Every time she reads about staff shortages in radiotherapy units Alison Rawlings feels a huge pang of guilt.
She qualified as a therapeutic radiographer 10 years ago, but left the profession soon after gaining her degree, following workplace bullying and feeling the pressures of looking after so many sick and terminally ill patients as a teenager.
A decade later she feels stronger and wants to return, but says she cannot afford to do so.
Going back into the profession would mean her working without pay for three months and then taking a £10,000 pay cut from her present salary as a conference organiser.
Guilt
She wants to see the NHS offer would-be returnees like herself financial incentives to enable them to return to the profession.
"Part of me feels really guilty that I have this qualification and am not using it.
"It is quite a big thing dealing with people who are dying in front of you when you are only 18 and we did not get any help with how to deal with this"
"I can't use it for anything else, but I can't afford to go back and it is just a shame.
"I am sure I am not the only one in this position and I think something should be done. If I went back into the profession I would be starting at a salary of about £18,500, where I live in London.
"I have a flat and a mortgage I have to pay each month. There is no way I could afford to drop that much and to go for three months without pay while I am training.
"It would be great if they had some sort of incentive to cover your living costs."
A recent report by the British Medical Journal said that staff shortages in radiotherapy units across the UK are leading to long waits for cancer patients and may be reducing their survival chances.
It said departments are often less able to cope with the volume of patients than their counterparts in many poorer countries, resulting in longer waits and leaving many patients with reduced chances of surviving cancer.
The Department of Health agreed an urgent capacity expansion was needed.
Pressures
Alison said workplace bullying during training had knocked her confidence so drastically that she had left the profession.
She added that she also found it difficult during her teenage years to cope with the pressures of dealing with so many sick and terminally ill patients.
At the time, she said, there had been nobody for students like herself to turn to for advice, but that now she as a mature graduate she felt much more able to contemplate taking up her career again.
"I did not have a happy time and I was only in the job for six months after qualifying before I left.
"As students the conditions we were expected to live in were awful, conditions you would not keep a dog in.
"I did really enjoy the job, and feeling I was helping people, but it is quite a big thing dealing with people who are dying in front of you when you are only 18 and we did not get any help with how to deal with this.
"People should contact their local hospital to see what is possible and they might be able to offer them some sort of package"
"And as a student I used to get bullied; it was mainly verbal abuse, but it totally knocked my confidence. I became anorexic and my weight plummeted to just six and a half stones.
"When I left I went into office work and it was difficult then to persuade people to give me an office job, because they kept saying 'you have trained to do this job, why do you want to do an office job?'."
Alison has made efforts to get back into the profession and contacted one London hospital about vacancies, but was told that she must take three months unpaid work on the job, shadowing colleagues first.
Richard Evans, of the Society of Radiographers, said that because of the national shortage graduates like Alison should be able to negotiate themselves a deal about pay and retraining.
"In terms of getting the costs met, because we have been going through a period of shortages a lot of people can find that they have their costs covered, such as the interim costs while training. They can negotiate with the hospital that wants them to work there.
"There are many hospitals with a number of vacancies and people should contact their local hospital to see what is possible and they might be able to offer them some sort of package."
Incentives
A spokesman for the Department of Health said it was aware of the shortages.
"Over 300 radiography returners have re-joined the NHS since April 2001. We are also examining ways to simplify entry routes and access to adaptation training for overseas trained radiographers. In addition, the Department of Health is working closely with the Society and College of Radiographers (SoR) in developing recruitment resources for trusts.
"Some parts of the country do provide return to practice courses for radiotherapists that cover some or all of the costs of re-training. To find out about opportunities in your local area then those with a medical qualification (doctors) should contact their local deanery."
Those who are not medically qualified, such as nurses and healthcare assistants, can contact their local workforce lead through www.nhscareers.nhs.uk or 0845 606055.
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