R.I.P. Monday

The offspring of the audit firm PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) and the branding experts at Wolf Olins, Monday came into the world on, appropriately, a Monday in early June.

Having announced that it was trying to conceive some months earlier, PwC spent an estimated $110m (£75m) in its quest for a healthy offspring.

The delighted parents celebrated the birth with doughnuts and hot coffee, and planned a stock float later this summer to mark Monday's coming of age.

At the christening, PwC spoke of its hopes that the fledgling business consultancy would embody all that was fresh and bright about its namesake, the first day of the week: "Sharpen your pencil, iron your crispy white shirts, set the alarm clock, relish the challenge, listen, be fulfilled, make an impact, take a risk."

But it proved to be a risk too far.

Monday soon fell on its own sharpened pencil by succumbing to Mondayitis, a debilitating ailment associated with hangovers, lack of motivation and the recurring grumble of "still four more days to go!". Far from being in rude health, Monday frequently slept through its alarm and burnt itself while ironing its shirts.

Even those close to the parents expressed fears that Monday was ill-equipped to cope in the cut-throat business world. Indeed, soon after the birth, Monday's weight dropped dramatically in a round of job cuts.

In announcing the death, PwC revealed that Monday's effects had been left to its playmate, IBM Global Services.

Monday will be buried in a shared plot, where it is expected that its ailing friend, Consignia, will soon join it.

It is however survived by its siblings QinetiQ, 0², Accenture, Diageo, Centrica, Thus and Uniq.

No flowers.

Add your tribute by using the form below:

Big Blue Monday.
Ed Vista, UK

No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Boomtown Rat, UK

Got rebranded as Monday, thought it was a good idea on Tuesday, talked of floating it on Wednesday, worried on Thursday, had to cut jobs on Friday, Saturday, it died on Sunday.
C David, UK

Oh no! And what about the poor introducingmonday parody site? "We've got your name, la la la."
Gary, UK

WOKE
UP
MONDAY:
GOT
BOUGHT
OUT
FELL
ON
CEREMONIAL
REBRANDING
SWORD
GOODBYE
Andy, UK, as seen in the Register

So this is Monday Mourning.
Chris, UK

Monday, Monday
Looked good to PwC
Monday, Monday
Wasn't quite all they'd hoped it would be
On Monday morning
A new wave was dawning
But wasn't to be
On Tuesday evening Monday crashed and burned... hey ho.
Mik, UK

IBM - I Bought Monday
Dougie, US