Consequences of split family life

The Rt Rev Dr John Inge, the Bishop of Worcester

At the centre of the Christmas story is the Holy Family, and the family has been in the news recently, with political leaders arguing about the extent to which they are supportive of the family.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the political argument, the subject certainly deserves attention.

That point was made earlier this year in a report entitled The Good Childhood Enquiry, which was commissioned by The Children's Society and written by experts after very substantial research, including many interviews with young people.

The report contained some unpalatable truths - for example, as a result of increased break-up of marriages, one third of UK 16 year olds now live apart from their biological father.

Children with separate, single or step parents are, statistically, 50% more likely to fail at school, have low self-esteem, be unpopular with other children, and have behavioural difficulties, anxiety or depression.

The difference between the views of young people and adults about this was instructive.

Whilst some 70% of children though that 'parents getting on well is one of the most important factors in raising happy children', only 30% of parents agree with the statement - a significant difference of perspective.

Why is this? Perhaps because in our society, we don't like to face up to the consequences of what we are doing.

The Report was quite clear about the root of the problem: excessive individualism.

Bob Reitemeier, chief executive of The Children's Society, said: "This landmark report says the aggressive pursuit of individual success by adults is now the greatest threat to our children, and we are determined to do something about that.

"Essentially the report brings a taboo into the open, which is that we have to confront our selfish and individualistic culture."

And what's the solution? In an afterword to the report the Archbishop of Canterbury writes: "This report is not ashamed to put love at the centre of the child's needs - and the adult's too: love, not as warm feeling alone, but as long-term commitment to someone else's well-being, as something that matters profoundly to one's own well-being.

"That sort of commitment means relativising your own sense of what you as an individual need, so as to discover what might be good for you and the other; and parenthood is one of the contexts where most people should learn this most lastingly, if they learn it at all."

Putting love at the centre of our lives, loving commitment to others: there's a thought for Christmas.

That, of course, is exactly what God does for us in Jesus; it's what we celebrate at Christmas.

+John
December 2009