Cradle to grave online

By BBC News Online's Ryan Dilley

Doctors and priests have long had the monopoly when it comes to giving advice on the hatch, match and dispatch trinity - but can the internet tell you all you need to know about life, cradle to grave?

Finding the right partner is one of life's greatest challenges and the World Wide Web is just the thing for bringing people together.

Many a match has been made in chatrooms, cyber singles' bars and online dating agencies.

Jail birds: Love on the inside

Indeed, the internet has even empowered those safely under lock and key to find love.

Meet-An-Inmate connects lonely surfers to women in correctional facilities in the US. For those impatient to meet these ladies "paying the price", a handy release date is included in their personal info.

Before marrying anyone, Wedding Guide online suggest you complete their "Interactive Mensa Compatibility Test." Past criminal convictions are less of a barrier to happiness than not being able to do square roots, it seems.

Love train

The site also offers advice to grooms on arranging a stag do. A trip on the Orient Express "enjoying champagne and caviar" comes highly recommended - although it's left up to revellers to decide whether to moon fellow passengers or point their posteriors out the train window.

'Think blossom, Peggy.'

For brides who can't tell a kitten-heeled mule from a cloned sheep, Confetti offers an online guide to wedding dresses for every season. "Think blossom," it tells spring brides.

Like the tango, marriage takes two. But for those whose wedded bliss is more akin to line dancing, the internet bristles with polygamy sites.

If matrimony - even with a single partner - turns to acrimony, the net can suggest at least 50 ways to leave your lover.

For £59.99, Freeserve's desktop lawyer will walk you through the process of an undefended divorce.

Splitting up

If your D.I.V.O.R.C.E is anything but smooth, many support groups and charities have an online presence.

Cyberspace also offers the opportunity to work out all those frustrations. One divorcee warns his visitors against marriage: "It gives lawyers a licence to rob you!"

Babies in cyberspace

Provided you marriage lasts beyond the reception party - thoughts may turn to starting a family.

StorkNet gives you a week-by-week guide to pregnancy - even coyly describing the run-up to conception for those couples still in doubt and sage advice to stay away from "toxic materials".

Of course every pregnancy is different, and like the web sites which instruct you on how to make mustard gas, it's "presented for educational and entertainment purposes".

After 40 weeks of folic acid and "inspirational thoughts", there are plenty of virtual ways to spread the good news about the latest addition to your family.

Eyes on storks

For those who balk at posting their birth videos on the web, there are numerous companies willing to help you set up a new site for your ankle-biter.

The latest pictures of your baby can be enjoyed by friends and relatives around the world, in a host of tasteful, ready-made templates.

Stop the clock: Time ran out for John Denver

The miracle of birth serves to remind parents of the cycle of life. While pondering your mortality, it might be worth fitting your thoughts into a definite time frame.

Deathclock.com, given just a few personal details, estimates just how long you have before the Grim Reaper comes to call.

Before you light up a cigar and stop using padestrian crossings, the scientific five-answer questionaire does have its limitations.

According to Deathclock, the late country singer John Denver still has 558,896,686 seconds left to wander the roads of West Virginia.

Deadly serious

Provided you have sufficient time left, the National Death Centre's web site can help you organise a funeral to die for.

Committed to improving the "quality of dying", the site gives advice on donating your body; what's hot and what's not in crematoria; and opens the great handle coffin debate - rope or brass.

Funerals: A grave matter

Once planted - be it in an eco-friendly cardboard coffin or a deluxe polytainer - how will you be remembered?

Sites like the World Wide Cemetery give your bereaved the chance to pay their respects at a virtual memorial, rather than clambering around your real grave.

They can even leave virtual flowers - presumably denying cheapsake Romeos their favourite source of Valentine's gifts, the nicked bouquet.