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EDITIONS
Friday, 23 August, 2002, 14:25 GMT 15:25 UK
Planet Tabloid's Festival of Silly Season Fun
Welcome to Planet Tabloid's annual festival of silly season fun! It's your chance to vote on which story is rightfully big news.

Week by week, regular as clockwork, Planet Tabloid bravely charts the goings on which may not make it into the mainstream news agenda.

But special times call for special measures, and that's why each summer we have our festival of silly season fun in which you, the reader, can vote for your favourite story.

And as a special treat for addicts to our weekly pun-writing challenge, Punorama, your chance to join in is at the bottom of the page.

So here are the stories to choose from. You, as they say, decide.

1) Feast your eyes on the 60lb supermodel that beats Cindy, Kate and Naomi. With her bloodshot eyes, sturdy 32-32-32 figure and pug nose, Zelda the bulldog earns more than all three put together with her line of novelty greeting cards.

Blair and Leo
Tony Blair chose to cover up this time
2) King Kong-ometer: As Tony Blair flashes a bit of chest hair while on holiday in France (earning himself four out of 10 on the King Kong-ometer), here are other famous men with their tops off. Does chest hair hirsute them?

3) Fancy Liz Hurley? She's in all the papers flaunting her wares but nowhere as graphically as in the Express. For to demonstrate how beer goggles can impair your judgement, the tab plays around with Photoshop to show how Waynetta Slob can morph into the yummy mummy herself.

4) When the sun shines, the celebs hit the beach. So do the photographers. Many of them (the celebs) look a bit ropey in their cozzies. So here's some pics they (the snappers) took of star men and their bellies. Yes, even Mel Gibson is tum bathing.

Dame Judi
Dami Judi laughed off the soaking
5) Dame Judi Drench. The Oscar winning actress not normally known for her champagne lifestyle got up close and personal with a bottle of bubbly. A frame-by-frame account of when Dame Judi smashed a bottle against a ship she was naming, only to be soaked by the contents.

6) A gold ring lost by a housewife 27 years ago has turned up INSIDE an apple, which was being eaten by a 12-year-old girl. Experts say a magpie could have left the ring on a tree, and the apple might have grown around it. Amazing.

 VOTE RESULTS
Choose your favourite story

Supermodel Zelda the Bulldog
 8.35% 

Tony Blair, king of chest hair
 6.02% 

The Liz Hurley beer goggles challenge
 19.98% 

Star men and their star bellies
 5.43% 

Dame Judi Drench
 11.99% 

The apple cor!
 48.24% 

1677 Votes Cast

Results are indicative and may not reflect public opinion

Before we take our leave, here are some notable entries in last week's pun contest. We asked you to submit a gem of a pun how cops in North Wales - the wettest part of the UK - will soon be armed with sunscreen.

"Phew, water scorcher," said Tim. "UV been nicked," said Chris Davies. "Copper tone coppers? You're having a taff," said Philip Telford. "In search of welsh rarebit of sun," said Richard Johns.

Good work all. Your homework for the next week is to come up with a pun for the story about the drunken teenager who broke into Newquay zoo and tried to feed melting ice creams to the lions.

Your caption



Your name


Results next week. Tips to competitors: It may be National Slacker Day, but do try not to let your standards slip.


Pit your wits in BBC News Online's weekly news quiz
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It's time again for our weekly caption competitionCaption comp
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Links to more UK stories are at the foot of the page.


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