"Someone gave a disc containing confidential information about 25 million people to a bloke on a bike? And he lost it?"
Alice Miles, writing in the Times, sums up the outrage and disbelief over the security breach at Revenue and Customs.
The Daily Mail says it is a case of "sheer, mind-blowing incompetence and stupidity... in a class of its own".
The Daily Telegraph describes it as "the mother of all starter-kits for identity thieves".
The Guardian says the loss of 25 million personal records is "the most fundamental breach of faith between the state and citizen".
The paper describes how MPs gasped when Chancellor Alistair Darling told the Commons about the blunder.
The Independent says seven million families are having to make urgent checks on their bank accounts.
The prime minister and his "embattled" chancellor were counting the cost to their reputations, the paper adds.
England football coach Steve McClaren could replace Alistair Darling as the papers' "human dartboard", suggests the Daily Mail.
The Daily Express calls him "Mac the Knife" for dropping David Beckham and Paul Robinson for the Croatia match.
The Mail's football correspondent Matt Lawton says McClaren has made two of the biggest calls of his career.
If he gets it wrong he could be sacked before he makes it back to the dressing room, the writer adds.
The papers' graphic artists have done their best to represent the fearsome Jaekeloptoterus rhenaniae.
Scientists say the 8ft-long scorpion terrorised the seas some 400 million years ago.
The Guardian says the discovery of a giant fossilised claw is enough to give arachnophobes "the heebie-jeebies".
The Sun depicts a giant scorpion rising from the sea depths towards an unwitting woman swimmer, with the headline "Claws".