mee jannoo nish lhisin er ve jannoo ayns ny bleeantyn jeih as feed aym. Cha nel mee geearree aachroo yn eash shen edyr; Ta fys aym nagh vel mee jeih as feed agh ta stoo goll er ayns my vea lhisagh er haghyrt bleeantyn er dy henney."

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