The Lunchtime Bonus Question

Welcome to the Lunchtime Bonus Question.

The rules are simple. Every day at 1030 BST on the Magazine index we give you an answer. You then tell us what the question was.

The winner of this week's Lunchtime Achievement Award is Andrea Collins of London for her immobile answer on Thursday. Accepting her award, she said: "When I moved to London from Australia, I wasn't sure if I'd succeed in this city. Now I know I won't. Thanks a bunch, LBQ."

LBQ roll of shame

FRIDAY

Friday's answer is "DEAREST AND THE BEST"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Since I'm on a budget, how will my Daily Telegraph obit for Fido read?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

I have a cold, you idiot. I meant best and closest hospital!
Ainy, Baltimore, US

What do I give my cat for tea?
Kip, Norwich

Friday night?
James Bosson, Farnham

We're not fooled by the rocks that you got. I'm sure they're, I'm sure they're the..?
Seanie, Bucks

What were Laurel and Hardy known as in Uzbekistan - in English?
Charles Frean, Bedford, Massachusetts

I know it's a bit early for LBQs about Christmas, but how do I HAVE to describe my wife's Christmas presents every year when I open it?
Ken, London

Who's Who in After Dinner Speaking: Cherie Blair and the late Peter Ustinov?
John C, Oldham

So..lets see what we've got. An unlikely crime fighting duo of a sweet old lady and her highly competitive, must-win-at-everything grandson. Now all we need is a name..
John C, Oldham

Posh & Becks?
Seanie, Bucks

Fat and stupid, exhausted, worm eaten, dishonest and incompetent, a booby trapped shelfish, immobilisation operative, but what do you call her come Saturday night?
Laurie, Alcester

Ryanair adopts a new marketing strategy?
Helen, Brussels

The motto of the Olympic Games, "Citius, Altius, Fortius" is to be updated with a phrase meaning what?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

In an effort to avoid further embarrassment, how have Channel 4 executives instructed Richard Madeley to refer to all future guests?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

Pay as you go LBQ?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Key roles at a wedding?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Well, you wouldn't want a cheap immobilisation operative would you?
Steve Reszetniak, Enfield

Diamond geezers?
Seanie, Bucks

Into what categories would you put (a) houses in the South and (b) houses in the North?
Steve, Newcastle upon Tyne

Capitalism x Perfectionism =
Phil, Nimes

Without what would make the cheapest and worst feel average?
Chris Watson, Bristol

Chelsea and Arsenal?
Kevin H, Creepy Crawley

Friends refer to my wife and I as Beauty and the Beast. What term do I prefer?
Brian Ritchie, Oxford

All wrong. The correct question was what does The Love that asks no questions lay upon the altar, according to the now controversial hymn I Vow to Thee My Country.

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THURSDAY

Thursday's answer is "IMMOBILISATION OPERATIVE"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Time for a quick questionnaire madam?
Stuart Peek, Southampton, UK

Klingons on the starboard bow?
Sarah Durham, Didcot

Dead man walking?
Andrea Collins, London, UK

Inaction Man?
Chris Watson, Bristol

Gentlemen, DON'T start your engines!
Pat McGarry, Springfield, IL, US

Non-shift worker?
Pat Murphy, Wallasey

http://www.highwaycode.gov.uk/sign040.shtml ?
David, UK

From rush hour with love?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

With a name like Spanner Manley, he should be perfect for the role of ...
Sara, Limassol

Bill, listen to this one. You're gonna love it. How about, when they want to shut down their PCs, we say they have to hit the 'Start' button .... ?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

The Lunchtime Bonus Question
Ian, Sicily

Static Electrician?
Maq Moonshadow, Chelmsford, Essex, UK

Who takes the Sloth of Allegiance?
Kevin H, Creepy Crawley

The bloke who gave me a "deadleg" dropped his business card. What did it say his profession was?
Richard Saint, Bedford

Who put that immovable object there?
J Orton, Bournemouth

The M25 variable speed limit programmer?
Dave K, Epsom, Surrey

French Air Traffic Controller?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

A nobble profession?
Seanie, Bucks

Disney is about to release a PC version of Lady and The Tramp. They're calling the dog catcher the... what?
Kip, Norwich

Get him, Igor?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Escargotcha?
Bill, Portland, Oregon, US

Ctrl+Alt+Del =
Phil, Nimes

The Spy Who Handcuffed Me?
Neil Webber, Bristol

Politically correct Dalek?
Sarah, Oxford

Professional street entertainer seen in Edinburgh?
John S, Maidstone

"General, what's the current status of our un-rapid reaction force?"
Douglas Norton, London

What a hitman puts on his business cards
Steve Reszetniak, Enfield

Spycatcher?
Si Griffin, London

Is this why I come up with all my best LBQ's at five past three?
John C, Oldham

How are security jobs on the Jerry Springer show advertised?
Sarah, Oxford

Kneecapper?
Alex P, Carshalton

Who is going to carry out the arrests of minor offenders?
Nik, Cambridge

All wrong. The correct question is how will wheel clampers be able to describe themselves if they qualify with a new BTEC in vehicle immobilisation?

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WEDNESDAY

Wednesday's answer is "A BOOBY-TRAPPED SHELLFISH"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

If I had thought escargots were shellfish, I could have used 'escargotcha' as an answer for which question?
ChrisB, Bromley

Escargotcha?
Candace, New Jersey, US

A lobster plot?
Beatice, London

A gift from your aenemonies?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

What terrorist device was found on the railway platform at King's Crustacean?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

What is likely to give you a really bad haddock?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Pop goes the winkle?
John, London

Bisque separatists?
Steve, London

Cockle shells ?
Jamie Hutchins, LONDON

Squid Vicious?
Dr Reece Walker, London UK

A job for Mr Mussel?
Tim Badger, Birmingham

Fin Diesel?
Lisa M, Southampton

What really, really scares a nervous wreck?
Janet B, Nottingham

A gift from the Crays?
Mike C, Leeds, UK

A Molotov prawn cocktail?
Seanie, Bucks

Lobster Thermanucleardore
Richard Toulson, Dumfries, Scotland

Bang bang prawns?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

How can we stop Candace?
Nik, Cambridge

Cantankerous crustaceans, Batman!
Suz, Grenoble

Mining Nemo?
Will Stuart, London, UK

Weapon of Mussel Destruction?
Keith, Whitstable

What weapon was commonly used in the Oyster Rising of 1916 ?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

The fishing industry is booming?
Becky, London

A limpet mine?
Caroline, London

There's got to be one more Brighton beach naturism joke out there, hmmmmmmm...
Bill, Portland, Oregon, US

Looking like an oversized sea-urchin with a laser and a sink plunger on the front, a dalek has also been likened to a.........?
Rebecca Selby, Sheffield

What happened when the scantily-clad mermaid swam too close to a giant clam?
Phil Cheesman, Southampton

All wrong. The correct question is what is believed to be one of the CIA plots hatched in the 1960s to get keen diver Fidel Castro, possibly during the period in which new CIA boss Porter Goss worked at the agency.

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TUESDAY

Tuesday's answer is "EXHAUSTED, WORM-EATEN, DISHONEST AND INCOMPETENT"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What was "The Young Ones" called when it was translated into German?
Patrick Rushton, Sheffield

.... or, as American tourists might put it, "quaint".
David Dee, Mozambique

Fastest Finger First - put these insults in order, least offensive first:
Nik, Cambridge

Coupling, The Later Years?
Francis, Phoenix, AZ, US

What is the best seller at 'Epitaphs were us?'
Kim, Fetcham

Corpse and robbers?
Brian Saxby, Gateshead

The reasons I should really have cited on my divorce papers?
Natalie, Cumbria

When theasauri go bad ....
Martin Roberts, Liverpool

If I pulled a 'Nick Sydney,' what would I look like as an OAP?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

Nosferatootired?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Late last night I was caught in the act of stealing my neighbour's compost heap when I tripped over the patio. This morning I'm feeling...
Helen, Brussels

Off-White and the 4 Orcs?
John C, Oldham

Administrators Anonymous?
Sara, Limassol

What, according to bookies, are the four names most likely to be used if the Beckhams have a third child?
Kirsten Gibson-Saxty, Harrow

What were the features of my old 486 pc?
Richard Toulson, Dumfries, Scotland

How does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown?
Seanie, Bucks

University Challenge - the Unprofessionals?
Peter Collins, Belfast

The winner of the estate agents' Fun Run?
Seanie, Bucks

...I knew him, Horatio
Suz, Grenoble

What are the nicknames of the new family members in Eastenders?
Asif Givashi, London

General requirements for Darwin Award nominees?
Dave , Lancaster

So does that mean the wedding's off, or just delayed a bit while you think things over?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

....., but enough about me. How are you?
Caroline

The four horsemen of the Antiques Roadshow?
Sarah, Oxford

God I miss being fat and stupid
David Edwards, Bury St Edmunds

Bad holiday was it?
Candace, New Jersey, US

A think tank rebrands the Teletubbies to reflect their audiences transition into teenage cynicism?
Gav Brooks, Bristol

Unrested, returning to nature, fact free and challenged. The "lets upset no one " approach?
Stuart Collins, Aberdeen

What happens when politicians play "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sailor?"
Tim G, London, UK

What were Laurel & Hardy called in the less refined parts of Germany?
Nik, Cambridge

We were on a break!
John C, Oldham

The Four Horsemen of the Necropolis?
Phil Cheesman, Southampton

But apart from that, what have the Romans ever done for us?
O.G.Nash, Doha, Qatar

Which of these is the odd one out?
Andy Hewitt, London

How are men commonly portrayed in television commercials?
Malcolm, Warsaw

What not to put on a CV?
Jack, London

After the mine closed, how could you tell that four of the Seven Dwarf's standards had slipped?
Luke A, York

Summary of my recent "appraisal"?
Liz, Sussex

Good day at the office darling?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

All wrong. The correct question was how, in an article using 196 adjectives, did the late Bernard Levin once commence an attack on the Tory party?

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MONDAY

Monday's answer is "FAT AND STUPID"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Greased Unenlightning?
Tim G, London, UK

"They may well have been. However, saying that to those bouncers was asking for trouble. On the plus side, the doctor says that they should be able to re-attach your jaw"
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

kjsdItslkd dgsurekj gpmakesfh it qphardmk to rgtypemr smwithoutlk tie-pose!
Ainy, Baltimore, US

(in whiny voice)I know you are but what am I...?
Dominic Munton, York, UK

Brian Blessed and not Brain Blessed ?
Michael Walmsley, Leeds

Why Hippos don't rule the earth?
Keith R., Purcellville

The Oxford Book of Playground Jibes #372?
Charlie, London UK

Kilo-grammatically challenged?
Nick Nevin, London, UK

What is a bad dream for Calista Flockhart?
Candace, New Jersey, US

How do you feel after your attempt to set the world record for hotdog eating was ruled invalid because you used the wrong type of bun?
Adrian Jackson, Reading

Which creatures are discriminated against in the hymn "All things Bright & Beautiful"?
Rupert K, London

Crude Oil?
DC, Newbury

Dumbed down version of Mark & Lard?
Simon, Yarm

What sort of people buy products described as "lite"?
Kip, Norwich

The new street slang for cool and clever?
Will, Sheffield

But then again, the average British male has many endearing qualities. Staying in New Jersey, then, Candace?
Steve Reszetniak, Enfield

Stupefried?
James Bosson, Farnham

Jabba the Huh?
Tim G, London, UK

Why do I keep getting stuck on the kiddies' slide?
Ray Gray, London

Cream crackers?
John S, Maidstone

The real meaning of "cuddly and bubbly" in lonely hearts ads?
Caroline, Bath

Full figure, half wit?
Seanie, Bucks

... and to conclude the interview, what are your three greatest weaknesses?
David Edwards, Bury St Edmunds

Define a 'blockbuster' novel?
Gerald Moynihan, London

IQ/BMI < 4 ?
Martin, Harlow, UK

How do you start a fight in a Sumo club?
Nik, Cambridge

Executive Summary of the Final Report into the Humpty-Dumpty Incident:
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

High in polyunsaturates, low in IQ?
Chuckie, Nottingham

You talkin' to me?
Gerald Moynihan, London

My big bones don't include my skull. What does that make me?
O.G.Nash, Doha, Qatar

Gross incompetence?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

Homer Simpson's Odyssey?
Stu, Yateley

The real meaning of "big is beautiful"?
Asif Givashi, London

New tv detective double act fails to impress?
Lisa M, Southampton

Clotted Cream?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

All wrong. The correct question was what were Laurel and Hardy known as in Germany. In English.

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