Tumour diary: Words of encouragement

Here he describes making progress and getting to grips with complementary medicine.

I heard from my doctor today something which I had already decided to believe: He told me that I do have a chance of beating the tumour.

Another doctor, a friend, told me the same a few days ago.

It is a relief. I have been too scared to ask whether my treatment is really an attempt to destroy the tumour or just to slow it down and prolong my life as long as possible.

I do not care how big or small the chance of full remission is. It is my chance and I will seize it.

High dose treatment

I learnt more about how my radiotherapy was planned from one of the radiographers today.

Calculating the angle at which to aim the X-ray beams at my head was a complex business.

The radiographers have done a wonderful job. Two beams of X-rays are slowly but surely dosing the tumour with radiation to disrupt its growth but they are carefully aimed to miss vital areas of my lower brain.

" I have been too scared to ask whether my treatment is really an attempt to destroy the tumour or just to slow it down "

On the planning form for the treatment there are two boxes for the doctor to describe the type of radiotherapy, one marked "radical" and the other marked "palliative".

I was delighted to see that on my form, the tick was against the word "radical".

The radiation dose is very high. My healthy, non-cancerous brain cells should be able to stand it and return to normal in the end, but we hope the cells in the tumour will wither under the assault, just like my hair has done.

It is falling out all over my head now.

The left and back, where the X-rays enter my head, fell out last week.

Now the right and top, where the two beams leave my head, are also coming away. I have a fringe of stubble and not much else.

Given that everyone is taking such good care of me, I have had to think about what I can do to support the process.

I have little trouble maintaining a positive attitude, universally recommended as the best medicine, but I have had to think hard about all the other remedies.

I have had dozens of pieces of advice from friends, family, people who have read this column and cancer support sites on the internet.

Some have been quite unconventional, like the person who told me about someone who drank large spoonfuls of curry powder in a glass of water each day with the result that the tumour left the body of its own accord.

I am a great curry fan but I can't see my tumour crawling down my neck or out of my nose.

An awful lot of the advice makes very good sense to me.

I have tried to put a sensible diet together, cutting right back on red meat, dairy products, sugary foods and my beloved pork pies.

Instead I am eating stacks of antioxidant fruit and vegetables like apples, tomatoes, broccoli and beans.

Fish has taken the place of steaks and mince.

I am not sure whether eating better will make any difference but it has turned out to be less of a wrench than I expected.

Mind over matter?

Many people said various forms of visualisation would help me beat the cancer.

My mother is a big believer in these things and she taught me how to improve the way I imagine the tumour melting under the radiation.

" I do have the urge to do everything I can to swing the odds in my favour and not simply be a passive recipient of treatment "

I now see in my mind a full colour picture of it gasping its last each time I go under the machine.

Other people have told me to try relaxation techniques and I can certainly see the sense in them.

Having a condition like this does generate a powerful urge to get things done right now and I often work myself into a hectic frenzy, which cannot be good for me and is definitely not easy to live with.

I have not found anything yet but I am thinking tai chi or yoga might help.

Waste disposal

I hope that the cells in my tumour are starting to die now. If they are then my body has the job of getting rid of them. So I do need to make life as easy as possible for my kidneys and liver.

I am downing two litres of water a day, trying to walk more so to keep up my metabolic rate and taking an extremely moderate approach to alcohol and coffee, normally two great pleasures in my life.

I am surprised to find myself feeling so open to all these things.

Under normal circumstances I would be more sceptical.

But I do have the urge to do everything I can to swing the odds in my favour and not simply be a passive recipient of treatment.

I did have to draw the line at apricot kernels, though.

They are recommended by many sources as containing a vitamin which attacks cancer in the same way as vitamin C attacks scurvy.

What put me off was a medical research paper describing the effects they had in a fairly substantial number of patients. None showed any measurable progress, but a substantial proportion suffered toxic side effects as their bodies released cyanide from one of the components of the kernels.

For the moment I am hoping a more conventional poison will help: In just over a week, I finish my radiotherapy and then my chemotherapy starts on 5 November.

Your e-mails to Ivan

You are very brave. You have a lot of power in your words and your mind. My Grandad never spoke of his illness, but I believe it would have been better for him if he had. I wish you all the best in the world, and your daughter and family. Hope to hear more from you in the future, and when I get to do journalism as a career, you'll certainly be on my mind. Thank you. All the best,
Nick Dalby, Leeds, UK

" You're onto a winner "
Philip, England

If you need the support of others then you're also onto a winner as you will have thousands of readers rooting for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Philip, England

Can you feel the will of other people who want you to get better? It is very much there!
Tom Draper, UK

Each week I wait for Thursday to come round to read your progress. I believe positive thinking is a major part in beating any form of cancer - and that is why my brother is fit and well today. I send you very good wishes and much luck for the coming weeks and months.
Sharon, UK

" Shrink that tumour into non-existence! "
S Greene, UK

You can only begin to imagine how much your willingness to share this experience is helping us at the moment. Thank you Ivan. I wish you all the wellness it'll take to shrink that tumour into non-existence! Warmest wishes to you and your family.
S Greene, UK

Ivan, definitely try Tai Chi, it's great. People in Hong Kong assemble in local parks and do Tai Chi daily and it keeps them fit well into old age. You could raid your local health food shop for a product called Essiac. It's an old Indian herbal remedy with excellent results. It doesn't taste great but the properties are fantastic. It's usually made as a tea. Alternative medicine to back up the traditional is a very wise move. I wish you all the luck in the world, you are in our prayers.
Janice, USA

Ivan, just a couple of things. First, hair is overrated. If you lived in Houston, Texas, you'd know it's really a liability. Second, T'ai Chi Chuan is a great form of exercise that works from the inside out. It helps strengthen your body's energies as well as your body's muscles. Please read some books and internet articles about the art. I think it may suit your introspective endeavours.
Lisa Ann, US

" You look a lot like me "
Spencer Hall,
United States

You look a lot like me, which is one of the reasons I stopped cold when I read your article. You wear the same kind of glasses I do - thick, ruthlessly hip black frames. You have a similar Anglo head, similar features. And you give me hope, because if I resemble you in any other way, then I'll face life (and all the things it can throw at you, brain tumours included) with calm courage.
PS - Good brain tumour joke for you - Robert Maples, famous American forensic pathologist, said the same thing every time anyone asked about the progress of his tumour: "Docs took a look at my head last week - still nothing there!"
Spencer Hall, United States

I wish you all the best. One question. Where are you having your treatment? And do you know what equipment it is?
Homeira Washer, UK

Ivan, I have a brother who had a glioblastoma (grade four glioma) more than six years ago, and he is alive and well today! What's more he was in his 40s at the time, which put him in a poorer prognostic group. So keep fighting!
Tiong Ong, USA

You have already won. You just don't know it yet.
Larry Awoniyi, UK

Ivan, you've got an awful lot of us gripped here. All best wishes on your road to recovery.
Patrick, England

" I'm going to get my radiography students to read your columns "
Judith Calvert, England

I'm pleased the radiographers have explained what they are doing with the most important bit being the tick in the 'radical' box. Keep writing - I'm going to get my radiography students to read your columns. Hopefully they will gain some insight into how a patient feels when they are not in the hospital environment.
Judith Calvert, England

Read Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch - its nothing to do with religion. It will give you a whole new perspective on life and your illness. It also contains a myriad of ways and explanations to beat this and any other problem you can encounter in life. Its the most amazing book ever written.
Ben, UK

Nice to meet you. Hope to hear of you on the other side of this storm; meanwhile take care of yourself.
x
Tabetha, England

I am a Christian and believe that with God all things are possible. I really admire your attitude and wish you the very best. I pray that God will heal you and give your wife and young child strength at this time.
N Sunny, England

" Up here, we eat a lot of fish "
Rudi, Norway

Up here, we eat quite a lot of fish. Read recently in local papers that the non-saturated oils in fish prevent cancer cells from developing. My two cents.
Rudi, Norway

A bloody minded attitude to get better is just as important as the drugs. Keep on fighting.
Anthony, UK

I practice life philosophy of Nichiren Buddhism in Soka Gakkai. I want to say to Ivan to chant NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO.
Yukio Tsuchida, Holland

I am an expat missing home and I read BBC News everyday. I always look for news from you. I'm with you all the way on this one Ivan, you can beat it. Stay strong, positive and healthy. You're doing all the right things. And it sounds like you have a fantastic circle of friends and family supporting you, not to mention hundreds of people like me who you've never met and probably never will! We're all rooting for you. Stay strong; you sound like a courageous fighter to me and I know you can beat this.
Liz Tilbrook, USA

" Stay focused, stay positive and don't forget those marvellous medical people who have helped you "
Simon Marshall, England

I have read your column for a few weeks now, always resisting getting in touch. But each time I feel more compelled to write. We are currently going through similar experiences to you - our son was diagnosed with a brain tumour on his optic nerve at six months. We are now into the 40th week of a 57-week chemotherapy protocol. This was to be followed by radiotherapy when he was old enough - about five years old. But we have had the good news that I hope you one day hear - the tumour has shrunk. We had 9 months of scans with no change (which in itself is good) then last month the scan revealed a 15% reduction in the tumour size. Don't be afraid to lean heavily on those around you. Give those who say "Anything I can do to help" something to do that you can't or would rather not do. It doesn't make you weak. In the end it may make you stronger. We, like you, have given the tumour an identity. We have named it and started a bounty hunt. We will get the thing. We will kill it! Every time James has his chemo injections I imagine it being choked, killed by the chemicals, its body writhing in agony at the torture its is going through. Stay focused, stay positive and don't forget those marvellous medical people who have helped you. Be strong!
Simon Marshall, England

" When you are receiving doses of radiation - can you feel it? "
Stuart Mundy, UK

I was curious - when you are receiving doses of radiation - can you feel it? Anyway, I know you are going to pull through this and my best wishes are with you. And look on the bright side, at least you don't have to pay for a haircut!
Stuart Mundy, UK

I admire you, and the strength in which you are taking in the enormity of this phase of your life. A cousin of mine has gone through something similar recently - and he too has taken it with the thinking that this will not beat him. The last eight months have taken their toll, but he's had positive news from the medics, and a new energy for life which he's passing on to other people he knows. Will be reading your progress avidly - thank you for sharing this with us.
Sandie, England

Congrats on your determination to fully recover. Have you tried adding the spiritual element (prayers) to your recovery programme? You've nothing to lose! You obviously have faith and belief in complementary and scientific medicine. I urge you not to rule out the power of prayer as a healing agent.
Peter Knight, The Netherlands

" Glad you've rejected the apricot kernels "
Lee, UK

Glad to hear you've rejected the apricot kernels. My father took them for lung cancer and nearly died of hepatitis! Long after he stopped taking it he tried conventional treatment (including surgery). He's still around to tell the tale after 20 years! Following on from Peter Knight's comment about prayer, there was an interesting clinical trial a while back. Patients treated for heart disease had better outcomes if they has prayers said for them. It worked regardless of whether the patients had any Christian beliefs, and none of them knew it was happening. I'm not much of a believer, but it's non-toxic and worth a shot! Good luck, whatever you do...
Lee, UK