I'm an unlucky guy, and I'll tell you why,
I just bought my kitchen from MFI!
My mortgage was held with the Northern Rock,
All my investments in Lehman Brothers stock.
So Bradford and Bingley were my new chosen investor,
Who procured my shares in Alliance and Leicester.
In financial desperation,
I moved my money to another nation.
So all my cash for a rainy day,
Was lodged with Freddie Mac and Fanny May!
They sold my funds without my knowing,
To keep their bad debt pile from growing.
And now I'm told that my personal pension,
is in a bank I shouldn't mention.
In Belgium where my funds - now not so huge,
Are lodged with Fortisbank in Bruges.
But Gordon Brown is saying 'don't you worry',
Please don't remove your cash in such a hurry.
And now the cash point on the wall,
Advises me I have no cash at all!
But a message on the small display,
Tells me I can have a nice big loan today!
Gary Parker, Slough, UK
I hate this "Credit Crunch";
Hype not reality.
DON'T BANK ON IT!
I started saving money
In a little bank account.
It didn't get much interest
It was such a small amount.
I put a little by each week
I tried to be quite thrifty.
So I would have some savings
When I was not as nifty.
I live a modest lifestyle
To put food on the table.
But prices keep on rising
And soon I won't be able.
I want a house and garden
To give my kids a chance.
But mortgages are crippling
And lenders won't give me a glance.
I'd like to go on holiday
And have a bit of fun,
But prices keep on rising
The credit crunch is on.
Marian Barker, Preston, Lancs
I CANNOT SELL MY FLAT
I cannot sell my flat,
My wages pay no bills,
and Oxfam's full of business people
flocking to the tills.
We can forget the holiday,
We have foregone the car.
I don't think going out to busk
Is taking things too far.
So what are all the powers that be
Planning for salvation?
Short-sighted fecklessness and greed
have blighted this poor nation.
The MPs vote themselves a raise
To top the fortune earned.
Looking down on old Britain's fate,
And fiddle while it burns.
Christina Burton, St Leonards-on-Sea, UK
THE FIRST CASUALTY
The first casualty was Northern Rock
And they blamed it on sub-prime.
Then Fannie May and Lehmans too,
The risk-taking was a crime.
The poor old taxpayer bears the brunt,
So those in charge go free.
Put them in jail without any bail
And throw away the key.
The credit crunch is beginning to bite
And the banks are starting to drown.
I want to know if the problem will grow.
Should we vote for Gordon Brown?
Tim H, UK
It'll be alright.
Christina, Parkstone, UK
The banker sits behind his desk
and looks at me over half-moon specs.
I'm sorry Madam, your loan is frozen.
You'll have to wait for better times.
The credit crunch is here to stay.
Come back next year and then we may
Just lend you some but I'm not sure.
He says as he leads me to the door.
I'm off to have a well earned rest
I pity you and all the rest.
But at lending money I was the best.
Now it's time to take a break,
And spend the gains that I did make.
Jean Rice, UK
Recession's hit us once again,
Much worse than ever before.
And Brown's 'whatever necessary'
Is becoming quite a bore.
One thing must be done quite soon,
Before it is too late.
The Bank of England waken up,
And drop the interest rate.
Petrol food and diesel oil
Is up without a doubt.
Please give us our election,
And get this rabble out.
The Tories must get back in power,
to sort out all this mess.
This is McClown's legacy,
The country in a mess.
When will the sheeple ever learn,
This lesson is a must:
Whenever Labour is in power
it's always 'Boom and Bust'!
Maximus, Boxgrove, UK
AN ODE TO CASH
Remember the days of old,
When all our money was backed by gold?
When you could pay by cash and not direct debit,
Were praised for saving and not using credit?
When people all across the board
spent only what they could afford?
But then we lost our industry and became a lazy nation,
Obsessed with making that fast buck
From financial speculation.
So what are we to do,
Now we are in recession?
We're not just going bust this time,
but heading for a great depression.
Let's consult the executives, economists, politicians too.
Obviously better at finances,
Than little me or you.
Or perhaps i'll call upon my Gran,
She always seen to have a plan.
She saved her life in tins and jars,
Able to boast 'what is ours is ours'.
Before I go I must thank Frank,
Ex-manager of our closed local bank.
For balancing the books over the years,
And not bringing savers to tears.
For looking after my money like it was his own,
Not trying to get rich quick from a loan.
Now Frank and my Gran without being rash,
Offer this advice during the crash
'Simply forget all that credit and deal in hard cash'.
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