Amazing tales from Planet Tabloid

Our regular look at the outer reaches of the news agenda and what the papers have got to say throws up yet more amazing tales.

BURNING ISSUE OF THE WEEK

Questions abounded all week about Popstars, ITV's made-up band. Who would win? Would one of them be booted out for having had saucy pictures on a website? Who would be the first to leave? Would the losers make a rival band? Did the blonde one look better with long hair? (This subject will continue for several weeks until the press turns on the Popstars and accuses them of being fabricated.)

HEAVY snorer Mick Madden, 45, has cured his habit - by sticking raw garlic to his nostrils. Partner Shirley Warren, of Huddersfield, West Yorks, said: "Now the bed whiffs of garlic."

Sunday Mirror

Meanwhile the question of at what age should a woman stop wearing mini-skirts has been exercising minds at the Express.

The conclusion is that it depends - Raunchy rocker Tina Turner should "shed her second skin" aged 61, it says.

But - and this may come as something of a shock - even though Kylie Minogue is 32, she still looks good. An amazing revelation.

WORRYING CELEBRITY-SAFETY UPDATE

William Shatner has been boldly groped by a female gorilla (Daily Star).

NATION-OF-ANIMAL-LOVERS DEPARTMENT

Owners of St Bernard dogs are calling for a Chinese trade in the dogs to halt, the Sun reports. Apparently the meat of a St Bernard is particularly "fragrant".

JUST PLAIN WEIRD

Librarians have found a piece of bacon which was being used as a bookmark, the Mirror reports. Other things they have found include condoms and toast.

KURT Briel, 31, insisted on stripping naked at a store in Stuttgart, Germany, to prove he wasn't shoplifting - and was arrested for indecent exposure.

Sunday People

USELESS SURVEY OF THE WEEK

Men who part their hair on the left are more likely to succeed than those who part it on the right, the Express reports that US scientists have found. The proof? Al Gore's parting is on the right. So what about George W Bush's? Seems impossible, but yes, it's on the left. Now THAT's what Planet Tabloid considers proof.

"FAMOUS-FOR-WHAT?" DEPARTMENT

The rise-and-rise of Lady Victoria Hervey continues, mainly in the Sun which calls her "Toff totty Vicky". This week she has been a Page 3 topless model and has limbo-danced in a skimpy dress. Is there nothing she can't do? The Sun had to report, sadly, that although she fancies Prince William she considers herself too old at 24 for him.

EXCUSE FINGERS

A schoolgirl in Massachusetts found a piece of human thumb in the middle of a sandwich. After a search for people with recently missing thumbs, sure enough it was discovered that a worker in the cafeteria had chopped the top of hers off in a vegetable slicer. Thanks to reader Don Davis for reporting it to us.

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