Have family meals gone out of fashion?

By Margaret Ryan
BBC News

As the government plans a national tour to promote its Respect Agenda, published last month, the BBC News website examines the importance of the family meal for fostering respect.

Not all families have time to sit down together

The days of families sitting down together every evening for a meal are often said to be long gone and their demise is sometimes seen as symptomatic of the breakdown in family life.

Can it also have led to a decline in respect between generations?

Columnists, parenting experts and even government ministers have decried the decline in families sitting down together for a hearty meal and a chat about the day's events.

When Tony Blair put "respect" at the heart of the government's agenda for its third term, his Home Office minister Hazel Blears said getting families to eat together was a good starting point.

Various studies have suggested a link between fewer family meals and eating disorders, obesity, drug and alcohol abuse and poor communication skills among young people.

Family fragmentation

Many have expressed concern about a culture of microwave dinners eaten in bedrooms and meals on the run and feel it is symptomatic of the fragmentation of modern families and at worst at least partly responsible for anti-social behaviour by young people.

But sociologist Anne Murcott said we often make assumptions the family meal is in decline without firm evidence.

While there have been snapshot surveys and market research studies, she found no single academic research study examining how often families ate together.

"People don't appreciate that a statement that family meals are in decline needs evidence because it repeated so often.

"Because it is repeated though does not mean it is true," she said.

Positive values

She said the government was as guilty as anyone in making assumptions without checking if this was borne out by facts.

Putting a meal together is definitely something they [parents] still value but it is often impossible to do on a daily basis Kathryn Milburn, professor of sociology

But there is undoubtedly genuine concern about the issue.

The parenting organisation Raisingkids is so concerned it is running a Back to the Table campaign to get families eating together again.

Dr Pat Spungin, a psychologist and founder of Raisingkids, is convinced of the merits of families eating together to help combat anti-social behaviour.

She said mealtimes provided an important place where parents could pass on positive values on a daily basis.

"If there is no place for teenagers to anchor their values they will turn to their peer group.

"If this is a malign influence then this will have worrying consequences," she said.

Dr Spungin said studies in the US had consistently highlighted the merits of families eating together.

The Centre for Alcohol and Substance Abuse had found in surveys conducted since 1996 that children who do not eat dinner with their families are 61% more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs.

Teenagers who eat frequent family dinners were less likely to have sex at young ages, get into fights, or be suspended from school, its study suggested.

She believes eating habits of families do reflect changes in society, citing how in the 1950s women tended to stay at home and, conscious of fuel bills and food costs, made one meal for the whole family to be eaten at one sitting.

Mealtime aspirations

Kathryn Milburn, professor of sociology of families and health, believes modern mothers find it very difficult to ensure an old-fashioned cooked meal at a set time.

She said: "There is so much pressure on women to be all singing all dancing.

"They are out in the labour market and trying to do other things like supervising children's homework. They face many demands.

Formal family meals are not an everyday occurrence

"Women are very concerned to provide their families with decent meals.

"I completely understand they have to go down the convenience food route."

She has not studied the knock-on effects that not having meals as a family may have on anti-social behaviour but has examined competing pressures on parents.

"If they don't manage to sit down as family every evening it is hardly surprising," said Ms Milburn, who is co-director of the Centre for Research on families and relationships based at Edinburgh University.

"Putting a meal together is definitely something they still value but it is often impossible to do on a daily basis."

Justine Roberts, co-founder of the parenting website netmums.com, agrees.

She said: "One or both parents are not getting home until after bedtime. There is no prospect of an evening meal.

"Most people aspire to it and think it a good thing but it gets relegated to weekends."

But to blame a decline in mealtimes to an increase in anti-social behaviour was a "bit trite", she said.

"It's just another catchy thing to make parents feel guilty. It's just not that simple," she said.