'Bereavement counselling helped me to move forward'

Bereavement counselling helped Andrew realise his grief was normal

When his wife and children were killed in a road accident, Andrew Gitsham was left with two choices.

"I could sit there, paralysed, doing nothing with my life, or I could pick myself up and try to move forward."

Realising he could not do that without support, he contacted the Huntingdon branch of Cruse Bereavement Care.

"Someone came to my house and for the next 18 months she was a constant in my life. She made me realise that my grief was a normal reaction," Andrew said.

'Normal day'

"It was a normal day," explained Andrew. "We all take for granted that when we wake up in the morning, we'll be going to bed that night.

"That's how it started, but it never ended like that."

Georgia, Josh and Stacey died in an accident on the A1 in December 2005

Andrew's 26-year-old wife Stacey was driving their two-year-old son Josh to nursery, and had their 11-week-old daughter Georgia in the car with them.

Her car was stationary at roadworks on the A1 when a lorry ploughed into the back of the vehicle, killing all three.

That was five years ago. The accident happened in December 2005 and robbed Andrew of his entire family.

'Run away'

He decided to contact BBC Radio Cambridgeshire presenter, Andie Harper, because he wanted to tell his story - not the story of his loss - but the story of how bereavement counselling had helped him come to terms with that loss.

"The day after the funeral I suddenly realised that I was alone," he said.

"I was there in a house that less than a week ago was busy with children, and with just living.

"The silence was deafening. Everywhere you looked there were reminders.

"I knew right then that I had to do something about it for my own sanity," added Andrew.

"I could run away from it but eventually it would find me.

"I made the decision that I was going to turn and face it, and whatever came my way, came my way. But I needed support to do that."

Healing

When Cruse Bereavement Care sent "a little old lady" to Andrew's house, that was the start of the healing process.

He explained the importance of talking to someone objective.

"Family and friends will listen, but they have their own memories as well - you know, it wasn't all about me," he said. "There's an enormous ripple-effect. I was the figurehead because I had lost everything but there were other people in need too."

For the next 18 months Andrew said that his counsellor was always there for him.

"Here was someone who I could tell everything to, not being afraid of the repercussions - if there were any - and she really did help me piece my life back together," he explained.

"I think I was looking for someone to say that feeling this way was normal, because at the time you feel so abnormal.

"You feel a bit of a freak really."

Thanks to the work of Cruse, Andrew has managed to move forward with his life.

The silence was deafening. Everywhere you looked there were reminders Andrew Gitsham

"The 10 years I had with Stacey, and our time with our children are so precious and will always be with me.

"Cruse summed it up perfectly when they told me that our life, our children, and our relationship - that was like an egg.

"The yolk represents that life together, and even though the egg has been broken, that yolk remains intact.

"The white will spread, and other things will happen, but the yolk remains there, intact forever."

He added: "I have nothing but great memories. I can now look at pictures, I can now listen to certain types of music and it brings a smile to my face."

Fund-raising

Andrew Gitsham has so far raised close to £50,000 to ensure that the work of Cruse Bereavement Care can continue. Half of the funds have been donated to the Huntingdon branch with the rest going to fund the work of the service nationally.

The Cruse Bereavment Care helpline number is: 0844 477 9400