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Page last updated at 11:03 GMT, Tuesday, 29 April 2008 12:03 UK

'I am not doing anything wrong'

A bill outlawing the possession of "extreme pornography" is about to be passed. But thousands of law-abiding citizens say they will be criminalised by the law. One of them is Helen, from the Midlands, who explains why she enjoys watching such porn.

I first noticed my sexuality when I was 14 or 15 and I used to get turned on watching horror films.

But even before that, as a child of four or five, I used to like hiding in cupboards in the dark or making cages out of these rattan chairs we had.

I first snogged someone at 14 and lost my virginity just before my 16th birthday.

Whips
Generally I am quite dominant in everyday life but it's very different in the bedroom
Helen

After that I had fairly normal relationships - what we call vanilla sex - but I was internally fighting with myself.

It was only when I went to university and met my boyfriend, John, that I really become sexually submissive.

He said he was into dominance on the second date and I freaked out a bit but after a while he would move my arms behind my back while we were kissing and it went from there.

I am into DS (dominance/submission) rather than BDSM (bondage, discipline and sado-masochism).

I do enjoy occasional bondage and spanking but not in a disciplined way. Generally I am quite dominant in everyday life but it's very different in the bedroom.

The stereotype is of a businessman going to see a dominatrix but it is a stereotype which often holds true.

Internet messageboards

I broke up with my boyfriend last year and since I have been single I have been amazed how many men are into DS. I have mentioned it on dating websites and had loads of replies.

In our community there are a lot of internet messageboards where you can meet like-minded people in a fairly safe environment.

We often meet up in pubs for what are known as "munches" - we just chat about regular stuff, not kinky stuff.

A lot of people would like to march and demonstrate against this law but if you stick your head above the parapet you are going to get yourself in the firing line. But everyone is worried about how this will affect them.

There was an online petition against it which was signed by 1,800 people.

There is not enough room in the prisons for them to lock people up over this but people will get cautions and be put on the Sex Offenders' Register, which is not right.

We feel similar to how gay people must have felt in the past. Your sexuality should not come into it. It's none of the government's business.

If it all gets pushed further underground then psychos will be able to hide even better.

This sort of porn was not available 20 years ago but it's so widespread nowadays.

The supply of kinky DVDs has gone up a huge amount but there has not been a killing spree.

If it was a documentary you would not be turned on because you would know it was real and somebody had really suffered
Helen

If all this dangerous violent porn is causing people to go psycho where are they all? The only one I have heard of is Graham Coutts.

Do you ban alcohol if a few people become alcoholics?

The thing about this law is that somebody's morality is being imposed on someone else.

If you are watching something with actors you feel you are not doing anything wrong.

I have watched a couple of films and you can see in their eyes that the woman is doing it for the money and is not happy about it and it's macabre.

It's not about people doing stuff. It's about seeing them enjoying it.

'Real suffering is not a turn on'

There are many scenes in mainstream movies, like the rape scene in Sleeping With The Enemy and the scene in The Long Kiss Goodnight where the woman is tied to a waterwheel, which get me quite turned on.

But if it was a documentary you would not be turned on because you would know it was real and somebody had really suffered.

I know the difference between right and wrong and I know it's not right to be raped.

If it becomes illegal people will start to do it underground and it will be like Prohibition, with alcohol, and the videos will be done by less professional people who may be doing more dangerous things. There will still be the demand.

I have told my mum about my sexuality and I have also told a few vanilla friends but I would never tell anybody at my work.

I told my mum because of the (Jane) Longhurst case.

I thought something can go wrong and I would hate it if my mum, not knowing at all what I was into, were to drag a boyfriend through the courts when he would probably already feel guilty.

When it comes up among friends I get a giggly, knowing look.

But when I told my brother he wanted to beat up my boyfriend.

If I ever had children I think I would want to hide it from them. I don't want them to feel it's normal. But then again nobody ever wants to think about their parents having sex.

Names have been changed to protect Helen's identity.


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