Holidays help troubled families

By Victoria Bartlett
BBC Hampshire & Isle of Wight

The Bowers family from Harefield get led into the New Forest for an activity

Southampton families are going on residential activity weekends to help to overcome behavioural problems.

Islay Downey from the anti-social behaviour department of Southampton City Council is behind the idea.

She believes that life at home for struggling families would improve if troublesome children learnt to problem-solve and have fun with their parents.

The groups are encouraged to work as a family unit and as a collective team to complete challenges.

Parenting classes

Avon Tyrrell Activity Centre near Bransgore hosts these events

Islay Downey is a senior parenting practitioner who works with parents whose children are causing, or are at risk of causing, anti-social behaviour.

It was while she was running parenting classes that she came up with this idea:

"The parenting groups give you get a snapshot of what is happening at home, but here you get a chance to spend more time with families and get them to work together.

"Luckily we got some funding for three weekends from the council's community safety department. Otherwise it just would have remained an idea."

Team work

The weekends away take place at the Avon Tyrrell Outdoor Activity Centre in the New Forest, which is part of the national youth work charity, UK Youth.

The centre provides residential and day visit facilities and all kinds of adventurous and environmental activities on site.

Islay explained what happens when she takes families to the centre: "There's an 'air-crash' day where families are blindfolded, taken somewhere in the New Forest and told they have to pretend they have been in a plane crash.

"Using the equipment there, they have to build a fire to cook their own lunch, construct a shelter and figure out how to get rescued.

Jenny and Lauren work up the courage to attempt the high ropes challenge

"Afterwards we talk about what happened, how they felt, how they communicated and if they thought they worked together well as a family.

"This is a time to look at what strengths family members have, what is good about their family and how they can gel together. It proves to them that they can do it, how good it feels and that they should do it more in the future to improve their life at home and in the community.

They also go on a night walk and take on challenges such as a high ropes course in the treetops to get the families to work on their trust of others and try to do things out of their 'comfort zone'.

Islay added: "The biggest problem I hear about from families is that it can be like a warzone in their house - they are just arguing all the time. This takes people away from that environment and gives them tasks to complete together.

"On these weekends we find that their communication is better and they are more prepared to listen. This shows that swearing, getting drunk and anti-social behaviour is not the way to get things done - in or out of the home."

Families involved

McCauly enjoyed toasting marshmallows on the fire

Mark Bowers, 40, from Harefield is a single dad with five children aged between 10 and 17 years old. He enjoyed the weekend he attended in October 2009.

He said: "Me and the kids needed more time together to bond more. Where I'm on my own I'm under a lot of pressure to cope and do the best for them. It's very hard but I'm getting there.

"My children have all got different personalities and problems so it can be challenging. One of my sons is a real issue - he's very hyperactive and out all night, we don't know where he is or what he's getting up to.

"Another son has Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - he used to be a troubled child and would get in trouble with the police but he's calming down now. Another is girl mad so I'm trying to avoid him getting into trouble in that area.

"My daughter is my princess but I still need to tackle her female issues, which I'm not used to doing!"

Mark's eldest son, Jamie, aged 17, said: "We were all together as a family with no-one or nothing else there as a distraction.

"Me and my Dad have always got on - I've never had any problems with him - it's everyone else that has their ups and downs. It's always easier when everyone helps each other.

"Hopefully we'll get closer from this."

The families had to light a fire together in order to cook their lunch

Jenny, 46, is a single mum from Bassett whose children - Lauren, 14, and Ashley, 17 - have had problems with drinking and at school in particular.

She has attended one of these weekends with her son and daughter and found the experience helpful.

She said: "It was absolutely brilliant - a really exciting weekend. The kids absolutely loved it, which was quite a surprise because I thought they wouldn't want to do any of it.

"It was nice to see them actually coming together rather than watch the arguing and fighting.

"Being away from where we live really helped - because the children are always scared of messing up and being laughed at or looking silly in front of their friends, and there was none of that pressure."

Jenny added that life at home has improved since they returned: "Since we got home they have been thinking more about what they are saying to each other and their battling has reduced. Lauren tends to walk away now rather than say 'come on then, hit me!'"

"We were supposed to go once before but we chickened out. But this time I remained positive rather than feeding or reacting to their negativity. I've learnt that by me being a positive example really works."