Amazing Tales from Planet Tabloid

Truth is stranger than fiction

This week a cute puppy called Sam is taught to use sign language and a huge artificial island made out of junk is NOT chosen as the new location for ITV's Survivor. But first the news...

Planet Tabloid regular Susan Wallace - "The Isle of Wight Lizard Lady" has again been attracting a lot of ink this week.

In February Ms Wallace was all over the papers after attacking police officers using her three foot long pet iguana - called Igwig - as a weapon.

Now she has been fined and put on probation.

Lizard Lady

The trouble started when Ms Wallace upset regulars in an Isle of Wight pub by placing the huge reptile on their heads as though it was some sort of hat after she had got drunk.

In court she defended herself by saying that she took Igwig with her wherever she went.

"We sleep together, I roll it up in a towel, I place him at the end of my bed, he crawls out and ends up on my chest at 6am," she explained.

Now she has been whacked for £250 and must also make donations to animal welfare charities.

Igwig: Sleeps on chest

But she will be allowed to keep Igwig. So that's good.

DIET NEWS

Eating plastic is bad for you, and could mean that you are mad if you do it, the Mirror reveals this week.

The advice centres on the case of Brighton office worker John Carey who eats around 200 biros a month.

The unrepentant pen-muncher told the paper he has been eating pens for five year, adding: "It became a habit that spiralled out of control.

"I do it all the time but it gets worse when I'm stressed and under pressure. When my colleagues would say, 'I'm dying for a fag,' I'd say, 'I'm dying for a pen'."

Mr Carey says he prefers clear plastic pens because they are "more chewy" than the opaque ones.

He hopes to give up the habit, however, and is now being helped by a hypnotist who specializes in treating pen chewing and related infirmities.

GOING TO THE DOGS

A deaf puppy is being taught sign language if the Daily Mail is to believed.

The muddle follows news that a Shropshire collie-breed sheep-puppy Sam has gone deaf making him "useless as a working dog".

A local woman, Margaret Jones, then decided to teach the poor creature "sign language" - ie not the normal pointing, waving and threatening involved in trying to communicate with dogs but rather the system of sign language used by hearing impaired humans.

This produced a terrific headline and a picture opportunity.

But closer inspect reveals that the "sign language" consists mostly of vague pointing gestures. There is in fact no indication that Sam himself has mastered any of the complex fingering routines required for sign-language fluency.

HORRIFIC ACCIDENT OF THE WEEK

For male readers of Planet Tabloid, the thought of getting one's marriage tackle trapped in a fence would surely bring tears to the eyes.

Ouch...

But think how much worse it must be if you are a hedgehog. Yet that is exactly what happened to one poor creature in Holland.

According to the Twentse Courant Tubantia newspaper, the hedgehog got into trouble after trying to mate with a girl hedgehog through a fence.

He then got stuck. Vets tried to reduce the swelling with ice packs.

But to no avail. The creature was eventually set free. But he was then put down - also by vets - even before he had chance to learn sign language.

A Middlesbrough man living in Mexico has built an island out of 300,000 plastic bottles, reports the Mirror.

Nobody knows what made him do it. But there you go.

Survivor Island (series I): A pile of junk?

Teesider Richie Sowa's creation is held together with fishing nets, bamboo and plywood, measures 20m by 16m floating island and has its own beaches.

He has described the floating pile of worthless junk as "modern Noah's Ark". It is anchored off the coast and, so far as anybody knows, has not yet been used as a location for the ITV reality game show Survivor...

... yet.

---

Keep your eyes peeled for strange happenings on Planet Tabloid or Planet Lifestyle, and inform the authorities by submitting them with the form below.