Living with Ukrainian TV

Former PM Yulia Timoshenko catches a rare non-advert moment

With the demise of Pete Clifton's "Editor's Column", we are launching a column written by you, the readers and users of this site. If there's a subject you are passionate about - whether you love it or hate it - let us know using the form below. Today, Magazine reader Joanna McMenamin explains why she has special reason to hate commercial breaks.

Where I live, the advert breaks in programmes are so long I once walked away from the TV, had a shower, washed my hair, made a cup of tea and still made it back to the couch before the show started again. Welcome to commercial breaks, Ukraine-style.

I met my boyfriend Vlad in Berlin, where we worked in the ballet. When the season finished he returned to Ukraine and we did the long distance thing for a year, until he convinced me to try working on an act with him. As it's quite difficult for east Europeans to travel freely, I moved to Kiev.

It's been exceedingly difficult for me not to judge Ukrainian culture by its advertising. If nothing else, I think it reflects the culture's stage of development in regard to gender equality. For example, I have yet to see a single advert where a man does any kind of domestic activity.

Disbelief

There's one commercial for a stove where a husband in a suit, complete with brief case, arrives home and says the classic line: "Honey, I'm home." His small son hurls himself at his father's legs and shouts: "Papa!". The trophy wife in a frilly pinny looks on fondly.

There are of course the mobile phone company wars and, as in other countries, an unnatural obsession with ring tones Joanna McMenamin

With a game-show flourish of her hand over the stove top, she proudly lists the 12 things she cooked for dinner that night. The husband shakes his head in disbelief and says: "Wow." The whole thing ends with the three of them gathered around the amazing appliance.

Beer commercials are more reminiscent of early 80s advertising. They consist mostly of men on fishing or camping trips, doing manly things that are rewarded with a cold beer.

I just love it at the end where they take a long swig, smack their chops in satisfaction and inevitably wipe their mouths on the back of their hands. Classic.

I've never seen so many adverts for toothpaste, shampoo, fridges and, of course, vodka. Surprisingly, car and computer ads are relatively few and far between. There are of course the mobile phone company wars and, as in other countries, an unnatural obsession with ring tones.

Vomit

Once again, we see a middle-aged wifey tidying in the kitchen, with her frilled apron and 50s-style hair. From another room her husband shouts imperiously: "Coffee!".

Ukrainian ads leave you wanting to switch off

Frowning slightly at the tone, she never the less begins preparations for making coffee. "Vodka!" yells her husband. Alarmed now, she scurries around the kitchen looking for vodka and a glass. I don't understand the Russian here, but the husband shouts another order, whereupon she frantically starts making something to eat.

"Angelina Jolie!" screams the voice from the other room. This time he's gone too far. She slams down the knife she was using and marches into the living room to investigate. On stepping into the room, the husband punches the air in triumph as he answers yet another question correctly from the game show on TV.

Wifey plops down next to him on the sofa heaving a big sigh of relief. She then laughs at herself for ever having doubted him. I could honestly vomit every time I see this ad. It's making me gag just writing about it.

Between the adverts, you will find interesting documentaries and films, Ukrainian TV is very international. As well as the latest from America, you can see soaps from Brazil, Spain, Greece and Russia, drama series from Germany and Denmark, classic comedies from France, and Soviet films that touched me even though I couldn't understand a single word of them.

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