Self-harm: One young person speaks out

Teenagers have been given the chance to talk about issues affecting them in a week of special reports on BBC News 24.

Charlotte spoke to Myleene Klass about what it's like to self-harm.

Here's her story.

CHARLOTTE, AGE 17

Watch Charlotte's story here

I started self-harming when I was 13.

One day, I'd had a bad morning at home, arguing with my parents, then I had a fight with a friend.

The bus was always pretty empty. On this day, there were no more than six people on it. I put my coat around the front of me and I started.

It stung at first but it was nothing compared to the hurt I felt inside.

I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, it was just a relief from my frustration - that was the start of my self-harm.

The next day I took out a broken ruler and used it to reopen yesterday's wounds. After that, people started to notice and question me. I told them it was from my straighteners.

I knew they wouldn't believe that for long so I started slicing my arms and tummy with a compass.

No-one could tell as my school uniform was a reliable hiding place. Long sleeved shirts and sweatshirts meant I never really had to show my arms or tummy.

Gradually things seemed to get worse. I went from one cut every week or so, to cutting over and over for five minutes at a time up to 10 times a day.

For me, self-harm led on to other things, such as smoking and binge-drinking, in an attempt to replace my self-harm with a much more widely accepted addiction.

I eventually came to a point where I was numb with all the hurt, physically and mentally. I had no self-respect left and didn't know where to turn. I was broken and willing to try anything and everything.

I asked her to take my blades away as I felt I'd lost control of my cutting and was numb to it

I wanted help but how do you ask for help with something you can't speak about? When the compass wasn't enough I moved to razor blades, they went much deeper and gave a bigger relief, but this only lasted for so long.

I knew I had to tell someone so I trusted in a friend of the family who turned around and told my parents.

After that, my relationship with my parents hit rock bottom. I used to go to a youth club every week, finally someone there noticed I was upset and eventually earnt my trust enough for me to tell her.

She was so understanding and stuck by me in some heartbreaking months that followed.

MORE INFORMATION Self-harm can take many forms, such as cutting, bruising, burning or pulling your hair on purpose If you are affected you can tell someone you trust, maybe a friend, a teacher or call a helpline If you self-harm, you probably need some help to sort out your problems Most importantly, you must remember, you are not alone There are people you can talk to who will explain why you shouldn't be ashamed of what you're doing To help yourself, do something you like, such as listen to music or write your feelings into a diary

After a while, I made a decision - I was going to stop. I asked her to take my blades away as I felt I'd lost control of my cutting and was numb to it.

She did it but told me it wouldn't be that easy.

She was right. That week I went out and bought more blades. This went on for a few months. Then one week she told me: 'It must be your choice to stop when you feel ready, it doesn't matter if I take your blades away, if you want to cut yourself, you will find something to do it with'.

At the time, I took no notice and carried on self-harming. I turned into a really nasty person and drove everyone away. I hated myself. I pretty much dropped out of school, I had a lot of time on my hands so I started to think back.

This is when I took notice of what my friend said all those months back. I shut myself off from the world and started to take back control.

I did some research and found that people who had come through self-harm did it by drawing and writing. I started writing poems.

At first I would still cut as well but over time I phased it out and replaced cutting with writing.

MORE HELP Charlotte sought help from a charity called LifeSigns. Their website is: www.lifesigns.org.uk You could also call Childline on 0800 1111 Or you could contact the Samaritans on: 08457 90 90 90. Or go to their website: www.youngminds.org.uk For advice on eating disorders: 0845 634 1414 www.b-eat.co.uk

When I began to feel low I would read over old poems to remind myself how far I'd come and to stop myself from going back.

Over time I literally wrote out my self-harm.

Scars faded and I started to move on. I haven't self-harmed for about a year now.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think about it, but the pain of one bad day is much easier to write about than a three-year battle.

In September 2006, I enrolled on a childcare course and I'm just completing my first year. I got a fresh start and I'm using it to my advantage.

For people out there that do self-harm, you need to make a choice to stop and do it for yourself, no-one else can do it for you.

I know it's hard to hear because I've been there. Whatever brought you to self-harm - whether it's people or a situation - is it really worth hurting yourself more because of it?

If you self-harm, they're winning. Don't let them move on and take control. You can do it!

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Here is a selection of the comments you sent in:

Charlotte, thank you for sharing your story in such an open and honest way, I know somone who self-harms and is trying to deal with this issue. I now have a slightly better understanding why they do it. Keep strong. Keep writing. Thank you.
Huw, Cardiff, Wales

I find it so sad whenever I hear of yet another generation being blighted by the curse of self-harm. I am 27 and have been self-harming, also, since I was 13. Unfortunately, unlike Charlotte, I didn't have anyone to talk to and, combined with my then undiagnosed learning disabilities, it lead me to be on anti-depressants from when I was 15 until now. I still self-harm, though occasionally now, and also started comfort eating as a teenager. I feel trapped and isolated, just as I was then, but now I'm an adult and working full-time. I'm meant to have my life sorted by now. Mental health still holds such a stigma and unless we can approach it openly and honestly, more children will grow up through the hell I had to - I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Sharon, London, UK

I can now understand why this girl would harm her body. Thank you for opening your heart to us.
Gloria, Tampa, Florida, United States

My best friend began self-harming when she was 16. I found that most people were generally unsympathetic towards her problems. The expression "she is just doing it for attention" was mentioned on more than one occasion by people she considered friends. When hearing these comments, her self harming took another form. She no longer cut herself where people could see, she would cut herself on her inner thighs. The discovery of these new cuts was accidental but it signalled the worsening of her situation. It acted like a catalyst for me. I took the step of telling her parents about her problems. The combination of support from her parents, her doctor and friends helped her to look more positively on her life. It took four years for her to let go of her demons. With the support of people who truly cared for her, she has finally let her cuts heal. The ability to change must come from within.
Louisa, London, UK

I understand the horror of self-harm. I was bullied at school by many students after I came out as being gay. Physical abuse from others as well as mental abuse was just terrible, it made me feel little and worthless. That's how I started self-harming. I had to end up in hospital to hit it back home just what life is worth. My sister supported me through the latter end of things; she was a great help. It just helps to know you have somebody to support you, and to know that you have somebody who will not judge you.
Daniel, Brighton

I did it thinking nobody knew. Then a girl I had known for years, but we weren't especially close, got me on my own one day and told me she knew. I was horrified because this was such a private thing. I asked her how she knew, and she said that she was the same and showed me her scars. Opening up to my friends, it turned out a further three did it. None of us fell into the stereotype of the gothic / suicidal teen. All of us were bright, from good homes etc, we just weren't happy and this is how we let it out.
Undisclosed, Glasgow

I'm a woman of 21, I started self harming at 16, after struggling with bulimia. I feel very much, like Charlotte, that it is an addiction. Self destructive behaviour in the form of self harm, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and bulimia were cyclical for me; it became so normal to indulge feelings of self-hatred and depression with punishment that I didn't realise that I was feeding my own lack of self worth and social dislocation. Well done Charlotte for telling your story, I hope that this article gives people a bit more of an insight into a little understood and stigmatized condition.
Anonymous