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Friday, 8 June, 2001, 17:20 GMT 18:20 UK
Amazing tales from Planet Tabloid
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News that is out of this world...
This week a man with a moth stuck inside his head, 'singles' holidays where punters end up in a room on their own, a man who can't tell milk from drain cleaning fluid. But first...

Burning Issue of the Week

Q: Should grumpy headmistress Cauthar Tooley be allowed to sack flirty Big Brother school teacher Penny for being too sexy on TV, they ask.

A: Of course not, get a life Mrs Tooley, they say.

FISHERMAN'S SHAGGY TALE

A fisherman has told the Cambridge Evening News he has "conclusive proof" that at least one wild tiger is on the loose in East Anglia.

Previously it was thought that tigers did not exist in East Anglia, being mainly found in Bengal, etc.

tiger
Killer prowling East Anglia?

But fisherman Bill Hudson was on "on his way to do a spot of fishing", the paper reports, when he came across "tracks of the mysterious beast".

"I think this is conclusive proof of the Fen Tiger," Fisherman Hudson says. "The tracks are about three inches wide and not like prints of any cat or dog I have ever seen."

The Cambridge Evening News prints all this and then adds blunty: "Sceptics argue the Fen Tiger is a figment of the imagination."

ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS
Scientists in Australia are tackling global warming by giving cows and sheep "anti-farting" injections to reduce the production of greenhouse gases

UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENTS OF THE WEEK

Number One:

Drinking high-fat milk is bad for your health - but drinking neat industrial strength drain-cleaning fluid is even worse if the experiences of an Essex man as reported in the Sun this week are anything to go by.

The Essex man, William Cook, drank Aquaken from a white plastic bottle thinking it was milk. It tasted horrible and, also, poisoned him so badly that he thought he was going to die.


Not to be confused with poisonous cleaning fluid

The man went to hospital where they cured him, partly by getting him to half a bottle of brandy.

Now he's OK again.

But beware - never mix up milk and industrial drain fluid. Or you could end up being pumped full of brandy in an Essex hospital too.

Number Two:

A Berkshire man trying to rescue a cat from under a bush got a moth trapped in his ear, the Sun reported this week.

moth
Bad when flying around inside your skull

Antony Larose, of Windsor, Berkshire, was in excruciating pain after the moth flew into his ear.

All Antony could hear was the beating of the moth's wings against his eardrum. It was eventually removed in a Slough hospital with tweezers.

"All I knew was that something with wings was trapped inside my ear and was doing its best to get out."

"The sensation was just horrific."

But now he too is OK.

LONE LOSER
A man who paid 600 for a singles holiday to Tuscany found he was the only person there, the Daily Mail reports.

"You wouldn't think that a holiday company would arrange a singles holiday for one person," says victim, 46-year-old Mr Rosenvinge.

GREAT EDUCATION DEBATE - ARE PRIVATE SCHOOLS WORTH THE EXTRA FEES?

Pupils at a swanky fee-paying school near Reading sculpted a giant penis from a picket fence in order to ruin a cricket pitch-based prize-giving ceremony, according to the Sunday Mirror.

The pupils are said to have created the penis in the fence on their cricket pitch during the night-time prank.

The head teacher put the prank down to "high jinks" and suspended the culprits.


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