Commons Confidential: Best of 2007

POLITICAL DIARY By Nick Assinder Political correspondent, BBC News website

Despatches from the House of Commons

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1630 GMT, TUESDAY 11 DECEMBER

It is tempting to think that it is the advent of digital cameras and Photoshop that has given politicians the opportunity (never taken advantage of, of course) to fiddle about with their election literature, picturing themselves in the company of people they have never met, for example. But not so.

Mr Kennedy could have saved candidate a few quid

Former Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy told journalists at a press gallery lunch of an occasion during an election campaign which demonstrated great creativity on the part of a particular, un-named candidate.

Mr Kennedy paid a surprise visit to one constituency only to be greeted by the candidate who complained that, had he been given more notice of the visit, it would have saved him a few quid.

Why so? Because he had recently taken his children to London where they visited the famous Madame Tussauds waxworks and found the model of Mr Kennedy so convincing they had their picture taken with it, at some cost.

"I've been using it in my election pamphlets ever since," confessed the candidate.

1030 GMT, WEDNESDAY 5 DECEMBER

The association of former MPs has been delighted to welcome a new member in the shape of former prime minister Tony Blair.

Mr Blair has joined ranks of former MPs

According to the group's newsletter, Mr Blair has already completed a standing order for his £25 subscription - and no, he didn't use a proxy.

The association has now signed up three former PMs - the late Jim Callaghan, John Major and Mr Blair - but one name is glaringly absent.

"So do we have any members in the Lords who know Mrs Thatcher well enough to ask her to join....." pleads the newsletter.

Good luck.

1000 GMT, WEDNESDAY 14 NOVEMBER

Foreign secretary David Miliband clearly has a bit of a recognition problem - at least amongst primary school children.

He told political journalists of a visit he made to a local school when the headmistress introduced him to the children with the fatal phrase: "Our guest needs no introduction".

She then asked the youngsters to put up their hands if they knew who the tall dark man standing in their midst was. Blank looks all around.

"Come along children," chivvied the teacher, "we practised this yesterday".

Despite the ego-popping reminder, still no hand shot up. "Oh do come on, he is a very important person for the school."

Suddenly, and to everyone's relief, that jogged one little lad's memory.

"Ooh miss, miss - is it the man who has come to fix the electricity?"

Not THAT important.

1300 GMT, TUESDAY 16 OCTOBER

The prime minister was quick to offer his support for his friend Sir Menzies Campbell after his resignation as Liberal Democrat leader, declaring: "I'm sure he will continue to make a major contribution to public life."

Might Ming be the next Commons Speaker?

But what might that role be? How about Speaker of the Commons?

Sir Menzies was widely tipped as a possible successor to Betty Boothroyd when she stood down and was eventually replaced after an unprecedented election - some said shambles - by Michael Martin in 2000.

Ming was defeated on that occasion - along with 10 others - but, with some mutterings that Speaker Martin must be nearing the end of his tenure (it is entirely up to him when he goes but he has now served virtually as long as his recent predecessors) his name has started circulating again.

He certainly has the weight, experience and - dare I say it, age - for the job and would without doubt command the respect of all parties and MPs, essential qualities in the post.

No one, of course, has yet asked Sir Menzies or, perhaps more importantly, Speaker Martin, what they think of the idea.

1245 GMT, MONDAY 15 OCTOBER

Throughout Parliament's long summer recess, a large black motor car was regularly parked in one of the back alleys of the Palace of Westminster.

Nothing unusual there, except for the number plate which ominously declared: "OMEN."

Now who would drive a personalised limo like that. And did he, or she, have a message for Gordon Brown whose promising summer took a very nasty turn for the worse during the recess?

1530 GMT, THURSDAY 19 JULY

Shadow home secretary David Davis wins the prize for the shortest, sharpest answer yet given by a guest at the monthly lunch for political journalists.

Mr Davis was asked, first what advice he thinks Alastair Campbell would have given him had he been running his campaign to be leader of the Tory party and, second, what he believed David Cameron's biggest mistake had been so far.

After no more than a nanosecond's pause, Mr Davis replied: "He would have advised me not to answer the second question."

It was the only time I have witnessed a guest getting a round of applause half way through his appearance.

1000 GMT, WEDNESDAY 11 JULY

I know Gordon Brown is determined not to let anybody know what he has planned in his legislative programme before he has told MPs, but surely he has told himself.

However, when pressed for details of his package on the Today programme, the prime minister declared: "I don't want to presume what I am going to say."

Surely that is taking secrecy to ridiculous lengths. Mind you, it's a good trick if you can do it.

It could come in very handy for politicians who would rather not know when they are doing things that perhaps they really shouldn't - they just don't tell themselves.

1030 GMT, THURSDAY 14 JUNE

One of Tony Blair's innovations on the Downing Street website was to allow people to post petitions urging the government to do/not do something.

A petition calls for rise for over 65s

It all got a bit embarrassing when one such petition opposing road pricing won 1.7 million signatures which had to be ignored. Although, to be fair, the prime minister's official spokesman said the petitions did "sensitise the government" to people's views.

Now there has been a new petition posted that I am prepared to bet a small fortune on also being ignored.

It urges the government to double the council tax for the over 65s.

According to the petition: "Over 65's own huge houses worth 100 times more than they paid for them. They also tend to stay home all day consuming a disproportionate amount of resources.

"Double the council tax for this group and pass the savings on to people who are trying to get on the housing ladder."

Over to you prime minister.

1000 GMT, THURSDAY 7 JUNE

There was a running joke in the great 1970s TV show, the Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin.

Perrin was routinely summoned to meetings with his boss

Perrin's boss (CJ) would phone the character, played brilliantly by Leonard Rossiter, to set up a meeting between them.

"Hello CJ, I can do two o'clock on Wednesday afternoon?"

"Right, nine o'clock Monday morning. Bye."

Am I the only one to have recalled this scene when hearing that President Vladimir Putin had "re-scheduled" his meeting with Tony Blair after hearing he was to be the recipient of some "frank" talking from the prime minister?

"Hello VP, I can do two o'clock Thursday afternoon?"

"Right, three o'clock Friday afternoon. Bye."

President Putin didn't get where he is today..........etc.

1600 GMT, THURSDAY 24 MAY

The last time ministers "consulted" over plans to build a new generation of nuclear power stations, the courts ruled the process had been less than helpful.

It was found the information given to consultees had been "wholly insufficient for them to make an intelligent response".

So, ministers have been forced to do it all over again. And this is how the Department of Trade's website gets things underway.

After a lengthy explanation of why tackling climate change and ensuring the security of supply are critical challenges for the UK, respondents are asked to answer the following question.

"To what extent do you believe that tackling climate change and ensuring the security of energy supplies are critical challenges for the UK that require significant action in the near term and a sustained strategy between now and 2050? "

I wonder what the right answer might be?

0930 GMT, TUESDAY 8 MAY

There's much talk about what Tony Blair will do when he leaves office - mostly centring around how many millions he will make.

Tony Blair says he will picket G8 with a placard

But now, according to the man himself, he may take his Africa campaign to the streets.

In a podcast on the Downing Street website, the prime minister is challenged by Bob Geldof not to forget Africa after his ambitious plans at the Gleneagles G8 summit failed to meet their target.

In his post-Downing Street life: "Will you be engaged in trying to, you know, shake that world?" asks Saint Bob.

"Yes, I want to stay engaged, certainly on Africa but on other things as well" says the prime minister.

"And, you know, at the G8 this year I will spend whatever capital is left trying to get the right result and then be outside the next one with my placard".

That is one promise we will expect to see kept.

1100 GMT, WEDNESDAY 18 APRIL

Party leaders may be falling over themselves to get their faces on YouTube and MySpace, but veteran Labour grump, Austin Mitchell remains unimpressed.

Mr Mitchell believes most bloggers are Conservatives

After delivering a stinging slap to political bloggers - claiming they are mostly Tories using their blogs for "gossip, character assassination, sensation and expose" - he complains there is even worse available on the internet (has he been reading Commons Confidential?)

Blogging is "an intellectual feast compared to You Tube, My Space and the rest," he declares

"They are the ten second sound bites, playgrounds for manipulation, synthetic situations, thespians and gimmicks. Leave them to Cameron and Blair and don't rot your brain", he says. On his blog.

1200 GMT, WEDNESDAY 28 MARCH

With the government locked in a battle with MPs and peers to save its gambling bill it's nice to know ministers have retained their sense of humour over the affair.

One frontbencher has been telling the joke that is apparently doing the rounds of Whitehall about plans for the super-casino in Manchester.

It is being said that roulette, poker and blackjack will all be played in the new casino while the crap games will continue to be played in the stadium next door.

The minister's identity will be protected for his own safety.

1230 GMT, MONDAY 26 MARCH

"Black ties; cigar smoke; whiskey in cut glass. Westminster runs the country, but the Whips run Westminster" - so goes the puff for the West End play "Whipping It Up" starring former Blair supporter Richard Wilson.

Did the Labour whips pick up a few tips from Richard Wilson?

One Labour MP was so intrigued he decided to take his family to the show and, perhaps, pick up a few tips.

As he settled into his seat he heard familiar voices from behind him and, turning to see who it was, spied a row of eight members of the real Labour whips office.

"It looked like the works do. They must have hired a mini-bus to get them there," he said.

So, if rebellious backbenchers find themselves being subjected to any new and unusual tortures in coming months they know who to blame.

0930 GMT, FRIDAY 9 MARCH

Tony Blair is asking voters to petition him through the Downing Street website, now Gordon Brown - or whoever else becomes PM after Mr Blair - is being offered similar advice.

Progress magazine has asked people to use its website to suggest policies or initiatives they would like to see the next prime minister introduce in his first 100days.

There are many suggestions but I suspect the following may fall under the category of satire.

Laban Tall from Dorchester has called on the next premier to: "proactively reach out to broad sections of the community on a multi-agency basis, while empowering a cross-section of service providers with a raft of sustainable initiatives".

That's easy for him to say.

1215 GMT, THURSDAY 8 FEBRUARY

Leicester's Labour MP Keith Vaz may have enjoyed his moments basking in the radiance of his Bollywood guest, Shilpa Shetty yesterday.

But, as is so often the case, there may be unforeseen and unpleasant consequences.

Mr Vaz found himself on the wrong end of the Commons' authorities ire when he attempted to take Ms Shetty and a huge entourage of media onto the terrace and then, later, a committee room for a press conference.

Shetty was hosted on terrace by MP Vaz

At one point Mr Vaz was told off by deputy serjeant at arms, Muir Morton, who accused the MP of "abusing his position" and said Parliament was not to be used for publicity purposes.

I now hear, however, that the authorities may not allow the matter to stay there. Further action is being contemplated.

Can I suggest a spell in the Big Brother house.

0930 GMT, MONDAY 5 FEBRUARY

The high cost of using mobile phones abroad is a source of much irritation to travellers, including Baroness Trumpington.

During a Lords debate on the issue she asked minister Lord Truscott the following question.

"My GP recently gave me her private telephone number and I rang it to ask for some sleeping pills. Her reply was, "I am in Cairo". Who will pay for that call?"

The response as brief and to the point: "I am sorry to tell the noble Baroness that you both will".

Hold on a minute though. Are GPs in the habit of handing out their private phone numbers?

Now that's one improvement in the NHS we would all take advantage of.

0900 GMT, TUESDAY 30 JANUARY

As previously reported, jolly coppers at the Commons recently enjoyed telling tourists that work being done on the Big Ben clock face was to turn it digital.

Well, believe it or not, the idea of replacing the famous clock with a more modern, electronic version was once seriously considered.

In an interview for the Parliament web site, Terry Eiss - the guide to the great Westminster clock and verger to the chapel of St Mary Undercroft in the palace of Westminster, to give him his full title - reveals such a scheme was on the cards 30 years ago.

"In 1976 when there was a major failure of the clock, there was talk of completely replacing it with some electronic piece of wizardry but they went ahead and rebuilt. I'm sure as long as it's possible to keep this clock going it will be kept going," he said.

That may mean continuing to place old, pre-decimalisation pennies on the mechanism to regulate it from time to time - apparently it is the height of the old coins not the weight that makes them just right to adjust the clock by two fifths of a second a day.

But just imagine what we might have ended up with if the clock had been replaced by a 1970s-style digital face.

That famous final scene from the 1978 film version of The 39 Steps, in which Richard Hannay (played by Robert Powell) dangled off the minute hand as he tried to avert world war, just wouldn't have worked.

1630 GMT, THURSDAY 18 JANUARY

Environment Secretary David Miliband is the latest government heavyweight to jump into the Big Brother row.

He has used his blog to declare "Shilpa in, Jade out" - a sentiment which seems to be gaining ground in Westminster, as elsewhere.

So, the minister is a fan of the programme then? Well, no, apparently not.

"OK, so I don't watch Big Brother, but we are all entitled to an opinion," he declares.

Now that's the way to approach policy.