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Last Updated: Thursday June 16 2005 10:57 GMT

Coping with the death of my dad

A comforting hug
Children who lose someone close to them need more support, according to a report.

Up to 7% of kids lose a parent before they are 16.

Lauren lost her dad when she was 11. Here's her story.

"My dad died suddenly. He had a heart attack in the middle of the night. He was 32.

My mum woke us up and we went to stay with some friends. My dad was rushed to hospital in an ambulance.

When my mum told me he had died, I thought she was joking. I didn't believe her. Then I realised it was true, and I remember hugging my mum and my sister for ages.

It happened in the holidays before I went to secondary school. I didn't know many people who were going there.

We stayed with our friends until after Christmas. We couldn't face sleeping at home - it wouldn't be normal without my dad.

Normal

We went away for Christmas. It was hard feeling sad when everyone else seemed to be celebrating.

When I went back to school, it was okay because it was the only normal thing in my life. After a few weeks, my form tutor told the class what had happened. It was strange. Some people avoided me because they didn't know what to say, others hugged me. The way they treated me changed for a while.

At first, I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it. I kept it all inside me. Then I went to a child bereavement centre and had some counselling. I talked to my friends and family as well. That really helped.

You have to talk, or you will stay down forever. Other people can help you.

Good memories

There are times that I find harder than others - like birthdays and Christmas. The first birthday or Christmas without your parent is often the worst.

Now, it's easier. I'm looking back and smiling instead of looking back and crying. I'm looking at all the positive things that happened - there are lots of good memories.

My message to children who have been bereaved is: it's a hard time and it's okay to cry - that's a way of dealing with it. And it does get easier. I know everyone says that and I didn't believe it at the time, but it's true."

Lauren, 14, Buckinghamshire

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