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Friday, 11 May, 2001, 17:06 GMT 18:06 UK
Amazing tales from Planet Tabloid

Legal, honest, decent...
Our regular update from the outer reaches of the news agenda.

BURNING ISSUE OF THE WEEK

Question: Is it OK to listen to Radio 2

Answer: Yes, definitely. "What used to be the bastion of everything dull is now so cool it has overtaken trendy Beeb rival Radio 1" says the Sun.

ANT AND DEC - LATEST

The Sun reveals that both members of this talented TV duo are planning to impersonate podgy piano wizard Elton John on their new TV show. What's more they are planning to do this at the same time.

Life doesn't get much wackier than that.

HOW TO LOOK LIKE ELIZABETH HURLEY

- a step by step by step guide from The Daily Mail.

1) As soon as you get up in the morning, and well before breakfast, drink a large glass of hot water. "It tastes disgusting, but it's fantastic for your digestive system".

2) Take a cold shower. "French women are famous for doing this and have perkier bodies because of it."

3) Apply a fake tan.

4) Pluck your eyebrows with Tweezerman Tweasers. These are the "Rolls-Royce of tweezers".

5) Exercise more.

6) Eat Less. Fattening foods are especially to be avoided. But watch out - this can be difficult.

7) Despite the above, eat more soup. Eating watercress soup is especially important in the whole process of Looking like Elizabeth Hurley.

Highlights of That's Life! magazine's "Psychology Special" section:

  • "It's not so much that happy people smile more - but they definitely frown less."

  • "Shopping addiction has become one of the evils of the modern world" (NB most of rest of magazine devoted to increased shopping activity).

  • "You don't have to be rich or lucky to be happy". But these things definitely help.

  • Quiz - are you happy? If you "strongly agree" with the statements (a) "In most ways my life is close to the ideal" and (b) "the conditions of my life are excellent" then, yes, you are probably happy or, more accurately, "less unhappy".

    HAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT

    Chris Evans the DJ has got a new hat.

    So has his new wife Billie Piper.

    The pair were seen at an airport both wearing hats.

    In case you don't believe such a thing could happen the Daily Star provided a whole page full pictures of Chris Evans and Billie Piper wearing their hats. Other papers did too.

    UNFORTUNATE HEADLINE CLASH OF THE WEEK

    TROUBLE BRUIN...

    TEABAG SHOPLIFTER FACES RAPE CHARGE

    The Mirror ran both headlines on the same page. The first story was about the arrival twin bears at a zoo in Zurich.

    INTERESTING CO-INCIDENCE OF THE WEEK

    A steelworker called David Beckham is going ex-directory because people keep confusing him with David Beckham, the footballer - even though they do not look like each other.

    Beckham the steelworker is 50 years old and a granddad.

    The Sun quotes him as saying: "People often seem disappointed when I turn up for appointments. You can tell they're expecting their hero, not some balding middle-aged steelworker."

    A NATION MOURNS

    Marjorie the chicken, star of hit TV show Big Brother, has died.

    Her death is said to be due to natural causes.

    A PR person for the makers of Big Brother told the Sun: "Unfortunately, Marjorie has died but there will be lots more chickens in the new series."

    Marjorie survived a health scare six weeks into the last series when she was struck down with diarrhoea.

    It all goes to show that even chickens who are TV stars have to die sooner or later.


    Keep your eyes peeled for stories to send to Planet Tabloid. Click here to submit them to us.

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