WORLD WEDDINGS The Second Wife Tx Date: 30th August 2005 This script was made from audio tape – any inaccuracies are due to voices being unclear or inaudible 10.00.00 World Weddings Theme Music 10.00.05 Title Page WORLD WEDDINGS 10.00.12 Gunshot/Music 10.00.18 Narrator Gunfire marks the start of wedding celebrations in a Kurdish village in South East Turkey. 10.00.23 Music 10.00.25 Narrator This is Ayse, the bride. Aged twenty-four she’s about to marry the boy who lives next door. 10.00.31 Music 10.00.32 Narrator Tonight is her hen night when girlfriends decorate her hands with henna. 10.00.38 Narrator She receives gifts of gold, some from her fiancé Resat. 10.00.41 Music 10.00.44 Ayse Voice over I don’t care whether he’s penniless or not, it’s not important to me what he’s worth because I love him. 10.00.49 Music 10.00.52 Narrator Ayse and Resat grew up together in this tiny village. They’ve been in love for seven years. Music 10.01.02 Resat Voice over Ayse is so feminine. She’s everything I’ve ever dreamt of. She’s my perfect type. 10.01.09 Music 10.01.12 Narrator But their love is special for another reason; Resat is already married. He is taking Ayse as his second wife. 10.01.20 Music 10.01.22 Title Page THE SECOND WIFE 10.01.32 Narrator Thirty-two year old Resat Yagdi is an ambitious man. He works as an electrician repairing cables and connecting houses to the main supply; not always legally. 10.01.45 Narrator He comes home to a small plot of land given to him by his father where he grows vegetables; this is where his first wife lives. 10.01.53 Resat Subtitle Remziye, come out. 10.01.57 Narrator Polygamy has been practised for generations within Turkey’s Kurdish communities. 10.02.01 Resat Subtitles Quick, quick – pour water on my hands. 10.02.05 Narrator In the villages of South East Anatolia, husbands take multiple wives as symbols of their power and prestige in the community. 10.02.13 Resat Subtitle Hurry up – come here! 10.02.16 Music 10.02.20 Aston RESAT YAGDI Voice over My first wife has given me three children; two girls and a boy. My daughter is seven, my son is three. I also have a one week old daughter; she was born on the day I got engaged. 10.02.39 Music 10.02.42 Narrator Resat is following in the family tradition; his father had three wives as well as sixteen children and fifty grandchildren. 10.02.48 Music 10.02.53 Aston HACI OMER Resat’s father Voice over Having lots of wives is very stimulating; you have more children, you become prosperous, your tribe grows in numbers. Anyway it’s the tradition around here. 10.03.08 Narrator It’s estimated that one in five marriages are polygamous in this devoutly Muslim region. 10.03.14 Narrator The Koran permits men to take up to four wives, provided they are all treated fairly. 10.03.21 Narrator But the Turkish government have declared the practice illegal. As negotiations for the country to enter the European Union continue, Polygamy does not fit the image Turkey wants to present but here the authorities can do little to stop it. 10.03.37 Narrator Resat’s marriage nine years ago to his first wife Remziye was arranged by their families; they’d barely been introduced before they were married. 10.03.51 Aston REMZIYE YAGDI Resat’s first wife Voice over He arrived on his tractor. He had come for me but I didn’t know that. I saw him, I liked him, I said to myself; he’d be a good one to marry. 10.04.04 Narrator Although many arranged marriages succeed, it was not long before Resat had doubts about his future with Remziye. 10.04.15 Resat Voice over Because I had a traditional arranged marriage I haven’t been happy; it’s caused me a lot of trouble. I got married without loving her, without even getting to know her, that’s why I face the problems I have today. 10.04.31 Narrator Divorce is virtually unheard of in Muslim society so Resat simply decided to take another younger wife. He first proposed to Ayse seven years ago but it has been a long and difficult courtship, not least because she is a friend of Remziye. 10.04.50 Narrator Unbeknown to her, on the other side of the village, Resat has been building his second wife a rather grander house. 10.04.56 Music 10.05.01 Narrator This is where he’ll live with Ayse and where they’ll spend their first night together. Resat’s sisters apply the finishing touches to the bridal suite. 10.05.09 Music 10.05.14 Resat’s sister Subtitles When the bride arrives, everything should be ready. Poor thing – she shouldn’t get tired. 10.05.22 Narrator But there has been a more serious obstacle to Resat’s pursuit of Ayse. Her parents. 10.05.31 Aston GULE AYMAZ Mother of the bride Voice over We warned her that there’d be problems and arguments, we told her there’s a big difference between a single and a married man but she said she didn’t care. He wanted her so badly he said he’d die for her. The wife he’s got is so beautiful I don’t know why he wants another. 10.05.54 Narrator Despite having delivered him a baby less than a week ago, Remziye, Resat’s first wife, can do little to stop her husband from marrying again. While he’s out at work she and his sisters discuss their unhappiness at the prospect of a polygamous future. 10.06.11 Resat’s sister Subtitle You can stand up against this. 10.06.14 Remziye Subtitles How can you stand up to a Kurdish man? 10.06.17 Resat’s sister Subtitles Why don’t you tell him what a great wife you’ve been? 10.06.21 Remziye Subtitles I don’t know. Where did I go wrong? Didn’t I feed him? Didn’t I give him children? 10.06.26 Resat’s sister Subtitles Have you asked him why he’s marrying again? 10.06.29 Remziye Subtitle It always ends up with us fighting. 10.06.32 Resat’s sister Subtitles Haven’t you told him all three of you will suffer? 10.06.34 Remziye Subtitle We’ve been dishonoured already. 10.06.39 Music 10.06.41 Narrator In these remote villages, for a woman to speak out against her husband can be a dangerous business. The law is a distant concept. 10.06.49 Music 10.06.53 Narrator For generations Kurdish villages like Resat’s were brutally oppressed by the Turkish authorities. Many were burnt down by government troops in the struggle for independence in the nineteen eighties and nineties. For years the Kurdish language was banned. 10.07.08 Music 10.07.11 Narrator Here, little has changed for centuries and women are still regarded as merely economic assets to be traded in marriage. 10.07.21 Aston MELIHAT YAGDI Resat’s sister Voice over They sell girls like animals, they’re not treated as human beings, it’s disgusting. 10.07.29 Narrator Melihat, Resat’s sister, is twenty-two and still single. Like her brothers and sisters she has never spent a day in school in her life and can neither read nor write. Her only education has been working in the fields. 10.07.44 Narrator Now her father is impatient to marry her off before she gets much older. 10.07.51 Melihat Voice over I’m very scared. My family’s told me they’re giving me up as a second wife. If I hadn’t resisted I would have been married four or five years ago. I’ve argued with my family, I told them it’s definitely not going to happen. I really hate this practice. As a young girl your life doesn’t belong to you here. 10.08.15 Music 10.08.21 Narrator Polygamy has been outlawed in Turkey for almost a century. It means that Resat has had to prepare for his wedding in secret. His determination to go through with it is forcing everyone to compromise. 10.08.34 Gule Aymaz Voice over If it had been a proper marriage we’d have had a big wedding with drums and flutes and a band. But since she’s a second wife that’s not what we wanted. 10.08.45 Music 10.08.49 Narrator Normally a Kurdish wedding lasts several days with families gathering from across the region. But marrying a second wife has to be a much more discreet affair. 10.08.59 Narrator It also means that Ayse’s parents can demand a much higher bride price. 10.09.07 Gule Aymaz Voice over Normally we would have asked for about two and a half thousand pounds but because it was a polygamous marriage it caused us all trouble so we agreed on four thousand. 10.09.18 Narrator But that’s not all; in addition to the bride price Resat also has to promise to give the bride an agreed amount of gold. With one day to go before the wedding Resat has discovered true love comes at a price. 10.09.34 Resat Voice over They doubled the bride price. On top of that I have to give three metres of gold chain, fifteen gold medallions, three sets of bracelets and four rings. Then there’s all the bedroom furnishings as well as the rugs, the household appliances, the fridge, the television and the washing machine. 10.09.58 Narrator Resat has spent eighteen thousand pounds on his new wife before they are even married. Most of this cash has been borrowed from illegal money lenders against his salary as an electrician. 10.10.12 Melihat Yagdi Voice over His financial situation’s a mess; he doesn’t have five pennies to his name. He’ll have to borrow to buy the gold. He might even have to sell the field. Unless he meets the bride price they won’t give him the girl. 10.10.24 Music 10.10.37 Narrator Polygamy is not exclusive to Anatolia’s villages; it’s also widely practised in the cities, especially the deeply conservative Muslim centres like Shaliufra. 10.10.50 Narrator In the slums of the city there is a rare initiative to improve women’s rights. 10.10.55 Women learning 10.11.02 Narrator Ayla Sumbul is a volunteer for an organisation called CATOM. 10.11.06 Women learning 10.11.08 Narrator At literacy classes local women also learn about the problems associated with polygamy. 10.11.15 Ayla Sumbul Subtitles Imagine you’re married and your husband takes a second wife. Islim knows all about it. When the second wife arrived, how did you feel? 10.11.24 Islim Subtitle My world collapsed. 10.11.25 Ayla Sumbul Subtitle She says her world collapsed. 10.11.28 Narrator One in every five women who attend these classes is living within a polygamous marriage. Some are sold into marriage as young as twelve years old. 10.11.40 Aston AYLA SUMBUL C.A.T.O.M. volunteer Voice over Men around here see polygamy as something to be proud of, even if they don’t have the funds they’ll still bring in a second wife. And because our women don’t have financial independence they have to bow down to this. 10.11.53 Ayla Sumbul Subtitles Will your husband allow you to take a second husband? 10.11.58 Woman Subtitle No – they’d kill us! 10.12.01 Ayla Sumbul Subtitles If a man takes a second wife, he won’t hesitate to take a third. 10.12.08 Woman Subtitle Because men are greedy! 10.12.10 Music 10.12.15 Narrator Many men take more than one wife to have the largest possible family. Although there are more mouths to feed, wives and children provide free labour. Economically there is safety in numbers. Ramazan Akkutlu has three wives. And seventeen children; most of whom still live at home and all of whom work for him. 10.12.43 Ramazan Voice over Our neighbours gossip among themselves saying; why has he married three women. They say things like; he likes women too much. But that’s not the case with me. My grandfather married seven times and I don’t want this tradition to die. 10.13.01 Narrator Ramazan married his first wife when they were both fifteen. 10.13.06 Narrator His second wife was a widow with whom he eloped in the dead of night, avoiding payment of an expensive dowry. But within a few years Ramazan felt he needed one more wife to complete his family unit. 10.13.20 Aston RAMAZAN AKKUTLU Voice over When I reached my early forties I felt the need to marry again. I explained the situation to the wives that with or without their approval I was going ahead. 10.13.33 Narrator Ramazan eventually found a suitable candidate in twenty-two year old Hava, who lived in a nearby village. 10.13.40 Narrator Zukia, his first wife, helped to negotiate the bride price of five hundred pounds. But there was one detail Ramazan withheld until well after the wedding. 10.13.51 Hava Voice over One week after I arrived here my mother came and told me he had another wife. 10.13.57 Ramazan Voice over She was a little bit upset. I explained the situation to her. She hadn’t asked so that’s why I didn’t tell her but I accepted I had told a lie. I haven’t lied in this house for thirty years so for this one lie I sacrificed a ram and shared it out with the neighbours. 10.14.21 Narrator Although there’s a clear hierarchy between Ramazan’s wives they share the household duties equally. After three years of living together any rivalry is now history. 10.14.33 Hava Voice over We get on very well; like sisters. 10.14.39 Second wife Voice over When there are problems we pretend everything is fine because we want him to have peace. 10.14.49 Ramazan Voice over When I wake up one of them helps me on with my jacket. Another brings my shoes; another my socks. I’ve never put my socks on myself, they do it. When I ask for a glass of water or a meal it comes in a second. 10.15.12 Narrator But for Ramazan distributing his affections equally between three wives is far from simple, especially at night. 10.15.21 Ramazan Voice over Since I’ve only been with her for three years she gets twice the attention I give the others. So I sleep over there with her for two nights and then I spend a night here with one of my other wives, then I go back for two nights and then come back here for a night. It can be a bit tricky. 10.15.42 Resat Subtitle Bring me my phone! 10.15.45 Narrator It’s the day before the wedding. Relations between Resat and his first wife Remziye are strained. Tradition dictates that Ayse, his second bride, must stay out of sight of men or her honour will be compromised. It only serves to heighten Resat’s excitement as he plans his days and nights with two wives. 10.16.08 Resat Voice over If I sleep there a night then I must come back here the next, I have to, if I don’t I’ll have a guilty conscience and God will punish me. I’ll try and make both of them happy as long as my batteries are charged. 10.16.21 Interviewer Won’t it be tiring? 10.16.23 Resat Voice over Of course but I can rise to the challenge; that’s why I’m doing it. 10.16.31 Narrator Remziye has no choice but to accept her husband’s behaviour. 10.16.37 Ayla Sumbul Voice over If the first wife complains she’ll be beaten or even subjected to extreme violence. The husband punishes her and the children by not providing them with food. She has no power, she’s a prisoner. For example, if she ran away she would be killed. 10.17.02 Narrator This is a brutal, feudal world where people are bound together by strict codes of etiquette and honour. When immoral behaviour is suspected the penalties can be severe, especially for women. 10.17.17 Narrator While he’s been at work, Resat has learnt of an incident in a neighbouring village the night before. 10.17.24 Man Subtitles Did you hear about that woman who had her throat slit? 10.17.27 Resat Subtitles I heard something. Was it a farmer? Who did it? 10.17.32 Man Subtitles All they know is that it was a young boy. 10.17.38 Music 10.17.41 Narrator In this so-called ‘honour killing’, a woman was rumoured to have been talking to another man from outside the village while her husband was away at work. He ordered his relatives to stab her to death while she slept. 10.17.53 Music 10.17.59 Aston HACI OMER Resat’s father Voice over In our community, when honour is called into question people inevitably die. There have been hundreds of cases. Once a woman ran off with someone else. Four people were killed from one family and three from another. It happens all the time. 10.18.16 Narrator This pattern of revenge is one Resat’s father knows well. In the past he has defended his own family’s honour but he is reluctant to talk about it. 10.18.29 Haci Omer Voice over Somebody was killed. I was sentenced to twenty-one years in prison and I served my time. That’s what happened. What else can I tell you? 10.18.45 Narrator To prevent disputes between families the village elders encourage their children to only marry other villagers. But keeping families so closely inter- related comes with its own risks. 10.19.00 Narrator Ayla Sumbul is increasingly concerned at the number of children with learning disabilities in her neighbourhood. 10.19.10 Ayla Sumbul Voice over These two pupils are the children of a couple who are related to each other. They’ve been attending the course for almost a year. One of them can only recognise the letter A, the other one is up to B. One of their brothers is married. 10.19.23 Ayla Sumbul Subtitle Was the bride a relative too? Woman Subtitle Yes. 10.19.28 Ayla Sumbul Subtitle What relation is she to you? Woman Subtitle She’s my aunt’s daughter. 10.19.32 Ayla Sumbul Voice over So, another marriage where the bride and groom are related. Their kids will probably be disabled too. I can’t teach these two anything; they’re very willing to learn but their mental capacity is extremely limited. 10.19.54 Music 10.19.57 Narrator Everyone in Resat’s village seems oblivious to the medical risks of inbreeding between families. 10.20.02 Music 10.20.05 Resat Voice over About a thousand people live in our village. We don’t have any problems here, we all live together happily, we’re all related to each other, we’re all one tribe. 10.20.18 Music 10.20.23 Narrator Resat is following tradition; he’s also marrying a relative. Ayse is one of his cousins. 10.20.29 Music 10.20.36 Narrator It’s the day of the wedding. Resat’s having a last minute attack of nerves. 10.20.45 Resat Voice over I’ve waited seven years for this; it’s been a real struggle. I don’t know how to properly describe my feelings. Today I’m so happy I don’t know what to say. 10.21.02 Narrator Resat’s mother and his father’s other wife are preparing the wedding feast. Boiled mutton is on the menu. The village elders gather for the wedding feast. 10.21.18 Narrator The bride’s family is not invited and as usual the women remain in the kitchen. The bride herself is kept waiting at her parents’ home. She has no idea when she will be invited to join in the proceedings. For her it’s an anxious wait. 10.21.42 Narrator After lunch Resat’s father starts reminiscing about his own weddings. 10.21.48 Haci Omer Subtitles My second marriage was just for fun. I felt inspired to get married. Can you do it otherwise? Thanks be to God, I have 10 sons and 6 daughters. With their children now we re 50 to 60. Isn’t that a blessing from God? 10.22.04 Man Subtitles You shouldn’t have married so many times. 10.22.07 Haci Omer Subtitles No, many marriages are the key to happiness. 10.22.10 Narrator Back in the kitchen Resat’s mother is also discussing married life with one of her daughter’s in law. 10.22.19 Aston NAZLI YAGDI Resat’s sister-in-law Voice over My mother-in-law says it’s my turn next but if my husband got married a second time I wouldn’t accept it. I’d burn the house down. 10.22.29 Singing 10.22.36 Narrator By mid-afternoon it’s time for Resat to prepare himself. He sends word to his bride that she should also get ready. 10.22.54 Woman 1 Subtitle Is it the right way round? Woman 2 Subtitle It’s inside out. 10.23.03 Narrator Resat despatches his best man to go and collect the bride. 10.23.08 Woman Subtitle Come on, girls. Hurry up. 10.23.11 Best man Subtitle Bring out the bride! 10.23.13 Cheering 10.23.39 Narrator It’s only a two hundred yard drive before finally Resat can approach his veiled bride. But he’s surprised when she refuses to get out of the car without one last payment. 10.23.53 Best man Subtitles She says she’s not coming out. You’ve got to give her something. Come on, you’ll get a bad name. Ayse, here’s some money for you. 10.24.06 Cheering 10.24.10 Narrator The whole village turns out to watch the bride’s arrival, with one notable exception. 10.24.22 Narrator Finally Ayse is escorted into her new home where she gets her first glimpse of the bridal suite, and the accessories that Resat has bought for their married life. 10.24.40 Resat Subtitles You are welcome to this house. How are you feeling? 10.24.54 Narrator The marriage is not formalised until it’s been blessed by the Imam, the senior Islamic authority in the village. 10.25.07 Narrator The ceremony begins once the groom and two witnesses are assembled. Like the wedding meal no women take part, not even the bride. 10.25.16 Imam Subtitles I marry you to Haci Halil’s daughter Ayse for one gold piece. Do you take her to be your wife? 10.25.25 Resat Subtitle Yes I do. 10.25.27 Imam Subtitles I hope Allah gives you good health and respectful children. 10.25.33 Resat Subtitle God bless you. 10.25.37 Imam Subtitle I hope it all goes well. 10.25.41 Resat Subtitle God bless you. Thank you. 10.25.48 Imam Subtitle Congratulations. 10.25.55 Narrator An hour later the formalities are complete. 10.26.02 Narrator Having observed the rituals laid out in the Koran, finally Resat can unveil his bride. 10.26.11 Narrator Only now is he allowed to touch her. 10.26.22 Narrator For the next month Ayse must grieve for the family she has left behind before she can be seen to celebrate her marriage. 10.26.31 Resat Subtitle Don’t cry. What’s the matter? Why are you sad? Why are you looking so upset? We’re sleeping together tonight. Ayse… How much do you love me? Tell me. Go on, tell me, I’m listening. Tell me how much you love me. 10.27.09 Music 10.27.17 Narrator Three days later Resat is back at work repairing electrical cables. 10.27.22 Music 10.27.27 Narrator So is his new bride. She and Resat’s sisters are preparing his onion field. 10.27.32 Music 10.27.35 Narrator Remziye is having difficulties coming to terms with the new family arrangements. She’s yet to talk to Ayse. 10.27.42 Music 10.27.44 Ayse Subtitles I want us to get on, but she isn’t happy with that. So there’s a problem. The truth is, I entered her life. She didn’t come into mine. I’m the second wife. If I was here, I’d be jealous, too. 10.28.54 Music 10.27.57 Narrator Ayse is still wearing most of her gold. It will be some time before Resat has paid for it all. 10.28.04 Music 10.28.05 Ayse Subtitles He has to work day and night to pay off his debts. 10.28.11 Resat’s sister Subtitles Some say that if he doesn’t pay on time, they’ll kill him. 10.28.13 Music 10.28.18 Ayse Subtitles It’s happened – what can you do? You can’t turn the clock back. 10.28.24 Resat’s sister Subtitle Girl, stop moaning! 10.28.24 Music 10.28.28 Resat’s sister Subtitles We’re dying among these rotting onions! 10.28.30 Music 10.28.36 End music Credits 10.28.37 Narrator MELISSA BERRY Sound NICK WALKER Colourist SONNY SHERIDAN Dubbing Mixer CLIFF JONES Online Editor ROD HUTSON Title Graphics WHY NOT ASSOCIATES Production Team MARTHA O’SULLIVAN LADONNA HALL DENIZ KAYA ALISEYDI KAYA Production Manager JANE WILLEY Unit Manager SUSAN CRIGHTON Picture Editor RUSSELL CROCKETT 10.28.52 Produced by MAHMUT KAYA 10.28.56 Filmed & Directed by NICK READ 10.29.00 Executive Producer KAREN O’CONNOR Series Producer SAM BAGNALL BBC www.bbc.co.uk/thisworld © BBC MMV 10.29.03 End BBC World Weddings: The Second Wife 1 1