The Magazine's Friday Challenge
Should you choose to accept it...
"I told you I was ill." This was the phrase the late comedian Spike Milligan wanted carved on his headstone. Or was it? Two years after his death, his widow says this was just a joke and that the family is still struggling to compose a fitting epitaph.
What goes here? A grave matter
As George Bernard Shaw once observed, life doesn't cease to be funny when people die. So your challenge is to write a dead funny inscription for your own tombstone.
Some of the best epitaphs will be interred on this page throughout the course of Friday.
Entries have now closed. Your epitaphs include:
I'd just given up smoking as well.
Thank God my wife took out that large life insurance for me
This was the cheapest flat I could find in London
OK, so I should have read the instructions first.
Mike Butler, UK
His life's work still unfini
Martin Cooper, Stoke on Trent, UK
ERROR 404: Epitath not found
Ray Gray, England
His motto was, 'life is like a box of chocolates'. Nobody knew he was allergic to Turkish Delight.
Michael Rhodes, UK
Still looking down on me, dear?
Tim Mcmahon, Pennar, Wales.
I feel a lot better now than I did.
"What happens if I do thi..."
Sarah Bowyer, Reading, UK
Here lies what's-his-name
will never be forgotten
Andy Mac, Scotland
Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and nowhere to go.
You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
The management of this graveyard cannot accept any responsibility for personal injury caused by the dead rising. Any persons visiting this site must do so at their own risk.
"Let's go bungee jumping," he said. "It'll be a laugh," he said. Pillock.
You should see the other guy!
Matt H, Imperial College, London
I am at rest but not asleep
And nothing do I fear
So I'll come clean and I'll confess
Your bum looks big from here.
Jeannie Gill, Northern Ireland
Beat this, David Blaine
Quiet sensitive guy seeks a lively live-in partner for cosy nights in. GSOH essential. Enquire within.
Austin Curzon, England
If you want a piece of my mind. Dig.
Mark Starling, London
Gone but not forgotten.
Could be worse...
Could be forgotten but not gone.
Graham Carter, England
This is what you get for using the phrase "over my dead body!"
Ben Cotter, UK