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THE MAGAZINE MONITOR
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Welcome to The Magazine Monitor, the home for many ever-popular features, including your letters and :MON: Si's riddleTUES: Reading listWEDS: PunoramaTHURS: Caption compFRI: Friday ChallengeSAT: 10 things we didn't know this time last week
10 THINGS WE DIDN'T KNOW THIS TIME LAST WEEK
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10 THINGS
10 snowballs by Bryce Cooke
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Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience.
1. Nicole Kidman is scared of butterflies. "I jump out of planes, I could be covered in cockroaches, I do all sorts of things, but I just don't like the feel of butterflies' bodies," she says.
2. The Dutch are the second-biggest buyers of portable music players, with the Americans in top spot. The UK is third, and Japan fourth.
3. Adriana Iliescu, the 66-year-old woman who gave birth to a baby girl, is a retired professor.
4. One in three young people from London go to university, compared to one in four in the North East.
5. Vogue editor Anna Wintour "disappeared for a week" backstage with Bob Marley in the 1970s, according to her biography.
6. Syndrome of the week: winter drivers' disorder. It's depression and lethargy caused by the short dark days of winter and can make motorists irritable, short-tempered and have slower reaction times.
7. The average bed could be home to up to 1.5 million house dust mites.
8. WD-40 dissolves cocaine - it has been used by a pub landlord to prevent drug-taking in his pub's toilets.
9. At least 129 journalists were killed in 2004, more than a third of them in Iraq.
10. It's technically illegal in England and Wales to be drunk in a pub - and the law defines being drunk as having "lost steady self-control".
Thanks this week to Mark Crosby. If you spot anything that should be included next week, use the form below to tell us about it.
Add your comments to this story using the form below:
The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide.
FRIDAY CHALLENGE FRIDAY 21 JANUARY 1330
Your mission should you choose to accept it...
Poor Aurora.
The ill-fated ship didn't get off to a good start, when the champagne bottle used by the Princess Royal to launch it didn't break. Did that give it bad luck?
Who knows. But what's needed - obviously - is a new way to launch a ship which, while preserving the dignity and drama of the occasion, has a lower risk of failure.
The best suggestions will be launched on to the open sea here throughout the rest of the afternoon.
Your suggestions so far:
Instead of Champagne, they should use French beer - it's so much weaker.
Mark Esdale , Bridge, Canterbury, Kent
All that's needed is a pot of red paint - Slap a Hindu Good Luck Swastika on the side.
Jonathan, Reading, UK
My 2 year old daughter since she has the ability to break everything she touches
malcolm, Warsaw Poland
Perhaps they should take inspiration from the Monitor and just have a box for Comments and a button marked Send?
Neil, Aberystwyth
I think the old champagne bottles should remain. But I definitely think the dignitary nominated to do the breaking should get at least two weeks training on how to break the bottle correctly. The lads off our local council estate should be able to help. They never fail to break a bottle of any sort or description.
Glenn J, UK
YOUR LETTERS FRIDAY 21 JANUARY 1330
I notice from 7 days 7 questions the answer: "P&O Cruises has offered passengers a full refund and 25% of a future cruise."
But 25% of another cruise would hardly get past the Isle of White again
Graham
London, England
A minor politician who became a host of a trashy chat show and ends up mired in controversy due to his own hubris: surely it's time for "Kilroy - The Opera"?
Neil Golightly
Manchester, UK
Why do newsreaders always say "ahead of" when they mean "before"? asks Richard Kendall of Derby (Monitor letters, Thursday). I don't have the answer, but I suspect it also explains why weather forecasters always say "during the course of" when they mean "on".
Lucy Jones,
Manchester
I've noticed recently a big increase in politicians (and journalists) using the word 'tough' when referring to making decisions. A recent example is Bush faces tough economic choices. What they really mean though is 'wrong' or 'nobody wants this'.
Nigel Goodman
Hornchurch/UK
The "Air Quote" signs have become a popular part of speech. The two hooked fingers on each hand jiggled up and down is now widely understood. Today I even saw a young gent making the signs as he spoke on his mobile phone. Can we also have hand signs for question marks, exclamation marks, fullstops, brackets etc. I'm sure it would make conversation much more interesting and would save us from those 'Eats roots and leaves' problems.
Mal Walker,
Adelaide, Australia
Re: E-cyclopedia, TQM usually stands for Total Quality Management. And management gobbledigook is depressing enough at any time of year.
Steve,
Newcastle
CAPTION COMPETITION THURSDAY 20 JAN 1330GMT
It's time again for the caption competition.
This week, Sarah Ferguson shares a moment with a sea lion at San Diego zoo. Send your captions using the form below.
The winners are:
6. Stuart Veitch, UK
"This is not what I meant when I asked for the Royal seal of approval!"
5. Rob Holman, Chislehurst, England
Fergie mistakenly inspired by Heidi Klum's marriage to Seal.
4. Stephen C, Winchester, UK
Sarah: "It's not so bad, I used to kiss frogs..."
3. Peter N, Ashford, UK
"What a life - always on public display, performing demeaning tasks and making a fool of yourself. At least I get fish."
2. Benjamin Patrick, London
Unforeseen perils of wearing a herringbone jacket, no 12
1. Vas Petrou, UK
"I washed half my hair with ordinary shampoo and the other half in Seal Head And Shoulders. The results speak for themselves!"
YOUR LETTERS THURSDAY 20 JANUARY 1040GMT
Re: Formula Won, (Monitor, Wednesday). Can anyone explain why the 24th is the most depressing day? By the 31st, T and Q will have both increased so that day must be more depressing. Or is there going to be some dramatic improvement in the weather I don't know about. And while on the subject of weather does a cold dry day score higher or lower than a warm wet one?
Boz,
Coventry
Why isn't Christmas eve the saddest day? The time since Christmas (T) is a maximum. Everyone's spent loads on presents so debt (D) is high. The weather (W) is pretty bad and my motivation to do anything constructive (M) is pretty much at an all time low. Also Mr Arnall seems to have forgotten a scientific-looking symbol which your "formula for the perfect formula" shows is very important. Plus, I don't want to be too geeky but TQM already means TxQxM so why are the other 'x' symbols included?
Andy M
Oxford
Take a close look at the new Judi Dench portrait. Has she got her feet on the wrong way round?
Stig,
London, UK
Amazing - who'd have thought it! Using a telephone box for a telephone call (Cell Phone shushing gets creative, Reading List, Tuesday.) What will they come up with next? Perhaps a means of opening the doors of the phone box without developing a hernia?
Cat,
London, UK
Re: E-cyclopedia, Monitor, Tuesday. You might be interested to know that a four letter acronym is not an FLA, but in fact an ETLA (extended three letter acronym). That way "ETLA" is an ETLA, in the way that "TLA" is a TLA. The things you learn at university these days.
Steve,
Bath, UK
Why do newsreaders always say "ahead of" when they mean "before"?
Richard Kendall
Derby, England
FORMULA WON? WEDNESDAY 19 JANUARY 1400GMT
A new feature to the Monitor, keeping track on unlikely formulas.
24 January is going to be the most depressing day, according to Cardiff University scientist Cliff Arnall. This he has calculated by devising the formula: [W+(D-d)]xTQMxNA, where W stands for weather; D for debt; T for time since Christmas; Q for quitting a habit; M for motivational levels; and NA as action on something to look forward to.
It's the latest in a long line of formulas which, somehow explain some phenomenon of modern life. As keen Magazine readers might recall, this article last summer - Formula for the perfect formula - recorded that all these aspects of our lifestyles had been formularised: watering the garden, ironing a shirt, dunking biscuits, building sandcastles, tossing pancakes and parallel parking.
As we suggested then:
One might almost conclude that H=0(f+µ) +S (where H = the number and prominence of headlines, O = the ordinariness of human behaviour you're explaining, f = having a formula worked out, µ = presence of a suitably scientific-looking symbol and S = having a sponsor with an enterprising public relations office)... the formula for the perfect formula.
So the Monitor today institutes Formula Won?, an ongoing search for those formulas which explain how life works. And we pledge here always to include mention of who actually paid for the research.
The Depressing January formula was commissioned by the Sky TV Travel channel.
PUNORAMA WEDNESDAY 19 JANUARY 1215GMT
It's time for Punorama, our pun-writing competition.
The rules are straightforward - we choose a story which has been in the news, and invite you to create an original punning headline for it.
This week, the story is from Ukraine, where 64-year-old Fyodor Nesterchuk has left his doctors perplexed because he hasn't been to sleep for 20 years.
Here is the judge's verdict.
Stephen C from Winchester feels a bit restless with Fy's wide open, and No-bed prize winner.
Andy Elms, Brizzle, fed up with tossing and turning, gets up to make a cup of cocoa with Nestun Dorma, while the appropriately-named Sarah Wakely, London, watches News 24 throughout the night with Whacked in the USSR (she's been sleeping through the last 10 years).
But the winner of a pair of matchsticks is, once again, Maggie, South London, with Ukraine even get Fyordy winks.
(Entries now closed.)
YOUR LETTERS WEDNESDAY 19 JANUARY 1210GMT
Thank you to Mr. Peter Luff (MP slates BBC children's TV duo, 18 January), who finds Dick and Dom so unamusing. He has reaffirmed my belief that MPs are out of touch, humourless and sometimes completely irrelevent. As for Dick and Dom - they amuse me and lots of kids I know, including the 23-year-old ones.
Rob Simpson
Cardiff, UK
Re: A&E treats 1m drinkers a year, 18 January. Very kind, a pint of bitter please.
Paul C.
Hull, UK
Re: Cable firms offer video-on-demand, 18 January. Well done, I'm sure it's great. But surely they'd get a better competitive advantage by trying to match Sky's area of coverage? I can't even get cable in London NW6
Neil Webber
UK
You report: "In 2002-03, Prison Service employees took 668,337 sick days - equivalent to a year's work for 3,000 full-time staff - and 13.3 days in 2003/4." (Call to cut prison staff sick pay, 18 January). Sounds like they felt a lot better.
Barry Fisher
London
YOUR LETTERS TUESDAY 18 JANUARY 1555GMT
In response to the Mac Mini article (Monday, 17 January). When comparing PCs with Macs bear in mind that a Mac is a different operating system built to run on a different set of chips. Therefore, speeds and memory size, etc are not exactly comparable.
Francisco, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Re When Britan began talking about sex (Monday, 17 January) - I haven't read the article, but I'm intrigued as to who that is dancing with Neil Kinnock. It doesn't look like Glenys.
Dave Godfrey
Swindon, UK
Re: Rice to face US Senate grilling (Tuesday, 18 January). Any more headlines like that, and my stomach will start rumbling!
Michael Hall
Eccles, UK
Re: Origins of the swastika (Tuesday, 18 January). The swastika was also a symbol used on Carlsberg beer and can still be seen at the factory in Copenhagen adorning two large (elephant shaped) stone pillars at the entrance to the factory. (See pictures here
- The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.)
Paul, Oxford, UK
READING LIST TUESDAY 18 JANUARY 1520GMT
Traditional-style red phone boxes are being put to 21st Century use in the US, with a restaurant in New York employing one of the old style call boxes as a "cell phone booth". The idea is simple - notes Wired News, Cell-Phone shushing gets creative. Instead of annoying fellow diners by shouting above the hubbub into one's mobile, customers are invited to take their calls in the phone box, thereby cutting extraneous noise and allowing others to concentrate on their crab in yuzu-watermelon gelee. It's just one of several novel new ideas.
The disturbing lethal tendency for aeroplane hijacking, which reached its zenith in the early 1970s, owes its origins to a combination of radical politics and the emergence of pricey jet planes, according to this New York Times article (registration required). Cuba, in particular, proved a popular destination of hijackers - so much so that US airliners began carrying approach plans for the Havana airport.
If nothing else, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have awoken us to the fact that life doesn't always echo the sentiments of Australian daytime soap opera theme tunes. It's no secret that while the prime minister and chancellor are (good?) neighbours, they're anything but good friends these days. Only, politics being politics - neither side is saying as much. So political weblog Honourable Fiend has stepped in with a spot of between-the-line reading.
Send your suggestions for the Reading List using the form on the right hand side of this page. Forget not, though, that the BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites.
E-CYCLOPEDIA TUESDAY 18 JANUARY 1249GMT
The Monitor is pleased to announce the return of E-cyclopedia, the guide to words behind the news.
E-cyclopedia was one of the earliest regular features on the BBC News website, dating back to the dark ages of the internet (October 1998), and was a cornerstone of the Magazine even before the Magazine existed.
After a career break which can only be described as Milburnian, it is now back as a regular part of the Monitor - and your suggestions are welcome.
The idea is simple: the E-cyclopedia simply records new words that come into the news ("I went dogging," said the footballer), old words being used in a new context ("Gadzooks", said Prince Philip when he saw the painting), ordinary words being used instead of what's really meant ("It's a complete Horlicks," said Mr Straw), and matters of linguistic interest (Why are there 21 spellings of Gaddafi?.)
So here are a few entries to kick start this almost venerable tradition back into life.
urban savages - what towns and cities will increasingly become overwhelmed by if plans for 24-hour opening result in 24-hour drinking. As coined by Judge Charles Harris QC
urbane savages - as above, but if the drinking is done at "trendy wine bars"
briefing against - slagging off
to error - a new verb identified by correspondent Martin H, France, who cites its use as in "an errored message".
TLA - a three-letter acronym for "three letter acronym", usually employed by people who are about to mention a three-letter acronym but who wish to distance themselves from it in a thoroughly post-modern manner
Send your suggestions using the form on the right hand side. If you can supply details of where you have heard the word, please include that information too.
YOUR LETTERS MONDAY 17 JANUARY 1500GMT
With the present crisis in Asia, wouldn't it be a good idea to follow some of the clothes, food, etc sent from this country to see where it has gone. Who is now wearing my T-shirt etc. I am sure this would make a very interesting article, especially if they were things taken from different parts of the country, which would include everyone.
Linda Camplin
Devon, England
Regarding the article about a woman being arrested for "haunting" a castle (Woman jailed for haunting house, 16 January, one can't help wondering if she would have got away with it if it hadn't have been for those pesky kids.
Garry
Andover
"Is Germaine Greer a celebrity or an intellectual?" asks Faces of the Week, 16 January
No.
Faustino
Brisbane, Australia
Re: . Whoever writes Faces of the Week doesn't seem to read the BBC website... it mentions the report of Bob Marley being exhumed (Marley's remains 'to be exhumed, 12 January, but misses Marley 're-burial' plan denied, 13 January, which denies the story!
Stuart Moore
Cambridge, UK
Names inspired by modern technology are nothing new (re. this week's Friday Challenge. The names Perl (alternative spelling for Pearl) and Ruby for girls, as well as Pascal for boys, are all taken from programming languages. I am surprised nobody mentioned them.
Louise
Bedfordshire, UK
From 10 things we didn't know, 15 January: "8. An average record shop needs to sell at least two copies of a CD per year to make it worth stocking, according to Wired magazine."
What about a good record shop? Or a really bad one?
Saw
Cambridge
SI'S RIDDLE MONDAY 17 JAN 1315GMT
Every Monday Si sets you a riddle to ponder over.
I and only I
Find a word to continue this sequence:
bit
five
vixen
explosive
Send your entries using the form below.
The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide.
The solution to last week's riddle was as follows.
First we have a simple logic problem which leads to:
Ann, crisps, 53
Harry, smoking, 63
Michael, drinking, 50
Rachel, meat, 18
We then need to find out how the number of days is derived from the other information. As the title suggests this is based on the number of vowels and consonants. For example Ann crisps has 2 vowels and 7 consonants leading to 53 days. Therefore we get four simultaneous equations:
2V + 7C = 53
3V + 9C = 63
5V + 10C = 50
4V + 6C = 18
Solving these gives C = 11, V = -12
Therefore Helene chocolate 7V + 8C = 7x-12 + 8x11 = 4, so Helene would have only lasted 4 days.
The winner was Tom Drury of Cheadle Hulme.
Si is a contributor to the Puzzletome website.
~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~09~RS~)
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