[an error occurred while processing this directive]
BBC News
watch One-Minute World News
Last Updated: Monday, 21 July, 2003, 17:06 GMT 18:06 UK
He's back! Archer II, the plot is up to you
Fresh out of prison today, Jeffrey Archer's life has already taken more twists and turns than a story-line from one of his notorious novels. So what next? We want you to help write the plot-line worthy of Britain's most colourful cad.

It's often said that Jeffrey Archer's life reads like a novel, and not just because great chunks of the story are fiction.

Now, with his release from prison, Archer is at a watershed in his life. What will he do next? Pundits have already sketched out a future for the errant peer. For example, Max Clifford has suggested he host a game show called What's My Lie.

This is your chance to help develop a plot-line for the next chapter of Lord Archer's life; the more imaginative, the better. You don't have to be a great writer, it's the plot we are interested in rather than fancy prose.

Just send us a sentence or two. (Entries are now closed).

The fantasy plot will develop throughout the day, so be sure to return to this page to see the latest twist, before sending in your entry.


But before you start, it's worth recalling some of the extraordinary highs and lows; truths, lies and half-truths, of Jeffrey Archer's life so far.

  • Born in 1940, in London, not Somerset as he once claimed.
  • Became an accomplished runner, trained in the army, served as police constable and worked as PE master.
  • Went to Oxford (university or department of education, depending on who you believe) allegedly on back of false qualifications
  • Elected MP in 1969 (but not the youngest ever, as he allegedly liked to claim)
  • Almost bankrupted in 1974 and resigned as MP
  • Published first novel, Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less; went on to earn millions from books
  • Appointed deputy chairman of Conservative party in 1985
  • Resigned after allegations he paid 2,000 to sleep with prostitute
  • Sued Daily Star over allegations and won 500,000
  • Received peerage in 1992
  • Won Tory candidacy for Mayor of London then forced to withdraw
  • Starred in own play, The Accused
  • Found guilty on two counts of perjury; sentenced to four years' prison

The plot so far (entries are now closed):

On a crisp July morning, Jeffrey Archer drew a sharp breath before embarking on the next chapter of his life. In the forecourt of HMP Hollesley Bay, he slid into the passenger seat of the family BMW and was whisked away to freedom...

...Jeffrey's wife Mary closed the front door of the Old Vicarage behind him, finally shutting the motorcycle paparazzi outside. She did not embrace him. Unusual stress lines showed on her surgically smoothed face. "Jeffrey, there's someone to see you..."
Posted by Jon Green, UK

...A hunched silhouette appeared in the sunlit doorway at the bottom of the gloomy hall. "Ah, Jeffrey." Margaret's voice quieter than he recalled, but distinctive as ever. "I think there's something we need to discuss, isn't there?"...
Posted by Alice, UK

..."Mary can you excuse us please," Lord Archer said to his wife without averting his gaze from the ghostly silhouette in the darkness of the doorway. "Jeffrey you need to come with me, everything is in place. There will be a car here to collect us in 15 mins to take us to...
Posted by Craig Walker, England

...the auditions for the next 'I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here' show. As the venue this season is Dartmoor, the producers felt you could contribute your knowledge of altered utensils, methods for obtaining guards' favours, and so forth"...
Posted by Lynn C, USA

..."Yes," said Jeffrey, his vertically creased brow furrowed in intensity "as a former Colditz escapee, I'll be able to provide some useful hints." He turned to Mary, "Darling, I need that list of everyone who connived in or took pleasure in my downfall." Mary passed him the London telephone directory...
Posted by Austin Lynch, Ireland

...Stepping gently on to it, Jeffrey was able to reach the clips at the rear of Margaret's ears. "My God", he whispered, "if they ever found out that the Thatcherov was a Soviet spy robot..."
Posted by Chris Ferris, England

..."It's ok darling," Mary replied, "everyone knows she was taken from active service and replaced by the Blairski. However since you have been away, that model seems to be self-destructing." Just then the phone rang. It was Alan Titchmarsh...
Posted by Mark, Dubai, UAE

..."Jeffrey," Alan said. "Sorry, I couldn't be there when you came out, but how do you like the job Ground Force did in your garden?" "What?" Jeffrey shouted, running to the bay window. "Are you still there Jeffrey?" Alan continued, his voice amplified by the speakerphone. "It's amazing what you dig up sometimes..."
Posted by Frank Manigrasso, UK

...Archer turned white as a sheet. Through the window he could see the exposed entrance to his underground bunker. The door was open, and through the morning mist emerged millions of monkeys, all clutching laptop computers. "Damn," uttered Archer, "there goes my bestseller machine!"...
Posted by Paul Bird, UK

...Marshalling as many monkeys as he could, Archer set off after the machine on his moped, with seven monkeys in the sidecar. Despite his anxiety about the bestseller machine, Archer began to enjoy himself. "This takes me back," he mused...
Posted by Al, UK

..."to the time when I single handedly saved London from the plague of rare Abyssinian rat-monkeys that threatened to overthrow the Thatcher government in the wake of the Falklands crisis... and I invented the internet as well" he rambled, before a passing woodlouse remarked "Wasn't that Al Gore?"...
Posted by Mark Douglas, Scotland

..."No, he was my running mate in the last US election. Would've won too, if it hadn't been for that damn cheat Bush. Sometimes I get the feeling there's no honesty left in the world. Monkey - pass me that laptop, I feel a story coming on..."
Posted by Jeremy Sloan, UK

... "Hang on, Jeff," said his fellow Winchester educated monkey, "what's this here?" The lap-top had opened at a genealogical chart that Archer had been preparing in prison. A flurry of spidery lines marked out his connections to the cream of British society: distant cousin of the Queen, third hereditary under-butler at Claridges, and more. One link, however, had foxed him. Then, as he tore past Blenheim palace, the truth dawned: he was Churchill's youngest brother and therefore the son of an American citizen. As he hurtled down the road, clad in gibbering monkeys, he realised he was going to claim his birthright. He, Jeffrey Mountbatten Archer, would enter US politics and, by drawing on his British and American blue blood, would unite the two greatest empires in history in one English-speaking nation. He was already a master of the English language, it was only fitting that he should help master the Worldwide English Nation.
Posted by David Stockley, UK

Time, if not logic, has caught up with us. Thank you to everyone who took part in the online story today.


News Front Page | Africa | Americas | Asia-Pacific | Europe | Middle East | South Asia
UK | Business | Entertainment | Science/Nature | Technology | Health
Have Your Say | In Pictures | Week at a Glance | Country Profiles | In Depth | Programmes
Americas Africa Europe Middle East South Asia Asia Pacific