The Lunchtime Bonus Question

Welcome to the Lunchtime Bonus Question.

The rules are simple. Every day at 1030 GMT we give you an answer. You then tell us what the question was.

Marks are deducted for predictability, and a selection of your most wrong questions are published each day until about 1500 GMT when the actual question is revealed.

The third winner of the Lunchtime Achievement Award is Peter Seed of Maidenhead for his pathetically wrong question on Monday. Barely hiding his joy, he said: "Personally I thought the Boat Race gag was the best, but the writer is probably not so photogenic."

FRIDAY

Friday's answer is "AN INTEGRATED SONG-AND-DANCE COMMUNICATION"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What should you claim to have been involved in when you've sloped off to a lapdancing club?
Hyw Briss, London

How do I answer my mobile phone when it in an inside pocket of my overalls?
Trevor Mercer, Castleford

"I'm from the government, I'm here to help you." sounds better as what?
Gerry Buy, Toronto

"Do the Shake'n'Vac and put the freshness back." Discuss.
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

What does one have to do to get their questions published around here?
Elizabeth, Bath

What do you get when you cross karaoke with the macarena?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What is the OED definition of morris dancing?
Tim Newell, Southampton

Doing the Lambeth Walk - Oi?
Frank, Scotland

Without e-mail, what alternative will Steve Cisler adopt?
Abby, London

What do you get when you apply calculus to the arts?
Paul Crolla, Glasgow

What can we call the new Come Dancing programme?
Maggie Nunn, Harlow, Essex

What does my boss do when he comes back to the office at 4pm on a friday?
Jo, London

Define 'musical'.
Jeff, UK

Due to reclassification, Ring-A-Round-The-Roses is no longer a nursery rhyme but called what instead?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

What does 'ISDN' stand for?
Adrian H, Southampton

What is the best way to attract a man on a Saturday night?
Jill, Belfast

How could John Cage's most famous composition definitely not be described?
Andrew Collyer, Chatham, UK

What is President Bush's best chance of being re-elected?
Si Griffin, London, UK

What did people think of the new Gilbert and Sullivan light opera, HMS Semaphore?
James Ellis, Cambridge

Which technology is to replace trips to the theatre?
Amanda, Lincoln

What would be given to the press if we had Lionel instead of Tony as PM?
Tim D, Ingleby Barwick

How did David Brent's spin doctor describe his now-infamous routine?
Sion, Fleet, UK

"I like the way you have integrated song and dance as a form of communication... what do you call that"?
Andy Cottier, London

What do you get from a techie when the solution is to switch it off, then switch it on again?
Lyn Hallett, Surrey, UK

Pan's People pitch?
Stephen H, Nottingham

Describe the jingle created for BBC News Online?
Shiz, Cheshire, UK

A child's temper tantrum?
Richard Sockett, Sheffield, England

What phrase do you get when translating "combined polyphonic ringtone and powerful vibrating alert" into Japanese and back again?
Sean, Leamington Spa

Trevor Bayliss unveils his new body-motion powered phone as a form of...
Geoff Spick, Bournemouth

What is songanddance?
Mark, Paignton, UK

Computer assessment of Fred Astaire: Below minimum folicle count. Unable to implement simulated behaviour in scripted drama. Can adequately perform ...
Steve, Newcastle

Robot Movement Class, Lesson 4a: "You put your your left leg in...."
Mark Starling, London

What is one of those phrases that Donald Rumsfeld would have wished he hadn't said, if he had in fact said it, though he thought he almost said but didn't?
Trevor Mercer, Castleford

All wrong. The correct question was what is the description of the activities of the male cowbird in synchronising their vocals and movements.

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THURSDAY

Thursday's answer is "MONA LISA SMILE"

Entries are now closed. Wrong entries included:

Just the thought of that daft helicopter design made...
John Perrett, London

In future, when Samantha Marson feels a joke coming on, what device should she employ to show the world that she's thought of something funny but isn't going to tell everyone?
Doug Smith, Bath

Besides an LBQ key ring what else has been described as unobtainable, priceless and unique?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK

What is the most expression one can muster after too much Botox?
Teri, Far Hills, NJ, US

What do you call the long queue outside the Louvre Gallery?
Mike , Plymouth

What is the Paris equivalent of the 'Glasgow Kiss'
Richard, Luton

What disarmed the Venus de Milo?
Helene Parry, Twickenham

Rolf Harris - "Can you guess what it is yet?"
Garry Rucklidge, Oldmeldrum, Aberdeenshire

I'm a small noise. Confused?
Norman Dawes, Bury St Edmunds, UK

What is Michael Howard's most "something of the night" feature?
Steve, Brighton

How will the downgrading of cannabis affect our society?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle, UK

Which LBQ almost got me arrested at the Internet Cafe at Orlando Airport because it contained an anagram of the word 'Osama'?
Ian Watson, Orlando Airport, Florida

The opening line in Mel Gibson's new Jesus film, in ancient Aramaic, is: 'Elims asil anom!' Which, extraordinarily, backwards, spells what?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

What is the technical term for a figure of speech comparing someone to a painting? No, wait ...
Keith, Kingston UK

How might you express the gentle seeping effect?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

People SMSing around the world now know the characters :u) as what?
Andrew Hardy, Nottingham

What would a dentist suggest as an alternative to expensive bridge work?
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

Mix up La Giaconda and the Laughing Cavalier and you get what?
David Gorton, Oldbury, UK

My sister, Lisa, was stranded at Rome airport. What did a passing official say to cheer her up?
Peter Niven, Inverness

What phrase did Leonardo da Vinci finally grow tired of saying before finally painting her as she was?
Gary Feldman, London, UK

What goes with Betty Davies eyes ?
Daniel Ward, Eastbourne, UK

The new Italian-backed council in Blackpool has renamed the prom as the... No, wait
Paul Boden, Mansfield

All wrong. The correct question was what is the name of the film over which Julia Roberts and her production company are being sued by female jazz musicians who claim sex discrimination.

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WEDNESDAY

Wednesday's answer is "A PAIR OF SMALL BOOTS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What proves that Paddington was not bare?
David Lawrence, Bern, Switzerland

What might be my net gain after leaving my deposit at a sperm bank?
Matt H, Dorset

I'm in my 30s, so what will I be able to buy with the grand total of my retirement funds?
Tim Francis-Wright, Boston, US

When switching on your PC, instead of a long single initialization process, what could you use?
Dave, Cheltenham

What does this mean in SMS speak (.)(.) no wait ..
Andy Donaldosn, London

What are 5a Bridge Street, Aberaeron and 11 Commercial Street, Aberdare?
Laurie, Alcester

Having retrieved your photos from the chemist, you dart into a damp shop doorway and hurriedly rifle through the prints one by one, hoping to magically rekindle memories of a recent holiday. Instead, what do you see?
Dan Swanmore, Bury St Edmunds, UK

What turns a village into a town?
Alan Durward, Edinburgh

What's the scariest present a girl can give a guy on Valentine's Day?
Annie, UK

On what might you find kitten heels?
Sam, Stockport

How might a Geordie summarise the Oxford / Cambridge race?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

After my church was converted into a WH Smith,Top Shop and Miss Selfridge, what are they going to convert the two parish rooms into?
Richard R, Leamington Spa

Where can I find two tongues that will never gossip?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

When you get home in the evening, what telltale sign usually gives away the fact that you have a visiting Ewok?
Tim G, London, UK

What is the opposite of a single giant stilletto?
Sarah, Thetford

What was rejected in favour of the ruby slippers in the Wizard of Oz?
Daniel Ward, Eastbourne, UK

What is the cat wearing in the current Lilliput pantomime?
Caroline, Berks

Your local large pharmacy may be replaced with what?
Sarah, Maidenhead

You know what they say about men with small feet...
Steph, London

In the game of 'Clothes Poker' what is the lowest winning hand?
Andy Cottier, London

Memo to LBQ editor from Greg Dyke:
Recent LBQs have been rather risque. Please could you suggest an answer with no potential for innuendo?
Jeff Hill, UK

What would silicone heel implants improve?
Stuart C, Cardiff, Wales

What can two Minis be said to have?
Jon Stone, Bath

So far what has been the most obvious smutty 'no wait' LBQ ?
Barry, Bromley

All wrong. The correct question was what, belonging to a garden gnome, was left beside a New Zealand railway line wrongly convincing a train driver that he had run over a child.

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TUESDAY

Tuesday's answer is "CAFES, BARS, RESTAURANTS AND HOUSES"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What has replaced the local branch of your bank?
Peter Aitken, Scotland

On a typical day, where does Deputy PM John Prescott have his four meals: breakfast, lunch, dinner and late supper?
Neil Aust, Guildford, UK

OK, fastest finger first. Starting with the least expensive, put the following in order of the average cost to buy:
a) Bars
b) Restaurants
c) Cafes
d) Houses
Pete Wood, Swindon

Milton Keynes. Discuss.
Ed, Plymouth, UK

If I'm not a cloned baby, where are the four likeliest paces that I might have been conceived?
Phil Welch, London

First there was EasyJet, then EasyCar, and EasyCinema. Now what?
Mark Shipley, Leyland, Lancashire, UK

Old London song - gentrified version:
Now it really is a very pretty garden.
And Chingford on the eastward can be seen.
With a ladder and some glasses
You can see to Hackney Marshes,
If it wasn't for the
_____, ____, ___________ ___ ______ in between.
Kip, Norwich, UK

And Bush's future plan for Mars includes ...
Sarah, Thetford

"Hello - I'd like to confirm my availability for the new series of "I'm A Celebrity"... yes, I'm quite prepared to rough it... yes, I understand it will be hard going... special requirements? Well, yes, I have a few listed here..."
Ed, Plymouth, UK

In the Town Planners' edition of Monopoly, what must be built in a ratio of 2:4:5:128, before an application to build a hotel may be submitted?
David Edwards, Bury St Edmunds

What would a lazy spoof version of "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" be called?
Steve, Brighton

Where can you buy cannabis without fear of prosecution?
Richard Sockett, Sheffield, England

Where do you go to my lovely?
Dan Swanmore, Bury St Edmunds, UK

Which solicitors' firm has the weirdest name?
Gary Feldman, London UK

What did Gulliver find down the back of his sofa?
Si Griffin, London, UK

Where are you likely to find Kilroy from now on?
Jon Keen, Sandhurst

Where can I get a coffee round here?
Neil Webber, Bristol

Rank the predominant features to be found in central Paris, most common first.
Suz, Paris

Nasa's Moon Base Priority Building List ?
Peter Niven, Inverness

Where are the best places to use John Cage's tune as background music?
Jon Keen, Sandhurst

The John Prescott campaign trail starts here...
Geoff Spick, Bournemouth

With wireless internet access, where will you be able to access the LBQ from?
Martin, Harlow

"These are a few of my favourite things". Julie Andrews for the suburban age.
Dave Furtwangler, Oxford

Where do The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover live?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle, UK

What shall we replace all the useful shops with?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

List all the places in New York where you cannot smoke.
Rob Cruickshanks, Edinburgh

In Ghettopoly, what are the available properties? (for looting, vandalising, etc.)
Graham Triggs, London, UK

What are the plurals of cafe, bar, restaurant and house?
Jeff, UK

All wrong. The correct question was what have parts of churches in England been converted into, a process which could be accelerated under plans to amend church laws.

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MONDAY

Monday's answer is "THE GENTLE SEEPING EFFECT"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What might a nip and tuck might help to cure?
Candace, New Jersey, US

The BBC Online News Magazine jingle?
Lyn Hallett, Surrey, UK

What can be caused by Jack Straw's favourite joke?
Claire, Southampton

How have scientists described the manner in which LBQ seem to grow in importance to your daily routine?
Sean, Leamington Spa

What is causing the gentle seeping?
Jim, Carlisle

I have knocke over a cup of coffffee on my keyboar an now the letter won't work, i'm concerne because the ff is now also not ffunctioning correctly, what is the correct term ffor this problem?
Phil, Nimes, France

Intermediate SFX test - question 8: what must precede a dam bursting?
Lyn Hallett, Surrey, UK

Spin is dead. In future, government leaks will be described as what?
Peter, Maidenhead, UK

What's that audience noise during the performance of John Cage's 4'33"? No, wait...
Brian Ritchie, Oxford, UK

The estate agents lexicon defines rising damp as?
Robin, Herts

What is the politically correct name for Chinese water torture?
Si Griffin, London, UK

Economists are re-branding the trickle-down effect as?
Robin, Herts

Definition of having to repeat everything twice:
Him: nagging
Her: ____________
Lyn Hallett, Surrey, UK

How wasn't the Universe formed?
Jane Willis, Fleet

What tells you that your meal is ready in the new Gentlesee Microwave?
Phil Sears, Dorking

How did that get there?!
SL, London

What's the worst sensation you can have when you've just sat down on a tube train?
Liz, London

If not a flood of enthusiasm, how would you describe London's Olympic bid?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

On mornings like this, what tells me it's time to buy new shoes?
Peter Niven, Inverness

When I was a student, I used to blow all my money in one go. What happens to it now?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

Tender loving osmosis?
Doug Smith, Bath, UK

What's a lot more gentle than the harsher "harsh seeping effect"?
Andy Cottier, London

How did the White Star Line marketing director describe the state of the Titanic to his fellow passengers?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

How did Mike Yeaman feel when he won the LBQ keyring?
Dougie Lawson, Basingstoke, UK

A combination of the weekend's rain and a leaky gutter has given me a lovely water feature with a what in my front room?
Bria, Glasgow

The GSE Syndrome describes the effects 'wife & kids' have on my income. What does GSE stand for?
Dom Cook, Windsor

What is the name of the phenomena of non-Jewish people dozing off in a Synagogue. Oh no wait...
Steve Chandler, Cambridge

All wrong. The correct question was what is it about drizzle that makes it fill up reservoirs that a downpour does not have, explaining why despite six weeks' heavy rain the UK's water reserves are not where they should be.