WORLD WEDDINGS Love Converts Tx Date: 26th May 2004 This script was made from audio tape – any inaccuracies are due to voices being unclear or inaudible 10.00.00 World Weddings Theme Music 10.00.05 Title Page WORLD WEDDINGS 10.00.13 Music 10.00.14 Narrator On the streets of Calcutta an impossible love affair has been struggling to survive. 10.00.19 Music 10.00.23 Asad She’s everything to me. I love her. 10.00.28 Music 10.00.32 Ujjala You can’t plan and fall in love; it’s not possible. 10.00.36 Narrator Ujjala and Asad face a terrible dilemma. Ujjala was born a Hindu and Asad a Muslim; and in India such love is taboo. 10.00.47 Music 10.00.50 Ujjala’s father Voice over I say you can never trust them, the Muslims. My sons say the same. You can never depend on them; they could cheat you at any time. 10.01.00 Asad’s father Voice over There’s fire and there’s water. With fire you get burnt, with water you’re ok. 10.01.08 Narrator For nine years Asad and Ujjala have met in secret. Now, they’re determined to marry. But first they must face their parents and prove that their love is more important than religion. 10.01.19 Music 10.01.28 Title Page Love Converts 10.01.35 Narrator Calcutta; a city of fourteen million, where one in five are Muslim. 10.01.40 Music 10.01.42 Narrator For generations Hindus and Muslims have lived alongside each other but intermarriage is extremely rare. 10.01.49 Music 10.01.53 Narrator Every evening Asad and Ujjala meet in secret after work. Ujjala is a twenty-nine year old bank worker. Asad, a thirty-one year old marketing executive. 10.02.07 Asad We enjoy each others company. And when we both are together, like that’s it. Even if we are walking on the street, we like each other. 10.02.19 Interviewer Have you ever been able to spend one night together? 10.02.23 Ujjala How? It’s not possible… 10.02.25 Asad It’s not possible. 10.02.27 Ujjala It’s not possible. 10.02.29 Music 10.02.31 Narrator Asad and Ujjala are playing with fire. Once their parents find out about their relationship – both of their families could be born apart. 10.02.40 Music 10.02.45 Narrator Ujjala’s father is a devout Hindu. At his sweet shop in the centre of Calcutta he begins each day with a prayer. 10.02.57 Ujjala’s father Voice over I was born Hindu. I have faith in it and so I pray. I can’t tell you why but I like it. I have a few Muslim friends; a few Muslims but most of my friends are Hindu. Religion doesn’t get in the way of friendship. 10.03.21 Interviewer And marriage? 10.03.24 Ujjala’s father Voice over In marriage it obviously does. 10.03.28 Music 10.03.30 Narrator Ujjala’s father views Muslims with intense suspicion. 10.03.37 Ujjala’s father Voice over There is hatred, particularly among Hindus. And that’s because Muslims have attacked us and tried to convert us by force. They inflicted all kinds of cruelty, there’s a whole history of this. 10.03.52 Music 10.03.56 Narrator Four hundred years ago when Muslims had conquered much of India, many Hindus were forced to convert to Islam. Under British rule divisions between Hindus and Muslims were encouraged. And when India won its independence Hindus and Muslims turned on each other in bloody riots. More than a million people from both sides were slaughtered. The painful memory of those days lingers on. 10.04.20 Music 10.04.23 Narrator For Ujjala’s father the worst thing imaginable would be for his daughter to marry a Muslim. He doesn’t yet know that that’s exactly what she’s hoping to do. 10.04.35 Narrator Across the city, Asad’s father runs a printing press in a Muslim area. He and his wife have already found out that their son is seeing a Hindu girl. 10.04.48 Asad’s father Voice over Yesterday his mother cried in front of him. She asked him; why did you do it? She asked; are we your enemies? If a Hindu girl marries a Muslim boy the parents will never be happy. 10.05.11 Asad’s father Voice over When you give birth to a child, you don’t bring them up expecting that one day they will betray you. 10.05.22 Music 10.05.29 Narrator The romance began soon after Ujjala went to college. There she met a boy; he happened to be a Muslim. 10.05.37 Music 10.05.39 Ujjala I had recently joined college and I did not know anybody so, a couple of girls were sitting there and he came to meet them and I was introduced to him. And then we became friends and then… 10.06.00 Music 10.06.03 Narrator For two years Ujjala and Asad met in secret and love blossomed. 10.06.08 Music 10.06.11 Narrator But then Ujjala’s father heard the news that his daughter had become friends with a Muslim. 10.06.20 Ujjala’s father Voice over I didn’t like it; I really didn’t like it. My feeling at the time was if I had died it would have been better. 10.06.29 Narrator He wasn’t about to let friendship turn to love. He made her virtually a prisoner in her own home. 10.06.38 Ujjala This is the room where my parents allowed me to stay, because he doesn’t want me to see Asad. I stayed in this room for one and a half years. I lost hope. And I desperately wanted to contact Asad somehow. 10.07.10 Narrator After months apart Ujjala found a way to smuggle letters across town to Asad. 10.07.17 Asad She could not write in the house so she used to sit in the toilet and write there. She used to use the toilet as the writing room. So, I think I have some over here; this is one of the letters that I have received from her. Yes. Yeah, this is one of the letters I received from her. 10.07.43 Asad My dearest Love, wish you a very Happy Birthday, best wishes for today and always. I love you. Forever yours. And she has put a lipstick mark over here. So, this was one of the letters that she give me during those days. 10.08.02 Music 10.08.10 Narrator With Ujjala safely imprisoned at home her parents began looking for a husband. 10.08.14 Music 10.08.16 Narrator He had to be a Hindu. They hoped this would put an end to Ujjala’s friendship with Asad. 10.08.22 Music 10.08.26 Ujjala And then suddenly one day I come to him, that I’m supposed to get married. I don’t know with who, I don’t know the person; I hadn’t seen the person. Till the day I got married. 10.08.42 Ujjala’s father Voice over We couldn’t just keep her in the house could we? She had to get married. She was getting older; where would she find a boy? She must get married; it’s natural. It’s not about pressure. 10.08.59 Music 10.09.05 Narrator A wedding was quickly arranged and Ujjala moved in with her new in-laws. Not only had she lost Asad but Ujjala now faced what she describes as an abusive marriage. 10.09.16 Music 10.09.19 Ujjala I still feel very disturbed by it. I still do feel very, very disturbed. 10.09.27 Asad I used to cry basically. At times like during night I used to cry. I used to feel really very helpless. 10.09.39 Music 10.09.42 Narrator After ten months of misery Ujjala fled the marriage, returning home to her parents. Since that day she and her father have not spoken a word to each other. Asad had stayed faithful. 10.09.59 Asad I waited for her. It’s because of love that I waited for her. 10.10.11 Music 10.10.14 Narrator Ujjala is now divorced and for the past five years she’s been reunited with Asad. They’ve continued to meet in secret. 10.10.24 Ujjala We want to stay together, live together, more than that wake up together. I mean it’s important. 10.10.32 Asad Enjoy each other and every moment of our life together. The happiness, the sadness, whatever it may bring. 10.10.40 Ujjala Grow old together. Like to grow old together. I mean now we are growing old without each other. We’d like to grow old together. If I run away, maybe tomorrow we will come back to the family. If I had a child, I mean I would like my child to have a grandparent. I want my children to be with my father and to like, enjoy, we really enjoyed our childhood with my Dad. 10.11.16 Music 10.11.21 Narrator Asad and Ujjala have always been too scared to confront their parents and try to win their support to marry. Now it’s time for them to face their fears head on. 10.11.31 Singing 10.11.39 Narrator It’s the Muslim festival of Eid. One of the most important days of the year for Asad and his family. The festival involves the sacrifice of cows and animals sacred to Hindus. 10.11.55 Narrator At Asad’s house the ritual is being led by his father. 10.12.01 Asad’s father Subtitles I feel happy because this is what Allah has asked us to do. We do the sacrifice in Allah’s name. 10.12.15 Narrator The festivities have put Asad’s father in a good mood. Asad’s hoping that this is the moment to win his parent’s approval to marry Ujjala. 10.12.23 Asad’s father Subtitles If a Muslim boy marries a Hindu girl there will be problems. People will start causing trouble. There’s a chance that it’ll be OK… 10.12.39 Asad Subtitles But if you both agree to the marriage then people have nothing to say. 10.12.44 Asad’s father Subtitles Listen – we have to live in this society so we have to follow its rules. 10.12.55 Asad’s mother Subtitles We wanted to select the girl ourselves. A girl of our choice. 10.13.01 Asad’s father That is the wish of every parent. 10.13.07 Asad Subtitles But it’s too late for that. She says she’s willing to convert. 10.13.24 Asad’s father Subtitles This marriage is not our choice – it’s yours. But if she converts, then we don’t have a problem. 10.13.32 Asad Subtitles But she has to convert before the wedding? 10.13.35 Asad’s father Subtitles Yes. If she hasn’t already done it, you can’t marry. 10.13.42 Narrator Asad has won the blessing of his parents. But Ujjala must convert to Islam, one of the greatest taboos of all for a Hindu. 10.13.54 Woman 1 Subtitles Why should she convert? That is my question. Why should she convert? When she’s brought up in one religion since childhood, why should she convert? 10.14.03 Woman 2 Why should you give up your religion to marry someone? That someone, if he loves you, he should accept you as you are. Irrespective of class, creed, whatever. 10.14.12 Ujjala Exactly, I accept him as he is. He is…I accept him as he is. 10.14.20 Woman 2 I am going to be very honest with you. People, society, will accept anything but getting married to a Muslim is an eye opener, is a hair raiser because what do the Muslims, when they get married to you they make you convert. You have to adopt that religion, right, something that you’ve never been brought up with. How can you just adopt something overnight and give up your true God? You can marry within your community, out of your community but not a Muslim. 10.14.49 Ujjala Why is it like this, I don’t understand the concept, I don’t understand why, why, why? What, what difference does it make, what difference? 10.15.00 Music 10.15.06 Narrator But Ujjala knows only too well the distress her conversion to Islam will cause to her family. 10.15.11 Music 10.15.15 Narrator She’s making the long journey to her ancestral village, where all her relatives are gathering for the family’s annual religious festival. 10.15.22 Music 10.15.24 Narrator It’s a chance for her to break the news to her relatives about her relationship with Asad. 10.15.28 Music/family festival 10.15.56 Narrator If Ujjala converts to Islam this will be the last time she can attend this family ritual. 10.16.02 Family festival 10.16.13 Narrator Her family is delighted to see her. Ujjala can’t bring herself to tell any of them that she’s about to betray them. 10.16.25 Ujjala I wish I could tell them that I’m going for the last time. This is what I’ve chosen to; that’s my choice. 10.16.45 Narrator It’s dawning on Ujjala that if she marries Asad her family may never want to see her again. 10.17.00 Narrator Two weeks later and Ujjala can no longer put off the moment she’s been dreading. 10.17.06 Ujjala I’m going to meet my parents now and ask them about their opinion, what they think about the marriage, my marriage with Asad and what, what we are going to do now, how to go about the marriage. 10.17.24 Narrator It’s the first time Ujjala has tried to speak to her father in more than six years. 10.17.50 Ujjala’s father Subtitle Come, sit here. 10.17.52 Ujjala crying 10.18.28 Ujjala Subtitle What shall we do? 10.18.33 Ujjala’s mother Subtitle When do you want to get married? 10.18.35 Ujjala Subtitle You say. Whenever you say. 10.18.43 Ujjala’s mother Subtitles We’ll call those people and talk with them. The how, the when, the wherefore of it all. 10.18.53 Narrator For Asad and Ujjala it’s a crucial breakthrough. At last it looks like the two families are going to meet. 10.19.00 Ujjala Make it tomorrow; my parents want to meet your parents. So, ask for a time and then give me call back. 10.19.10 Music 10.19.30 Narrator The following evening Ujjala’s parents have arrived at Asad’s house to sit down with his parents face to face. 10.19.41 Asad’s father Subtitles We hardly made any food, for fear you would not eat it. 10.19.59 Asad’s father Subtitle Please have a little. 10.20.01 Ujjala’s father Subtitle We’ll just have a cold drink. 10.20.03 Asad’s father Subtitles Some sweets? At least just as a matter of custom. Taste a bit. 10.20.15 Ujjala’s father Subtitles This marriage is not what we wanted. We won’t contribute anything. I’m not objecting but it’s not what I want either. 10.20.26 Asad’s father Subtitles It’s not about what we want! The more one broods about it, the worse one feels. The time to be angry with them is over. Now we will work together to make it happen. 10.20.45 Ujjala’s father Subtitles I cannot find the words to express myself. You cannot ever feel what I am feeling now. 10.20.56 Asad’s father Subtitles Will the marriage cause major problems in your family? 10.21.00 Ujjala’s father Subtitles There is no one who is violent in our family. We all respect each other. 10.21.08 Asad’s father Subtitles That is the point. Let there be no conflict between our two families. 10.21.15 Ujjala’s father Subtitles There is no one like that. Times have changed. From our side, no one will be invited. None of our relatives will be coming. 10.21.27 Asad’s father Subtitles So nobody from your side is coming? 10.21.29 Ujjala’s father Subtitles We will not be inviting anybody. Myself, my wife and our two children, that’s all that will be there. 10.21.56 Narrator A month later. And at Asad’s house preparations are underway for the wedding. 10.22.01 Asad’s father On one part of the menu card it will be written as; Welcome to the reception of Asad and Ujjala at Excellency Point. And then the other side of the menu will be written the whole menu which is to be served on that day. Pineapple Blossom. Paneer stick with tomato and capsicum. And Chicken Pocola for the snacks. Right. 10.22.25 Asad Starters. 10.22.26 Asad’s father Starters. Snacks. 10.22.28 Interviewer What are you feeling? 10.22.30 Asad Feeling nice. 10.22.33 Interviewer Excited? 10.22.34 Asad Yes. Definitely. Feeling excited. 10.22.38 Asad’s father His mind is zooming in the, in all the…sky of the heavens. The boy is flying in the sky. 10.22.49 Music 10.22.54 Narrator At Ujjala’s house the mood is very different. She lives in an extended family with her uncle, aunt, cousins and grandmother. Ujjala’s mother knows the other members of the household are furious about the marriage. 10.23.08 Music 10.23.11 Ujjala’s mother Voice over It’s all gone very quiet in the house. No one wants to talk to us. My sister-in-law told me she was very angry. She said what’s happening is wrong. 10.23.27 Music 10.23.30 Ujjala’s father Voice over What will happen in the future? How it will happen, what will we do? It’s beyond my understanding. We were a joint family until now. Now that’s under threat. As far as I’m concerned I would prefer it if we had nothing more to do with her. 10.24.00 Music 10.24.02 Narrator With her family taking no part in the preparations, it’s down to Ujjala and Asad to pay for the entire wedding. 10.24.10 Shopkeeper It’s a lot of money. Don’t worry. 10.24.13 Music 10.24.16 Asad I’m bankrupt by now. 10.24.17 Music 10.24.19 Ujjala Every day the budget is… 10.24.21 Asad Shooting up. It’s rocketing up. It’s not shooting up it’s rocketing up. 10.25.25 Music 10.24.29 Narrator Asad and Ujjala have known each other for nine years. But as she tries on her wedding outfit, cultural differences are beginning to show. 10.24.37 Music 10.24.40 Asad I think it’s too revealing. 10.24.41 Ujjala What? 10.24.42 Asad …the shoulder… 10.24.45 Ujjala It’s ok. 10.24.46 Asad No, it’s not ok. 10.24.47 Ujjala It’s supposed to be like this on me. 10.24.48 Asad And I can see your stomach. 10.24.50 Ujjala So what; will you… 10.24.53 Asad We come from a conservative family. So it is just a thought that it may be a problem. It may not be a problem also but… 10.25.03 Asad Subtitle You’ll get me into trouble! 10.25.05 Ujjala Subtitle It’s supposed to be like this! 10.25.08 Narrator In twenty-four hours Ujjala will convert to Islam and move in with Asad’s family. 10.25.17 Music 10.25.22 Narrator It’s the day of the wedding. Asad’s house is brimming with excitement. 10.25.27 Asad Everyone has come; like my grandmother has come from Bangladesh to attend the wedding. Cousins, aunties. My brother and sister, all of them. My entire family is here. 10.25.39 Music 10.25.43 Narrator Ujjala’s house is quiet. 10.25.45 Music 10.25.49 Narrator Her extended family has now separated. Her uncle, aunt, cousins and grandmother have all moved out. Avoiding the shame of the marriage. 10.25.59 Music 10.26.01 Ujjala Normally the bride is surrounded by so many people, the relatives, friends. If it would have been a normal marriage then the house would have been full of relatives and full of people. 10.26.19 Music 10.26.22 Narrator Even Ujjala’s parents are not coming to the wedding. 10.26.24 Music 10.26.26 Narrator Her father has changed his mind and is going to spend the day at the sweet shop. 10.26.30 Music 10.26.36 Narrator Her mother is staying at home. 10.26.37 Music 10.27.14 Narrator At a nearby mosque, in the presence of an Imam, Ujjala is leaving behind her religion. These legal papers declare she’s now a Muslim. 10.27.25 Imam Subtitles Tell me, are you signing this of your own free will? Are you under any pressure from the Muslim community? Speak loudly. 10.27.39 Ujjala Subtitle No. 10.27.41 Is there a problem? 10.27.45 Narrator As she exchanges marriage vows Ujjala knows she’s sacrificing the honour of her entire family. 10.27.51 Imam Subtitle Repeat – I, Ujjala Khatoun… 10.27.54 Ujjala Subtitle I, Ujjala Khatoun… 10.27.56 Imam Subtitle You have to speak up. 10.28.01 Ujjala Subtitle I, Ujjala Khatoun… 10.28.03 Imam Subtitle In the presence of witnesses… 10.28.05 Ujjala Subtitle In the presence of witnesses… 10.28.07 Imam Subtitle …I agree to marry you. 10.28.11 Ujjala Subtitle …I agree to marry you. 10.28.14 Music 10.28.43 Narrator By the next day Asad and Ujjala are certain all the heartache has been worthwhile. 10.28.48 Music 10.28.52 Ujjala I’m very happy. 10.28.54 Asad I’m flying; catch me if you can. 10.28.57 End music 10.29.03 Narrator Have your say on tonight’s show by joining the debate on our web site: bbc.co.uk/thisworld Credits 10.28.58 Narrator MICHAEL LUMSDEN Additional Sound ASHOK KUMAR Dubbing Mixer SUE MALPASS Colourist KEVIN HORSWOOD Online Editor GARETH WILLIAMS Production Team JULIA DANNENBERG SARAH HANKS MARTHA O’SULLIVAN AGNES TEEK Production Manager JANE WILLEY Unit Manager SUSAN CRIGHTON Research OLLY BOOTLE Assistant Producer SHABNAM GREWAL Film Editor JAY TAYLOR Filmed, Produced & Directed by ASHOK PRASAD 10.29.15 Executive Producer KAREN O’CONNOR Series Producer SAM BAGNALL www.bbc.co.uk/thisworld BBC © BBC MMIV 10.29.17 End BBC This World: World Weddings 1 1