When should you keep shtum?

There are careless whispers even among politicians

The political row over George Osborne's conversations with a Russian billionaire in Corfu has highlighted a significant side issue - is it OK to reveal what you hear at private parties?

For those with little interest in Westminster the allegations are thus.

Shadow chancellor George Osborne has been accused of discussing a donation with a Russian billionaire in Corfu. The accusation comes from his old friend and host Nathaniel Rothschild.

A private discussion is a private discussion, whether in a social or business situation Jo Bryant, etiquette adviser

Mr Rothschild's allegation comes in response to Mr Osborne allegedly revealing negative comments made by Peter Mandelson about Gordon Brown at a party at a Greek taverna.

Mr Rothschild was perturbed enough to write to the Times, concluding: "Perhaps in future it would be better if all involved accepted the age-old adage that private parties are just that."

But is this right? Are politicians socially obliged not to reveal the juicy things they hear at parties and other social occasions? Moreover, should ordinary people refrain from using what they see at parties to their advantage?

For politicians the situation is clear enough, says political journalist Anthony Howard. If a senior MP saw two others having a heated argument at a party, he would not be expected to bring it up at the next prime minister's questions.

"That would have been a breach of the rules," says Howard. "It would be assumed that this was a private discussion and you didn't report anything you saw."

Even politicians like to let their hair down once in a while

These rules even apply to political journalists.

"The rules are very much the same when you become a lobby correspondent. You must never report anything you see in the House of Commons, in the lobby corridors. The same goes for ministers and shadow ministers."

One might assume the unwritten rule is to make sure politicians don't have to be on their guard 100% of the time, particularly in eras when they regularly socialise with each other.

What happens on tour...

The gurus of etiquette, Debrett's, are unequivocal about the rules for the rest of us.

"A private discussion is a private discussion, whether in a social or business situation," says Jo Bryant, etiquette adviser.

"Although this is generally accepted, it is wise to exercise caution when discussing sensitive matters - not everyone can be relied upon to be as discreet as others."

There are even some "exclusive" clubs in London where joining members sign a declaration that they will not betray confidential information picked up on nights out, says Liz Brewer, etiquette expert on the upcoming US version of Ladette to Lady.

"If you are lucky enough to be invited to a private party on that level, when obviously people there are very high profile with big images, you have to honour that.

CHATHAM HOUSE RULE Participants are free to use the information received, but neither the identity nor the affiliation of the speaker(s), nor that of any other participant, may be revealed

"You are not allowed to repeat gossip or information that would end up in the papers." Of course, Mr Rothschild has himself apparently broken the code, by revealing Mr Osborne's alleged conversations, albeit in retaliation.

Although it is understandable why an aggrieved host or guest might retaliate, it is best to turn one's cheek and keep one's counsel, says Ms Brewer.

And the alternative to politicians, businessmen, journalists and even ordinary people obeying the unwritten party rules is having the host start by reading out the Chatham House Rule.

Conceived in 1927, it says: "When a meeting, or part thereof, is held under the Chatham House Rule, participants are free to use the information received, but neither the identity nor the affiliation of the speaker(s), nor that of any other participant, may be revealed."

Otherwise your Aunty Nora is going to know that is was you who was blabbing at a party that she's due to have her bunions done.

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Below is a selection of your comments.

I am a huge gossip, there is nothing I love more than having a chat about what I overheard at work, at home... However, I do know when to draw the line. If my common sense tells me something is private, or that the person would prefer it not to be known I won't repeat it. I would say that all people need to follow is their common sense but there seems to be a remarkable lack of it around. People should recognise what is private and what isn't when repeating things.
Rachel, Bristol, UK

I'm a mortgage broker & along with solicitors, accountants etc, if we hear at say, a dinner party, that so & so has stashed £20K in his Swiss bank account, we are obliged, under Money Laundering rules, to notify the authorities - or we could go to prison. So, in the modern era, are private parties/discussions private?
Martin, Stockport, Cheshire

Spiteful or damaging gossip is generally vulgar & tacky and should be avoided. Unless you aren't interested in being invited again of course. Or if you have the kind of wealth the makes people flock around you. But then, who wants to be valued purely for their wealth?
Kathy, UK

I'm reminded of the old adage about glass houses and stones.
Ian Seddon, Stevenage, UK

It's generally accepted that politicians have parties, but I thought it was also generally accepted that it is bad form to discuss money, religion or politics at a party (even if you are a politician). It seems as though two of these three were discussed... and there will always be the gossip/trouble stirrer who will use any information for his own advantage.
Heather, Willenhall

My views on this are just between myself, the Magazine, and anyone else with an internet connection. I hope that is totally clear.
Nigel Macarthur, London, England