The Lunchtime Bonus Question

The rules are simple. Every day at 1030 BST we give you an answer. You then tell us what the question was.

Marks are deducted for predictability, and a selection of your most wrong questions are published each day until about 1500 BST when the actual question is revealed.

The winner of this week's Lunchtime Achievement Award is John Curley for his insultingly wrong question on Monday. In accepting his award, he said: "What heady heights are there left to conquer? I may as well retire from public life, spending my waking hours wearing slippers, entering internet word quizzes and... no, wait!"

LBQ roll of shame

FRIDAY

Friday's answer is "DEEPLY AMBIGUOUS AND DELIBERATELY SO"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Double entendres for pseudo-intellectuals?
Ann, Brighton

Who's on first??
Ainy, Baltimore, US

Is this a question and, if so, what kind?
Sanjeev, London

Right Said Fred meets Enigma
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Mantra of the mechanic, salesman, estate agent, plumber; I must always be ...
Stella Clark, Surrey, UK

Which one do you take if given three shovels and told to take your pick?
Peter Aitken, Scotland

It's not you, it's me?
Cindy, NYC, US

Cricket?
Matt , Marlow

Why have you rung 999, sir?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

What might a celebrity couple consider calling twin babies?
Paul Peru, Oslo, Norway

Eats shoots and leaves
Jo, St Peter Port, Guernsey

How long is a piece of string?
Tamsin Aston, Chertsey

There's something about Miriam
Stephen H, Nottingham

Big Brother - the police statement?
Mark Moynihan, London

Enron's accounts?
Kip, Norwich

Victorian values?
Sion, Fleet, UK

A wolf-whistle on a nudist beach?
Tomo, Wortley

"What do you mean, what do you mean?"
Pat McGarry, Springfield, Illinois, USA

I deliberately wrote this with both my left and right hands...no wait!
Keith R, Purcellville

Might be.
Neil, Birmingham

Describe my boss' response when I ask him why I haven't had a promotion in seven years?
Helene Parr, South Wales expat to Twickenham

Why are my LBQs rarely published?
David Slater, Kilmarnock, Scotland www.thelbq.co.uk

I am the Egg-Man We are the Egg-Men I am the Walrus Goo-goo-goo-joob
Rob Turville, Guernsey, Channel Islands

... and Happy Birthday Boris Johnson!
C Falconer, London

The England Midfield formation is.....
Paul, Sunderland

Ms?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

How best to describe the way in which the LBQ team decide which entries get published?
Sarah, Swindon

What's the title of Jade Goody's new autobiography?
Kevin H., Creepy Crawley

My attitude to Euro 2004?
Kirsten, Bristol

How does Kermit keep Miss Piggy interested?
Ruth, Bradford

The LBQ answer is...
Si Griffin, London

To be or not to be?
Peter Greenhill, London

Legal-speak, discuss...
David, UK

What are the rules of Mornington Crescent?
Alec Cawley, Newbury, UK

Precis Ulysses in 5 words?
Martin, Harlow

Original title of the Right Said Fred hit single?
Neil Webber, Bristol

Confused? You will be!
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

Explain the offside rule?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Chris Ford from Bristol?
Gareth Hinchley, Delamere, Cheshire

Describe a vechicle that can travel on land and go underwater... no wait.
Kevin Smith, Eastbourne, UK

My mobile phone contract?
Mike F, Plymouth UK

"As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know." Discuss.
Martin, Harlow

All wrong. The correct question was how did the curator of Tate Britain's Francis Bacon display describe the artist's Two Figures Lying On A Bed, on view for the first time since it was put in storage in Iran since 1979.

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THURSDAY

Thursday's answer is "BEWARE INVISIBLE COWS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

In answer to Martin, Harlow, what sign is used to warn against naff submissions from me? http://www.highwaycode.gov.uk/sign113.shtml?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK

HG Wells meets George Orwell?
Peter Greenhill, London

The source of hidden charges?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

Clarrie Grundy, you've really lost it now....
Anne, London

Name another LBQ answer likely to generate 'memo to/from zoo manager' responses?
Nick Hill, Dolgellau, Wales

Do you really think I would open an email with the heading ...
Steve Reszetniak, Enfield

Passed-yer-eyes?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

The emperor's new lows?
Candace, New Jersey, US

To keep Evaporated milk prices down?
Tom Mcveigh, Liverpool

Herd but not seen?
Ruth Henderson, Bradford

Best advice the crazy guy at the bus station ever gave me?
Ady Carter, York, UK

When do you know that the lawn REALLY needs mowing?
Kip, Norwich

Sign ordered by Stealth Dairies?
John, Leicester

And people say I'M paranoid......
Caroline, Berks

No bull?
Chris Pritchett, Bristol Uk

At last! I've cracked the message contained in crop circles. It says:
Graham Triggs, London, UK

I don't see any invisib.......
Stuart Sands, London

What Don Quixote would expect to be lurking round the wind farm?
Candace, New Jersey, US

When you can hear laughing but don't know where it is coming from?
John C, Oldham

Road signs in Invisible Milton Keynes?
Gill, MK, UK

Scientists decipher the real message of Ulysses?
John C, Oldham

When WMD warnings go too far?
Jack, London

Desperate Dan now has heat-sensitive goggles, so...
Si Griffin, London

Driving theory test, question 41: What does this road sign signify?
a) Road workers gone for cup of tea
b) Unspecified hazard ahead
c) ...
Martin, Harlow

Well, of course you can't see them, that's why I called 999!
Bill, Portland, Oregon US

Julius Caesar might have given more weight to the Ides of March warning were he not told at the same time to do what?
Stuart Sands, London

Now I know what the letters on my pen stand for?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

I'm worried, Nostradamus - I think you might be losing your touch.
Ellie, London

War, invasion, revolution, hang-gliding - isn't that enough? What else could we possibly have to worry about?
Bill, Portland, Oregon US

Where's the beef?
Dr Reece Walker, London UK

Send your question using the form below:

All wrong. The correct question was what was spotted on a Hawaiian roadsign.

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WEDNESDAY

Wednesday's answer is "WAR, INVASION, REVOLUTION, HANG-GLIDING"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

If Che was born in California?
Davar, London

The Four {INSERT AMUSING AND UNLIKELY NOUN OF CHOICE} of the Apocalypse?
Rob Turville, Guernsey, Channel Islands

The War Diaries: Abridged too far?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Saddam's Jim'll Fix It letter?
Rich , Malvern

So what are wind farms good for?
Andy Ireland, Sheffield

The only circumstances to prevent Candace from entering the LBQ?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

Sum up 2003 in 4 words...
Annie, UK

What was the original title of Tolstoy's masterpiece before his publisher advised simplifying it ?
Jim, Marlow

Five Go... (Enid Blyton for the next Generation?)
Martin, Liverpool

Name: Marmalade. Interests:
Nick Nevin, London, UK

Evolution?
Pauline, Herne Bay

As blogging is a seven year old's activity, what are more relevant activities for eight year olds?
David, UK

Great film, Mr Copolla, but that title's rubbish. What about 'Catastrophe Today', something along those lines?
Dr Reece Walker, London UK

Jon Yuill's suggestions to improve commuting on the railways?
David, UK

What Hank Marvin, Bruce Welch, Jet Harris and Tony Meehan have planned for their free time this weekend?
Rob Turville, Guernsey, Channel Islands

Extreme sports through the ages?
Adrian H, Southampton

Iraq: past, present and future?
Paul Peru, Oslo, Norway

Tall gentleman, v thin, w an interest in old fashioned harvesting equipment, seeks female for games of chess and poss more, hobbies include..
Susannah , London

Weapons of microlite destruction?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

What is the central theme of "Ulysses"?
Dave Williams, Prudhoe, UK

And they said all the fun had come out of politics?
Mark Rowe, Guernsey

Name four things the French CAN'T beat us at.
Andy Donaldson, Bromley

Three men and a lady. What are their pastimes?
Leanie Kaleido, Tonbridge

Apocolypse Now, Dude?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Appearing at Glastonbury this year?
Tom, Liverpool

The 4 circumstances in which diarrhoea is least welcome?
Neil, Birmingham

After his two recent lighter films, what four topics are next on Steven Spielberg's to do list?
Kevin H., Creepy Crawley

The four Corporate Event Organisers of the Apocalypse?
James Castle, Welwyn Garden City

My to-do list?
Jeff, UK

It's fun to stay at the YMCA....
James Castle, Welwyn Garden City

The Four Student Societies of the Apocalypse?
John C, Oldham

Motor Insurance exclusions?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

Cheat's guide to War and Peace?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Four games I can beat my 2-year-old nephew at?
Cleebs, MK, UK

And your specialist subject is...?
Si Griffin, London

What did the Roundheads do for us?
Richard Saint, Bedford, UK

And now for the odd one out round...
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Julie Andrews' favourite things if the baddies had won at the end?
Tim G, London, UK

Yet more things the Police say 999 calls are not meant to be used for?
Stuart Sands, London

Jackass II - The military years?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Map out the time-line of the Red Army?
Richard carpenter, Camberley

War. What is it good for?
Nigel, Winchester

What is George Bush Jnr planning for his father's NEXT birthday?
Christian B, Truro

Senator McCarthy was afraid of which Communist threats?
Philip Whitehead, Abingdon

What are the hobbies of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse?
Stewart Clark, Hereford

All wrong. The correct question was what are some of the exclusions on the insurance policy Lloyds of London has agreed to give to an unnamed celebrity on his chest hair.

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TUESDAY

Tuesday's answer is "BRUSHES THE IRRATIONAL"

Wrong questions so far include:

Stripey Paint?
Mark Moynihan, London

Job description of a barber in the asylum
John, Leicester

Waiting up 'til 1.30 in the morning to do the LBQ?
Bill, Portland, Oregon USA

A man with no teeth...?
Evan, UK/Dubai

What does a sweeping statement do?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

Bobby Charlton tends to his comb-over?
Si Griffin, London

Atilla The Hun's lesser known cousin?
Neil Franklin, Southampton

How does a mathematician sweep up pi crumbs?
Steve, Bristol UK

Obscure cockney rhyming slang for 'Russian international'?
Alan C., Bracknell

What does Don King do when he gets up?
Joe, Bristol, UK

Salvador Dali's valet?
Kip, Norwich

Tracey Eminem?
Kirsty F-C, Swindon

Calling 999 to rid of a spider?
Mark Rowe, Guernsey

A day in the life of Sherlock Holmes. Step one: Flosses the rational. Step Two:....
Dave Howe, East Brookfield, MA USA

How might a football faker might explain losing the game?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Welcome back to This Morning. And today's chance to win a thousand pounds, just call our premium rate number and answer this challenging question (it's quite difficult today Philip): Which of these is NOT a Knight of the Round Table - Lancelot the Brave or...
Ian, Bristol

What's that goldfish on a bicycle up to these days?
Neil, Birmingham

The Four Road-Sweepers of the Apocalypse; Sweeper the Opinionated, Clogger the Chauvinist, Norman the Patriotic, ....
James Castle, Welwyn Garden City

The mullet?
Brian Saxby, Gateshead

What does the Tate Modern's cleaner do all day?
Nik, Cambridge

Umm... Sir perhaps means the Bruschetta with the Ratatouille, no?
Tim G, London, UK

Even the most cunning comb-over?
Eddie Dickison, bt28

Painting yourself into a corner?
Ray Gray, London

Roadsweep Rage?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Who was Conan's lesser known brother?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Woody Allen's a funny guy, but sometimes he...
Nik, Cambridge

Picasso, discuss.
Andy Donaldson, Bromley

All wrong. The correct question was how did French newspaper Le Parisien characterise France's win against England in Euro 2004?

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MONDAY

Monday's answer is "A MOOSE SINGING EMBRACEABLE YOU IN SPATS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

MEMO TO : Dr. S. Nye
From : A Giraffe
We received your memo Stephen but are somewhat concerned: you don't seriously believe that this hospital is a zoo and you its manager? Do you? And as for that episode last night - what were you supposed to be anyway?
Gerald Moynihan, London

Is that a cover version?
Mark Rowe, Guernsey

When I left the message on your voicemail, I wanted the lads to get the discharge underwater, to replace the ball in the valve, and for you to check that they had done it right. I said "aim ooze sinking, impress a ball, you inspect." What did you think I said?
John S, Maidstone

First, there was Moose 1.0; then in 2.0 the moose was singing; what's planned for Moose 2.1?
Dave Howe, East Brookfield, MA US

My family went to lap land and all I got was...
Alex Evans, Manchester

Rolf Harris: "Can you see what it is yet?"
Colin M, London

The Cervine Comedy?
John C, Oldham

Trust me - you have a lisp! Repeat after me:
Nick Nevin, London, UK

What's that, Lassie? Who's got trapped in the old mines this time?
Sarah, Bedford

'Wee singing timorous beastie'?
Franki Campbell, Cupar, Scotland

And they said the fun had gone out of politics!
Tim McMahon, Pennar/wales

What's the Canadian version of the phrase "as mad as a fish on a bicycle"?
Jo, St Peter Port, Guernsey

Evidence of weapons of moose destruction?
Gerald Moynihan, London

MEMO TO : All Staff
From : Manager, London Zoo
Didn't you read my memo of 11/6/2004?
Dr Stephen Nye, London UK

Yeah, well, my Dad's got a blue dinosaur...
Vicki Edwards, Edinburgh

Animal Magic?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

What makes you think it was a bad pint?
Phill C, Sheffield, UK

We couldn't get the tap-dancing Gnu. You'll have to make do with...
Kevin Harris, Creepy Crawley

What happens when you let it loose aboot this hoose?
Edward, Bath

It's either Robbie Williams with antlers or...
Paul Peru, Oslo, Norway

Why in future all camera phones are banned at Moose Lodge?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What's the first sign you've had enough Labatts?
Tim G, London, UK

Who is the favourite to win "Canadian Idol"?
Mark Williams, London

Damn, I had a bet on a moose singing Fly Me To The Moon in welllies.
Michael Hall, Suffolk, UK

What's the only thing that could cheer me up this morning?
David, UK

What has been, like, the most psychedelic LBQ answer to date, man?
Leanie Kaleido, Tonbridge, UK

As the LBQ compilers consider the anniversary of the quiz (coming soon), what is proposed to be a replacement to the key-ring?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK

What has replaced 'the little mouse with clogs on'?
Si Griffin, London

What is more likely than France scoring two goals in injury time?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

My misguided ex's idea of a romantic evening.
Jen, Staffordshire

Adam and the Antlers?
Gerald Moynihan, London

What is Alex Kingston having to consider as her next role?
Nik, Cambridge, UK

What's the password ?
Jim, Marlow

The yakpack?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

How not to be a football faker
Nik, Cambridge, UK

Tracey, can you describe the meaning of your latest piece for us?
Parminder, Leeds

What's the sequel to "Eats, shoots and leaves."?
Bill, Portland, Oregon US

Elk-y Brooks?
John Thompson, Southport, UK

All wrong. The correct question was which, of all the wonders of nature, is possibly more remarkable than a tree in summer, according to Woody Allen.