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Last Updated: Thursday, 20 April 2006, 11:34 GMT 12:34 UK
10 songs that won't upset the Germans
Darius Vassell collapses in defeat
Perhaps time for a song?
England fans are being urged not to sing offensive songs at the World Cup, but instead to consider jovial chants in German and display a more peaceful demeanour.

The Magazine suggests a few songs that could be construed as more positive.

1. 10 GERMAN PEACEKEEPERS

Perhaps the supporters' song that most raises the ire of officials is 10 German Bombers, an adapted version of 10 Green Bottles that even Sven-Goran Eriksson has been upset by.
UNWELCOME DITTIES
10 German Bombers
Dambusters March
Stand up if you hate Germans

Instead we bring you an ode to Germany's outstanding record in peacekeeping in war-torn areas such as the Balkans and Afghanistan in recent years.

2. I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SING

It could be a time for a revival of this ode to peace and harmony by the New Seekers.

Who cannot be moved by a verse like this: "I'd like to build the world a home and furnish it with love, grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves."

Even if their ears recoil in horror.

3. DON'T GIVE UP

With a South African mother and an Indian father, pop singer Xavier Naidoo could be viewed as a symbol of modern Germany's multiculturalism.

No fight left or so it seems, I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
Xavier Naidoo
Don't Give Up
And his cover of Peter Gabriel's Don't Give Up could be particularly appropriate for when England are 1-0 down to Brazil, Rooney's off injured and the rest of the side look as if they'd rather be in Dubai on their hols.

4. THE BEST IS YET TO COME

No slice of German pop culture would be complete without a bit of the former Baywatch and Knight Rider star David Hasselhoff, or so non-Germans believe.

When your back's against the wall, keep your spirit standing tall, don't surrender, because the best is yet to come
David Hasselhoff
The Best Is Yet To Come
Hasselhoff might be known as an actor in these shores, but in Germany his foremost talent is as a singer. From Hasselhoff's extensive canon of hits, England fans might draw succour from The Best Is Yet To Come, as they try to come to terms with an early exit and look forward to South Africa in 2010.

Or in the event England triumph, Hasselhoff's Hot Shot City might capture the mood.

5. CARAVAN OF LOVE

If England fans want to indulge in a bit of close harmony without upsetting their hosts they could do a lot worse than Hull's finest, The Housemartins.

As the song can easily be done a cappella, it will be ideal for fans unable to take instruments into the ground (for security reasons).

6. EBONY AND IVORY

We all know that people are the same where ever we go, there is good and bad in everyone, we learn to live, we learn to give
Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
Ebony and Ivory
Racism on the terraces is currently a burning issue across mainland Europe, with some national associations seemingly reluctant to take adequate action.

Perhaps they could gain a collective kick up the bottom from this ode to harmony by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder.

7. PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING

Liverpool fan Elvis Costello's plaintive cry of "I ask myself is all hope lost?" in his version of Nick Lowe's (What's So Funny About) Peace, Love and Understanding will be a familiar sentiment to supporters.

Particularly for those steeling themselves for the moment David Beckham readies himself for a penalty/conversion attempt in a shootout against Germany.

8. IMAGINE

If fans were going to sing a McCartney ode to peace and understanding it's only fair to throw in a John Lennon one for balance.

Although imagining "there's no countries" might make the World Cup a bit less of a thrilling spectacle.

9. LEAN ON ME

Should an England player get himself needlessly sent off or concede a last minute penalty and hasten England's exit, instead of burning effigies loyal fans could instead try to be supportive.

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on," sang Bill Withers

Ahhh. Gareth Southgate, David Beckham, Phil Neville, and, frankly, a host of others, would be glad to hear that from the terraces.

10. DON'T LET'S BE BEASTLY TO THE GERMANS

Great title by Noel Coward, although most of the lyrics would need an overhaul to reflect the cordial relations of the last 60 years.

A major overhaul.

Although one verse could remain if England knock the Germans out.

"We must be sweet, and tactful and discreet, and when they've suffered defeat, we mustn't let them feel upset."


Here are a selection of your comments.

This is pathetic...really! Come on, do the world a favour, World Cup or not, making this much fuss about the songs chanted during the match is just PC gone mental. As long as it's not racist or otherwise offensive, they should just leave the matter alone!

How about we ban football chants all together, because that's where we're headed? That way no-one gets offended.
MKW, Birmingham, UK

What about Monty Python's Lumberjack song? There's even German Lyrics.
Caroline Brown, Rochester, UK

As a protest against fan segregation how about Stand By Me. Then when fan segragation fails spectacularly and the police pile in we could have rousing chorus of Everyone Was Kung Fu Fighting.
Nigel Greensitt, Salford

Whilst I consider typically racial and culturally degenerative chanting unacceptable, there has always got to be a bit of banter back and forth in sport. Also, why is it always the English that are continually told to keep their thoughts to themselves, aren't all countries guilty of this is some way?
Playdough

Or how about the Germans sing to the Brits - Edelweiss, Edelweiss Every morning you greet me Small and wide, clean and bright You look happy to beat me!!
Juliana, Surrey

What about "Everybody wants to Rule the World."
Brenda Harvey, London

When England wins stick with the Beatles. They are loved everywhere and they played Germany a lot before that little trip to the US. Perhaps Let It Be. But Hey Jude would work as well. "Hey Jude, dont' take it bad, take a sad song and make it better..."
Wendy Hinman, Carlsbad, California, USA

Liza Minnelli belting out Wilkommen from Cabaret.
Steve, West Palm Beach, Florida, USA

How about singing the delightful ditty from Mel Brooks' recently revived musical The Producers - Haben Sie Gehort Das Deutsche Band? (Have You Ever Heard The German Band?) It may prove particularly relevant if the Germans go a goal down.
Simon Robinson, Chatham, Kent

Can we please stop this idea of 'don't mention the war'. We know it happened so did the Germans, I've just returned from Berlin after meeting people from across Europe and nobody cares about the past too much. We don't rename London train stations in case it offends French tourists.
Clifford Mace, Blackburn Lancashire

Anyone who has seen Bill Bailey's 'Part Troll' performance will know how good ''The Okey-Cokey'' sounds when sung in German!!
Joe, Bristol

Reworking "Auf Wiedersehen Sven" when we do not win?
Tim, Scarborough

I'm sure "Doo roo do roo do roo roo,do do do, roo roo, doo doo doo" sounds fine in German.
Stephen, Glasgow

My suggestion would be to Reword Captain Beaky... "The greatest footballers in the land are Captain Beckham and his band.." Then again.... Maybe not.
Andrew Nicholson, Milton Keynes

Britney Spears - "Oops I did it again", for when Beckham misses a penalty, or more likely when the supporters "do" upset the Germans. Let's be honest, whatever the majority think there are always a small-minded few who will go out there planning trouble. Hopefully the police know them and will ban them from travelling.
Julian, Barry, S Wales

The Dambusters' March and the film are well known in Germany, but the average German isn't as sensitive to war jibes as the press leads the rest of the world to believe. I'm English and have been living here 15 years. I had great fun at work when England beat Germany, alas Germany's win at Wembley gave my collegues their revenge.
Julie S, Heidelberg, Germany

Perhaps 'So long, Farewell' from the Sound of Music if England wins?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What's wrong with the Dambusters' March? I can't imagine it's well known in Germany - don't think the film will have had a regular screening somehow!
David B, Sutton, Surrey




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