Students think their lecturers are stuck-up, disorganised, unpunctual, unfunny, badly dressed and too desperate to be "hip", a poll suggests.
Time for a change of image?
The responses from 648 students found many thought academics were "snooty" and had "objectionable facial hair".
But an Association of University Teachers spokesman said lecturers and students had a "healthy relationship".
The survey, which asked students to vent their grievances, was published in the Times Higher Education Supplement.
Students complained that academics failed to turn up to lectures - and assumed that undergraduates were lazy.
Academics' "inadequate" essay feedback and poor information technology skills were also criticised.
The poll suggests that many students find their lecturers' attempts at being trendy insufferable.
One said: "They pick up 'street' information from the media and decide they understand today's youth. It is pathetic to talk about these things to us in the hope of seeming knowledgeable and cool."
Another said: "They try to be funny - I'm not at clown college."
One particularly aggrieved student said: "They always look down on students, they always judge and have a lack of hygiene... most discussions in seminars revolve around the academic's new book.
"In short, every aspect of their measly little lives irritates me."
The Association of University Teachers spokesman said: "Academics would probably question the rigorousness of a survey that merely invites negative comments, rather than looks for any kind of results.
"A failure to ask whether or not students are actually happy with their tuition and support from lecturers suggests the truth is closer to what we know - that lecturers and students enjoy a healthy relationship based on mutual respect, and will continue to do so."
The poll was conducted earlier this month by market research firm Opinionpanel Research.