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How to Deal with Mosquitoes
It's a dark and quiet night.
You're lying on your bed, still wearing trousers, but nevertheless asleep. Several dreams have just rumbled through your head, when you suddenly wake up and notice something. You notice that you don't notice anything, until you suddenly hear the sound:
Your head is filled with pictures of long nights standing in the middle of your room, doing nothing but waiting by the light switch for the sound to come again:
The humming is getting louder and louder until the final sound comes:
Everything goes quiet. You know exactly that when the humming stops abruptly, just after reaching its climax, the small invisible beast is sitting somewhere on your face. And then you react just as always - your head shakes furiously, your arms are thrown upwards bashing the blanket all around you and your feet start punching temporary holes into the air. This panic attack calms immediately after you have dug yourself out from under the blanket and cushion, and you get some rest in the midst of the thick, fluid air, with too much space and too many possibilities for the mosquito to reach your skin.
As nearly everyone has managed to deadlock himself in his own bed just like that, here are some tips to deal with mosquitoes in a better way.
At first, be sure to do anything so the mosquitoes cannot come into your sleeping room. This includes the following:
But never, ever assume you are safe. They will find some way of getting past your defences...
Dealing with a Mosquito
If you hear a mosquito, scramble towards the light switch. Don't assume you'll see the mosquito because the light is on. Keep your glasses beside your bed, and do not forget that you'll be half-asleep for the whole thing.
After switching the light on, scan the walls for some small black dots. Don't be too hasty, this step can take hours! If you see a mosquito, don't panic! There are several methods available to handle the situation.
The cruel method, and one that should be avoided by the squeamish or anyone who believes in reincarnation or karma, is to try to kill the mosquito. This can be done with your hands, cushions, or any other soft club with which you can hit fast and precisely.
If you prefer a more humane way to get rid of a mosquito, always have two things in your sleeping room: an empty glass and some thick paper; you can try it with other things, but this is a foolproof method:
And then try to not think of the sound the mosquito made, or you'll be fighting imaginary beasts until sunrise...
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