Comedy drive for city commuters

Raymond and Des will entertain passengers like Helga Thomson

Stand-up comedy will take place on the buses between Glasgow and Edinburgh to promote an international fun festival.

Commuters travelling between the two cities will from Thursday be treated to a 20 minute stand-up routine from two of Scotland's top comedians.

Des McLean and Raymond Mearns will perform in advance of the Miller Glasgow International Comedy Festival, which starts on Thursday 9 March.

Des said: "The passengers can't get off - it's a captive audience."

A man is taking his dog to be put down. A friend asks: 'Is it mad?' 'Well he's not too pleased,' the man replies. Des McLean

The comedians will perform on the Glasgow to Edinburgh 900 service between 0930 GMT and 1145 GMT on Thursday 23 February and Thursday 2 March.

Linda Allan, festival coordinator, said: "We are always looking for new ways to involve the people of Glasgow in the comedy festival.

"This seemed an ideal way to do it.

"This new initiative will bring comedy to Citylink's passengers and brighten up the start of their day."

Two lions walk down Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday afternoon. One says to the other: 'I thought you said this place was busy.' Raymond Mearns

The comedians will be given 20 minutes to entertain commuters between Glasgow and Ballieston before getting off for a return journey.

Nicola Campbell, of Scottish Citylink, said: "We think users will appreciate this unique opportunity to enjoy performances by two of Glasgow's top comedians.

"No matter what their destination, they will be driven to tears of laughter."

What makes you laugh on the morning commute? You sent us some jokes.

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David Hasselhoff wanders into a Glasgow pub and the barman says: "What can I get you, Mr. Hasselhoff?"

"A cold beer would be great," he replies, "but please, just call me Hoff."

"Okay Hoff," says the barman, "nae Hassel."
Matt Rose, Glasgow

The price of a return ticket on the Glasgow - Edinburgh "shuttle" and the consistently poor service on that line bring tears to my eyes on a daily basis.
Sadie Kay, Glasgow

How do you confuse stupid people? Bananas!!
Jim Henshaw, Motherwell

I used to work with Raymond Mearns at BP Kinneil in Grangemouth and we always had a laugh when he was about. I'm sure the passengers will have a ball on their journeys between Edinburgh and Glasgow. Better make sure there are toilets on the bus though because I'm sure the passengers will wet themselves laughing.
Angus Macaulay, Clydebank

"Can I have one train ticket to Paris please?"

"Eurostar?"

"Well, I've been on TV a few times but I'm no Noel Edmonds..."
Stuart Byfield, Inverness