A Christian who runs sex parties

By Linda Serck
BBC Berkshire

Emma Sayle organises exclusive 'sex parties', despite practising Christianity.

Emma Sayle runs Killing Kittens, an upmarket and exclusive sex party night with an eye on empowering women.

However, the former Downe House pupil, who spent her formative years in West Berkshire sees no conflict between her business and her Christian faith.

"I've had this conversation about sex before marriage a lot," she told BBC Radio Berkshire's Claire Catford.

"And it doesn't actually say once in the bible that you can't have sex before marriage."

Emma Sayle's monthly adult parties are called Killing Kittens in reference to a populist myth that every time a woman 'sins' by pleasuring herself, God in retribution kills a kitten.

Over time, the term 'killing kittens' has become slang for female masturbation.

Thus, Emma's parties focuses on female empowerment where, for example, men aren't allowed to approach women and only women can make or break the rules.

Mass orgies

"It's for couples and girls," says 31-year-old Emma, a pal of Prince William's Bucklebury-born girlfriend Kate Middleton, "it's for good-looking people only, under the age of 45.

"These parties turn into mass orgies - they're big sex parties - and it's a case of 50 per cent of the people that come along do take clothes off, and the other 50 per cent just come along for a good party and keep their clothes on."

One would think this sort of sexual freedom would sit uneasily with 31-year-old Emma's Christian faith. But she heartily disagrees.

"This whole 'I'm a Christian' thing," she says, "the way it's been written about a lot of the time is as if I'm someone happy-clappy who's just done an Alpha course.

I've had this conversation about sex before marriage a lot and it doesn't actually say once in the bible that you can't have sex before marriage Emma Sayle

"But I've been going to church and Sunday school since I was little. It's a private thing that is just my faith.

"When it comes to religion - and it's not me being defensive - people pick and choose.

"When you look at the bible, people pick and choose which bits they choose to live by and which bits they don't.

"I've had this conversation about sex before marriage a lot and it doesn't actually say once in the bible that you can't have sex before marriage.

"That's just the stigma that's been attached to it. It gets misquoted.

"These are couples who are genuinely together and they choose to do this as a life-style choice within the sanctity of their marriage.

"No one's getting hurt, no one's cheating on anyone. Who am I or you or whoever to say they can't do it?

"I always say: everyone's happy, so what's the big deal?"

"Sex equates to marriage"

Calum Macleod, who is a committed Christian and a former leader of marriage courses across Reading, disagrees.

"Where I come from sex equates to marriage," he says, "and my thinking is that the sexual act is such an intimate one, that to do it with somebody within the context of a committed relationship is really only the good place to do it.

"I happen to think that sex is a deeper thing than just adult play."

Women are becoming a lot more vocal about their sexual needs, they're a lot more open about what they want and they want to experiment. Emma Sayle

But Emma thinks that living out sexual fantasies is not harmful to relationships.

She stresses that the parties are also about giving women a secure environment in which to explore their sexual desires without the hang-ups a relationship can provide.

"There are so many horrible men out there who are just useless when it comes to having relationships," she says.

"Women are becoming a lot more vocal about their sexual needs, they're a lot more open about what they want and they want to experiment.

"Women are naturally bi-curious and that's scientific fact, so they come along and a lot of the time it's girls experimenting with girls."

Calum however believes that this sort of experimentation can do long-term harm.

"Okay, maybe it works right now, but surely there are couples there for whom that sort of party will have a long-term and not a particularly helpful effect, and ditto for the girls," he said.

"If you get close to somebody and then never see them again, it causes hurt that perhaps could have been avoided."

Emma said that some women found the parties 'empowering'.

"We have rules where men can't approach girls. It's all about the girls feeling sexy and feminine," she said.

"Whatever way you look at any party or any situation, there's two ways of looking at things. A lot of these girls come in who haven't got much confidence and they come to a couple of parties, they feel sexy."