Why I took my wife's name

" I proposed to my girlfriend on 8 August 2004 at her best friend's house. We had been going out for just over a year and a half. We then began the long task of planning the wedding. The venue was booked and a date was set in June 2006.

The subject of the surname had cropped up before and we jokingly dismissed whether we would become Mr and Mrs Smith. What usually happened was one of us would bring the subject up, we would discuss it, then decide it was too much of a headache to think about and push it back down the list of things to plan.

You see my wife's maiden name has Italian origins, whereas my surname is Smith. I think you can see straight away where we had a little dilemma. Look in any local telephone directory and there are pages and pages of Smiths, so it is not as though the name will die out.

Trouble

As the wedding got nearer we thought maybe we could just use double-barrelled surnames. We both agreed we would leave it to our honeymoon and discuss it on a sun-drenched beach.

I had always been adamant that I did not want my wife to keep her maiden name. I wanted us to be 'Mr and Mrs something'. She agreed.

"In the end the love for my wife was the deciding factor"
Julian Vicari

The urge to mesh

I also knew how much trouble she had giving her name over the phone when booking something. They always ask her to spell it, so having a double-barrelled surname would cause even more confusion.

Also, it would mean both of us having to change bank details, etc. Although it is worth saying that my wife had no problem with being known as Mrs Smith.

The decision to change my surname was solely my undertaking. The main reason I considered changing my surname to my wife's was to do with the fact that I love my wife more than anything in the world, I saw this gesture of taking on her surname as a show of my love for her and would carry on her family name as my father-in-law has two daughters. Also, I quite liked the idea of breaking the normal tradition, doing something almost unique.

My in-laws only found out I was changing it last week. Mainly because right up to, and after, receiving the deed poll I was still unsure whether I wanted to change my surname. In the end I just thought 'why not', my reasons are very good. Although it has been strange - almost as though I am turning into a different person.

Different person

I used a reputable company to get my name changed by Deed Poll and they supplied me with a very long list of companies and government contacts who I had to notify about the change of surname. I had the Deed Poll witnessed on 29 July 2006 so, from that date, I was no longer Julian Smith.

I had totally forgotten about practising my signature, so I had to have a quick go before I signed the Deed Poll. Now I am currently going through the long list.

It may sound quite simple to change your surname but if you look into it there is a lot to consider and it is not something you should take lightly. I thought about it for a long time, but in the end the love for my wife was the deciding factor. "

Add your comments on this story, using the form below.

I think that it is a lovely gesture! As long as one of the surnames is being used - woman are also part of the "family tree"!
Erma Steyl, Mafikeng, South Africa

Funnily enough, my fiance spoke to my parents only yesterday for their permission to take my name when we marry. I am the only child and have no cousins to carry on our name, not that it's a particularly rare name, but it is still less widespread than Smith. As Julian said, it isn't something that my partner has taken lightly and it has been purely his decision. In our case, because I had always intended to keep my name, one of our major considerations was that we would like our children to carry the same name as the two of us. I imagine as time goes by, this will become a more popular option and couples won't get the slightly bewildered reaction that we have received. On a practical note, I shall pass on Julian's tip about practising signatures - I'm sure it has not yet crossed his mind.
ALS, Warwickshire, UK

I think it is a good idea to take the least common of the two (maiden) names; (although the logic of that in theory would be that all surnames became just as common as each other). What I don't understand is why Mr. Vicari needed to change his name by deed poll - when a woman who marries takes her husband's surname, she just adopts it. What is the legal position here?
PJ, W. Yorks, UK

Did Julian's father give him away at the wedding then? The reason I ask is because this part of the ceremony is where the bride's father gives her away not only to the husband's protection but also that of the new family who's name she is to adopt!
Matt

I see no issues at all with the husband taking the wife's surname. I can quite understand why Julian decided to change. My maiden name also used to be Smith, and without wishing to offend my family, couldn't wait to change it! The sad thing is I have no siblings so nobody will carry the family name on, so maybe I should have kept my old surname after all!
Caroline Ley, London

Quite a good idea (don't Smiths have a lot of trouble with identity theft?). The other problem with the surname Smith is that sometimes people don't believe you especially the "John Smith-yes-that-really-is-my-name, from the Home Office. I did read about a young man who got a lot of hassle from the police because his name was William Shakespeare (not sure if he lived in Stratford but I think the story was in the Evesham Journal) Possibly the Vicaris have been here before as there are a lot of Vickerys in this area.
David Benyon, Bude

You don't need to go to the hassle and expense of a deed poll. I took my wife's surname (alongside mine) 11 years ago after we got married, and whenever anyone mentioned deed polls because of my new surname, I just asked them to do exactly what they would do if I were a woman taking her husband's surname. I have had no problems at all with any institution, including DVLA, passport office, Inland Revenue, bank etc.
Toby, Bristol

It is interesting that in these days of "gender equality" the man must jump through many more hoops to change his name after marriage. Good luck to Julian.
Cameron Smith, Bath, UK

What a lovely story. I took my husband's surname when we married and I'm glad I don't have to spell it out anymore. But ladies please note - no-one gives you that list of contacts you need when you marry - it took me until last month to get the last one changed. (I've been married 8 years).
Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK

In Japan, if the bride has no brothers to carry on the family line - the groom can take the bride's surname to preserve the bride's family name.
Eamon, Shinjo City, Japan>

At secondary school, we learnt our English teacher's husband had a secret. According to him, in the many years his wife had been teaching he had gotten used to being called Mr Taylor (her surname). One day he went ahead and made it official as a loving gesture to his wife and her career. The story left an indelible impression on our class. I don't think any of us had even considered the possibility of a man taking his wife's name. As to having just one surname, I come from an Muslim culture where there may be as many as three surnames in one family: both the wife and husband keep their surname whilst the children have their father's first name as their last name. Not only that, one branch of my family are matrilineal and adopt the matriach's clan name. Keeping track of relatives consists of a very complicated family tree! To keep matters simple I have proposed to have all the daughters in the family use the mother's last name, while the sons use the father's. That way it supports both the matrilineal and patrilineal traditions in our family.
Khairiah, Los Angeles, California

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