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Last Updated: Friday, 11 July, 2003, 09:24 GMT 10:24 UK
Going Loco - your bizarre train tales
GOING LOCO
Going Loco is a hunt for your bizarre tales from the railways
Send your story at the bottom of this page
Jon Yuill, BBC News Online's Rail Commuters' Champ, would like to announce the arrival of Going Loco, a collection of your bizarre and barmy train tales.

It's been a little while since I sent out the request for your amusing rail stories, but working through your tales has been a rare insight into our collective experience of Britain's railways.

Thanks for all your entries. Some had me collapsing into fits of laughter, while others were of a more gentle wit.

I've arranged them into themes and will be publishing the best of them over the coming weeks. You can read the first batch below.

If nothing else, I hope they'll raise a chuckle and help brighten your day. It's not too late to send in your stories - use the form at the bottom of this page.

Today's theme is animals. From your responses, I'd say if the rail bosses spent a bit of time tethering loose livestock, they could have this delays difficulty licked.

    Travelling to a job interview from Scotland to London early one morning, I dozed off and slowly awoke to find the train sitting in the middle of fields. An announcement came over that someone had let the cows out of a field on to the tracks, and that the crew were trying to chase them back. About half an hour later, they had gone. But we still didn't move and a further announcement told us someone had let the cows back out again.
    Catriona Cory

So while we the commuters are stuck in cattle trucks...

    A few years back the train from London to Manchester ground to a halt somewhere in the Midlands. Eventually it transpired the cause of the delay was a cow on the track. Then to everyone's astonishment, the train's staff began walking through all of the carriages, asking for paying passengers to help them move the cow from the tracks.
    Anonymous

It's not just cows. Ann Bryson's story, below, reminds us that when it comes to horsing around, the train bosses are not always to blame.

    Merseyrail's most excusable delay - a horse on the line. Station staff gave us 10 minutes' excellent entertainment as they tried to capture it. They tried to take it to the waiting room while the horse wanted to go up the steps to the overbridge. Sadly, the train drew out before we saw the outcome.
    Ann Bryson

Judging by your entries, there seem to be quite a few guards, or "train managers" as they liked to be called these days, with ambitions to be stand-up comics. Don't give up the day job lads.

    Christmas Eve on Connex and everyone is heading home on the train out of Victoria. The guard came on the intercom. "Connex wishes you a merry Christmas... happy New Year... and I'd just like to leave you with this thought; Remember, a dog is not just for Chrismas." Long pause. "It's pretty good cold on Boxing Day too."
    Graham

You want exotic, I'll give you exotic. Read on...

    Waiting for a train in Reading in 1993, I think it was, an announcement was that the slow train from Oxford was late due to a llama on the line. (There's an animal park near Pangbourne)
    Andy Watkins

Was Mike Ford on the same train? He also e-mailed to say he had been held up by llamas on the line, near Reading. The next one is a bit yucky, so you've been warned.

    I was travelling back to university with an old girlfriend when a big man got on our train with a mean looking dog and some large bags, which he placed on the overhead luggage shelf. Shortly, I felt a drip on my shoulder which turned into a small torrent. I told the guy I thought he bag was leaking and examined my sodden shoulder, to find a redy-brown smelly liquid. The guy said: "I don't think you want to know what that was." It turned out he was carrying a huge amount of frozen meat and tripe for the dog, and it had started to thaw.
    Richard Dickinson

Hmmm, think I'll go veggie tonight. Finally, I give you this hillarious tale from Steve Bruce. It sounds almost too good to be true, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt Steve.

    Some years ago a friend and I were travelling from Sheffield to Barnsley when the train ground to a halt. The guard explained there was a cow on the line. My friend asked the guard, why it couldn't just be picked up and thrown over the hedge, which earned him an odd look. "Are you a farmer?" asked the guard. "No, I'm a graphic designer. What's that got to do with anything?" retorted my friend.

    He was getting some very strange looks from other passengers. "They don't move by themselves," continued my friend, who has always had a bit of a warped sense of humour. He was soon locked in an exchange with an elderly lady who took issue with this statement.

    All of a sudden we heard an almighty bang and a train coming the other way thundered past, having smashed into the cow. "Brilliant," says my friend, "I hope that knocked the stuffing out it." His heartlessness really irritated other passengers and when we finally got to Barnsley two ladies gave him a dressing down. As we walked to the pub, I said I hope it didn't suffer too much. "What suffered?" he asked. "The cow on the line," I said. "A cow! It was a cow!" he shouted. He looked mortified with embarrassment. "For God's sake, I thought he said couch!"
    Steve Bruce


Send your entries using the form below, and we will feature the best. Please include a phone number where we can contact you.

Name
Your e-mail address
Phone contact
Your tale

Disclaimer: The BBC may edit your comments and cannot guarantee that all e-mails will be published.




SEE ALSO:
Hungry ferret causes rail scare
19 May 03  |  Leicestershire


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