The Lunchtime Bonus Question

Welcome to the Lunchtime Bonus Question.

The rules are simple. Every day at 1030 BST we give you an answer. You then tell us what the question was.

Marks are deducted for predictability, and a selection of your most wrong questions are published each day until about 1500 BST when the actual question is revealed.

The winner of this week's Lunchtime Achievement Award is Candy Spillard for her incomprehensibly wrong question on Tuesday. In accepting her award she said: "I carry out scientific research for a living. This involves asking awkward, and occasionally spectacularly wrong, questions. I am happy that my talent in this black art may at last receive proper recognition."

LBQ roll of shame

FRIDAY

Congratulations to regular LBQer Chris Ford who yesterday became our second Lunchtime Centurion, having his 100th wrong question published. So although being so wrong so often isn't anything to be proud of, we have invited him to choose today's answer.

Friday's answer is "GROW YOUR HAIR LONG AND WAVE A BIG HAMMER"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included: 1978: Grange Hill
Episode 1 Scene 1 - Woodworking
Programme Notes...
John C, Oldham

Conan the Bohemian?
Phil Welch, London

Gohippyeopbbang?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Chris Forge ?
Jason S, Southampton, UK

Victor's Secret?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose.
Fly a jumbojet and then bury all your clothes.
Paint your left knee green, be an internet spammer...
Si Griffin, London

Wrought-Iron Maiden?
David, Borehamwood

Confusion at the hair and nail salon?
David, UK

Anybody know a better way of resigning?
Kip, Norwich

Sister Sledge?
David, UK

The statue of Liberty has a mid-life crisis?
Chris Ballard, UK

On a building site, how do you distract attention from your lower back when bending over?
John S, Maidstone

...excuse his lisp, he actually meant " how can you be sure?"
Richard Wright, London

How can you guarantee Car No. 1 pole position in the next Wacky Race?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

After 50 unpublished entries, what does one have do to attract the attention of the LBQ staff?
Jo, London

Gimli's agent said?
Robin, Herts

Turn on, tune in, fix the sink?
Lara, France

Conan the Barberian?
Emma Dalby Bowler, London

What's hot on the Valhalla catwalks this season?
Matthew, Sweden

What did the Queen go on to advise Alan Titchmarsh to do?
Dave Cartwright, Coventry

Dum da da dum, da da dum, can't cut this?
David, UK

Define "girl power"
Sarah, Oxford

Dandy Handy Andy?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

Un-Bob the Builder?
Alan, London

What was the Saxon equivalent of Honk if You're Horny?
Alex Evans, Manchester

Timmy Mullet?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

Hari Kruschev?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

The first rule of being a Norse God is you do not talk about being a Norse God. The second rule of being a Norse God is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT BEING A NORSE GOD. The third rule of being a Norse God is...
Tim G, London, UK

Please can you tell me the quickest way to get to the local secure unit?
Sarah , Oxford

How do you succeed on interior design programs?
Sarah Allman, Oxford

So you don't want to speak softly and carry a big stick? Got a better idea?
Bill, Portland, Oregon US

All wrong. The correct question, as verified by Chris, was what description of Thor has been supplied to children who want to channel their energy and get them fit by using superheroes as a role model.

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THURSDAY

Thursday's answer is "BIG COMPANY ILLS"

Entries have now closed. Wrong questions included:

When my corpulent houseguest started to complain of a stomach ailment, I feared I may have had to deal with what?
Adrian Coward, Lakes, Barbados

What's the dot com-plaint?
Nik, Cambridge

When the PLC needs TLC?
Kip, Norwich

Now YOU too can keep your stomach ulcer tablets in this stunning, executive, leatherette case.
Andrew Culley, Grantham

How does Ian's Loft Lagging Service envisage its future?
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

ill Gates?
Ed Sexton, London

Whooping corp?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Viral marketing?
Tim G, London, UK

Mumps & Spencers?
Kevin H, Creepy Crawley

Red Tape-worms
Noel, Northwich

Consumption?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

What became of those small company illocks?
Mike Grimes, Liphook, UK

Wanadoo doo ?
Patrick Goubel, London

Merger most foul?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Anxieties of scale?
Jen, Staffordshire

Hurley Davidson?
Sanjeev, London

Salmonella in the dance troupe?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

When Gutgeheissen becomes Gesundheit?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Tell me one thing that is likely to benefit small companies?
Caroline, Berks

COMPANY ILLS?
Sanjeev, London

Corporitus, conglomoritus and enterprisitus are all examples of what ?
Gordon, Whitley Bay

Where can you add a 'K' to make this into a sensational headline?
A, UK

Viagra, oh hang on...
Robin, Herts

The C.E.Oh I don't feel too good?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Now our employer has forced all 100 of us to share one open plan office, what happens when one of us gets 'flu ?
Jim, Marlow

Corporate Hospitalisation?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

The rash of dot.coms?
Suz, Grenoble

Not quite as serious as corporate manslaughter?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

M(&)S?
Leanie Kaleido, Tonbridge

Why have I got a blue chip on my shoulder?
Chris Stocks, Chesham, Bucks

Illinois' largest employer?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

With what affliction does former Enron Chief Exec, Ken Lay suffer?
Jeff, UK

The new name for sick building syndrome?
David Gorton, Oldbury, UK

All wrong. The correct question was Microsoft has cut back on costs such as healthcare for staff and free towels to avoid what, according to chief executive Steve Ballmer.

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WEDNESDAY

Wednesday's answer is "HIGH-SPEED TABLE TENNIS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

I bought a high speed table at a car boot sale, does anyone have any ideas what I can use it for?
Keith, Purcellville

How could you convert an Ikea dining table into an antique?
Trevor, Bloomsbury

We've had the top 10, but what was the least popular story of the Magazine's first year?
Nik, Cambridge

What the top attraction at hummingbird youth clubs?
Nik, Cambridge

Let's play to love all.
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

Bat's entertainment!?
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

If I had a response for every LBQ attempt that was not published, what would the network resemble?
Rockin Robin, Falkirk, Scotland

You know, there are a couple of jokes that I really like. There is one about the fastest drink in the world being milk, because it is past your eyes before you can see it, and that sounds like pastureised, because that is how milk is sold (I know - It is hilarious!). The other one is (and I love this one even more!) what sport do horses play, and the answer is Stable Tennis (I know - it's a scream!). So, I was thinking that I could combine these two jokes into one. It would save time, and be twice as funny! So (and I know you'll like this) "What sport do horses that drink milk play?" Hey, wake up!. Don't you want to know the answer?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

What Malaysian competition texters do to relax?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Ping the Merciless?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

What requires bats out of Hell?
Gerry T, Faringdon, England

So what did you think we meant when we said our restaurant had the quickest table service in the area?
Ben Moxon, Guildford

When we gave you £3bn for HSTT, we just assumed that you knew it meant high speed tilting trains. So what have you got for us?
Alan C., Bracknell

Paddle steamer?
Neal Berridge, Nottingham

What is played with a tennis rocket?
David, UK

So apart from roads, sanitation, public safety what have the Romans ever done for us?
Dave Williams, Prudhoe.UK

Now Jean-Philippe Gatien serves to Chiang Peng-lung. Forehand from Chi... backhand from Jea... backhand fro... forehand fro.. backhand... forehand... bac.. for.. ba.. fo.. b... f..
Jason S, Southampton, UK

Gatso (Ping Pong Editions) announced to curb.....
Michael Scott, Great Yarmouth

PngPng?
Christian B, Truro

Domes, Eyes, new stadiums, Olympics, grand prix, fountains. What will they try to cram into London next?
Colin, Manchester UK

What have Radio 4 listeners begged programmers to replace "Quote, Unquote" with?!
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

What's almost as boring as table tennis?
Bill, Portland, Oregon US

It's advisable to close your mouth when playing what?
Suz, Grenoble

1970's diplomacy?
Robin, Herts UK

Name a sport that is more tiring to watch than take part in.
Edward, Bath

Give an example of a tautology
Becky, London

When I pulled a sickie, I told the nurse I sustained an injury playing what?
Jen, Staffordshire

Explain Blame Culture.
Rockin Robin, Falkirk, Scotland

All wrong. The correct question was what is one of the ways Conservative leader Michael Howard and his wife pass the time, according to their interview on This Morning.

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TUESDAY

Tuesday's answer is "DIRT UNIT"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Eminem's voicebox?
Susannah , London

Terra bit?
Candace, New Jersey, US

In the forthcoming season of Dr Who, I heard that there will be some changes. What organization will Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart now lead?
Tim Francis-Wright, Boston, US

What do you measure with a pornograph?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

In my "Farmyard Tapestry" kit, the buildings, you sew; the animals, you cut out of felt; but ...
John Bainbridge, Sunderland

The ancient Greeks only had four elemental schools: the Breeze Unit, the Heating Unit, the Wet Unit, and ... ?
Dave Howe, East Brookfield, MA US

What wheeled appliance is recovered at septo-diurnal intervals for interim manipulation via a mobile inversion device under the management of a refusal disposal officer?
Geoffrey Scott-Baker, Reading

How does a boffin quantify 'whiter than white'?
Ken, Pretoria

Mummy, what do fleas like you live on?
Dan Swanmore, Bury St Edmunds, UK

You need 45,648 of these before you lose that fun vortex effect in your Dyson.
Jamie Jeyaratnam, Coventry

Good News! My local hospital has come top of the league! Bad news... the score is based on, well, you know the rest.
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

What the gitmoized name for a toilet?
Parminder, Leeds

*HIT squad?
Candy Spillard, York, UK

The leader of the Grunge band Multiple Hygenic Failures
Kevin McCabe, New Hampshire, US

Ghost slang for a human?
Sanjeev, London

Farmer team bonding?
Amy, Bristol

Dieters who forget to wash their hands before eating have to add what to their Weight Watchers total?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

R2D2 does Dallas ?
Jason S, Southampton, UK

London Transport bosses play 'reality card' in new naming scheme for bus stops.
Gilbert, Dunstable, UK

What name did Mrs Frank Zappa use her one and only veto on?
Kaylie, not so sunny Runcorn

Penny Black?
Norm Brown, Branxton.Capital of Oz.

The Loam Ranger's posse?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

From what would you fashion a warm winter scurf?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

What can you make from the bits that fall off the top of top-heavy fractions?
Sanjeev, London

The answer to organised grime?
Peter Jones, Hull, UK

Mud Pi?
Janey, Sutton Coldfield

How do you measure Staines?
Kip, Norwich

1 Kilogrime?
Caroline, Bath

The filth element?
Kevin H., Creepy Crawley

What did Mary Whitehouse measure on a bareometer?
Kip, Norwich

Those IKEA names just dont do it for me?
Mark Moynihan, London

What would the authorities have us call a bin, now that Osama has sullied the name?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

Abbreviation for the Director of the Tunisian University IT Department
Stevie G, Edinburgh, UK

Currency used in Mudras?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

What is being introduced to "How Clean Is Your House" in response to accusations of subjectivity?
Tim G, London, UK

Vice Squad dumbs down?
Mike C, Leeds

A U.S. standard 1/100 inch grit particle is equivalent to one...
Becky, London

What did Muddy Waters call his first born child?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Festival phrases 346: Public toilets?
Mark Moynihan, London

The place men keep their "secret" porn stash
Milly Newman, Bournemouth

Former name of the Hygiene & Cleansing Team?
John S, Maidstone

What did Frank Zappa originally want to call his daughter?
Becky, London

All wrong. The correct question was is the supposed name of a dirty tricks operation within the Australian government which the leader of the opposition says should be abolished, but which the government denies exists anyway.

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MONDAY

Monday's answer is "A BAR OF SOAP AND OIL PAINTS"

Entries have now closed. Wrong questions included:

Mrs Whitehouse never went to Soho without her what?
Sara, Limassol

A typical order at the bar of the "Pheasant & Surrealist"?
Peter Seed, UK

Analytical cubism is characterised by the use of monochromes and spatially disjointed forms, whereas synthetic cubism relates more to ...
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

What will only make stains worse?
Ed Sexton, London

What are the essential things to pack when moving to a naturist artist retreat?
Kaylie, Sunny Runcorn

How do you fix Barbie's makeup?
Dougie Lawson, Basingstoke, UK

What did Whistler's mother make him use?
Sanjeev, London

How to clean up in the art world?
Caroline, Berks

What two things bring a smile to Sister Wendy Beckett's face?
Mark Mullaly, Birmingham, UK

What might improve my chat-up technique?
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

Drawn Slippy?
James Bosson, Farnham

Two things the average toddler is unable to distinguish between.
Richard R, Leamington Spa

Wash and van Goch?
Mike, Cardiff

Monet laundering?
Chris Pritchett, Bristol

What is the contribution of whaling to modern society?
Kevin H, Creepy Crawley

I started writing down all my thoughts ages ago. What did I write down when I saw Tracey Emin's bed?
Kip, Norwich

Lust for LifeBuoy?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

What do you need to make a artist's wash?
John Mander, Coulsdon, Surrey

Herbal Essences take their advertising campaign back to basics?
Will, Chelmsford

Joan Collins' makeup kit?
Evan, UK/Dubai

Sunlight landscape?
Melissa, London

Jilly Goolden's opinion on the new Australian wines?
Mike Scott, Great Yarmouth

NOT Blender buddies?
Nik, Cambridge

Next year's winning entry for the Turner Prize?
Chris W, nr Brighton

What is the test of decent painting in Singapore?
Candace, New Jersey, US

All wrong. The correct question was what luxuries, respectively, did Tory leader Michael Howard and his predecessor Iain Duncan Smith chose on Desert Island Discs?