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Last Updated: Sunday, 1 April 2007, 12:41 GMT 13:41 UK
Fooling around on Fleet Street
London is to share the 2012 Olympic games with its nearest rival Paris, according to a broadsheet newspaper.

Man celebrating London's Olympic success
Is London going to say 'bonjour' to the Olympics in 2012?

And in more apparent madness, the Highways Agency is to spend 60m painting double yellow lines on the M6.

Yes, it's that time of year again.

Millions of people woke up on Sunday to the great yearly tradition on Fleet Street: the April Fool's Day joke.

The Daily Mail warns al fresco foodies that firing up the barbecue this summer could cost you 5 for "carbon offsets".

The paper reports that councils across the UK will appoint barbecue inspectors to enter private gardens to check whether any charcoal has been burned.

Offenders who have not pre-purchased their offsets could face a 50 fine.

Barbecue lover Ron Staines, of Kent, is quoted as saying: "I think it's disgraceful... I just don't believe I produce that much CO2, mainly because I usually can't get the thing alight."

Fireworks

The Sunday Telegraph reports that London could "farm out" some events in the 2012 Olympics to Paris, in order to keep costs down.

The Foreign Office has suggested having the opening ceremony in the Stade de France - because the French are "very good at fireworks" - and getting athletes to warm up on Eurostar trains.

Double yellow lines
Double yellow lines are to be painted on the M6... or are they?

The proposals are welcomed by the spokeswoman for the original Paris bid for the Olympics - a certain Avril Bouffoniere.

Meanwhile The People claims that double yellow lines will be painted in both directions of the 226-mile long M6 motorway.

Road chiefs will spend 60m and 12 weeks marking the hard shoulders with 16,000 gallons of yellow paint.

The work will reportedly begin next February, causing traffic chaos between Junction 1 near Rugby, Warwickshire, and Junction 44 near the Scottish border.

April Loof, a spokesman for the Drivers' Alliance fumed: "It's an outrageous waste of public money. The yellow lines will penalise people who desperately need the loo."

Prime Minister Tony Blair will turn to acting when he departs Downing Street, the Observer reckons.

He will appear on stage in Arthur Miller's The Crucible, at the request of the Hollywood star, Kevin Spacey.

There is also talk of guest appearances in an Only Fools and Horses Christmas Special and Doctor Who - as a prime minister who goes back in time to correct his past mistakes.




SEE ALSO
Still a good joke - 47 years on
01 Apr 04 |  Southern Counties
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31 Mar 06 |  Africa



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