BBC News Online: UK

New face of flirting

Ever since Samuel Johnson defined the word as "a pert young hussy", the flirtatious have been branded fickle and flighty.

Not wanting to appear lechers or teases, members of both sexes have eschewed what is a natural form of communication, according to therapist Peta Heskell.

She says flirting is an instinctive social skill which far too many people have learned to supress - and now she is looking to redress the balance.

This weekend, up to 30 flirty wannabes will step into her workshop to learn the skills which promise to make them the life and soul of the party.

An assortment of hand-picked flirting experts, as well as a salsa dance teacher, will be on hand to help students in this academy of flirtatious conduct.

Ms Heskell - who puts her youthful appearance and outlook down to several daily doses of flirting - said: "I'm 46, yet by most people's standards I am very attractive, and look much younger than I am.

"I think flirting has had some very bad press, when actually it is something which is very good for you, and for those around you."

The art of flirting correctly depends on sending out the right signals, she says.

Making brief eye contact with someone who takes your fancy is fine - but don't do it gratuitously if you can't deal with the possible consequences.

"It is great to let people know you find them interesting. It is flattering to them, and it makes you feel good too. You just have to know how to do it," she said.

So students are taken through exercises in which role play is followed up with an appraisal.

Each flirt undergrad has to say how he or she interpreted another person's behaviour.

"Recognition," says Ms Heskell, "is half the battle won. You might not realise that when you smile, you stick your tongue out, or that you appear disinterested when you are not. So another person's perspective is always valuable."

Pupils are also taught to modulate their voices so that shrieking vocals do not put off would-be suitors - and they learn to pick up body language and flatter their target by imitating it.

But it's not about changing your personality. Ms Heskell says: "That would be no good at all - you can't pretend, because you will always be found out.

"It's about making the most of your best assets."

She says the Bridget Jones Diary idea that there are no single men in the world for over 30-year-olds is sheer laziness.

"If all they do with their lives is sit in and watch Ally McBeal on the television, then of course they are not going to meet anyone.

"Everyone needs to get out where they can meet people."

Her website advises providing people with a reason to talk to you. Wearing interesting jewellery or a flashy tie is tipped.

Also, it says, smiling and radiating good thoughts has to be worked on. Ms Heskell suggests starting on old people, who might be lonely and welcome the contact.

Students - before they are let loose on London's King's Road to practise their skills - are told that they must learn to deal with rejection.

If someone doesn't want to dance, leave them alone. Don't pester people. Always take no for an answer, graciously.

"Flirting is much under-rated. It doesn't just have to be used in a romantic context, either. It is completely acceptible to flirt with every person you interact with," said Ms Heskell.

"You can pay compliments to people at work without being gushy. It will make them feel good, and it will make you a pleasant person to be around.

"I personally think it is quite selfish not to flirt - you are spoiling it for everyone else."

According to Ms Heskell, a good flirt will:

• Have sparkling eyes. "They will be looking around at people, they will appear coy, they will be making eye-contact with a lot of people."

• Have their hand on someone's arm. "Natural flirts are tactile with people they know, but they will never get too close, and they know that standing at an angle works best."

• Probably have a group of people around them. "Flirting makes everyone feel good, so they gravitate towards it."

• Be laughing and joking and enjoying themselves. "It's a much more fun way of interacting with people."

---

UK Contents

Northern Ireland
Scotland
Wales
England

Internet Links

FlirtZone - Peta's Flirting Universe
Flirting for Success, Jill Spiegel

The BBC is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.

In this section

Next steps for peace
Blairs' surprise over baby
Bowled over by Lord's
Beef row 'compromise' under fire
Hamilton 'would sell mother'
Industry misses new trains target
Quins fightback shocks Cardiff (From Sport)
Vodafone takeover battle heats up (From Business)
IRA ceasefire challenge rejected
Thousands celebrate Asian culture
Christie could get two-year ban (From Sport)
Colleagues remember Compo (From Entertainment)
Mother pleads for baby's return
Toys withdrawn in E.coli health scare
Nurses role set to expand (From Health)
Israeli PM's plane in accident
More lottery cash for grassroots
Pro-lifers plan shock launch
Double killer gets life
Cold 'cure' comes one step closer (From Health)
Straw on trial over jury reform (From UK Politics)
Tatchell calls for rights probe into Mugabe
Ex-spy stays out in the cold
Blair warns Livingstone (From UK Politics)
Smear equipment `misses cancers' (From Health)
Boyzone star gets in Christmas spirit (From Entertainment)
Fake bubbly warning
Murder jury hears dead girl's diary
Germ warfare fiasco revealed (From UK Politics)
Blair babe triggers tabloid frenzy
Tourists shot by mistake
A new look for News Online

---

Front Page | World | UK | UK Politics | Business | Sci/Tech | Health | Education | Sport | Entertainment | Talking Point | High Graphics | Feedback | Help | Noticias | Newyddion |

---

---

Back to top | BBC News Home | BBC Homepage | ©