Are women suffering a lifestyle crisis?

A life spent juggling too many roles has left women feeling frustrated, according to a survey by Top Sante magazine.

The poll of 2000 women says that the "have it all" dream of the 1970s and 80s has turned into a "do it all" disaster.

Six out of 10 say their work-life balance, or lack of it, is the greatest obstacle to happiness and 70% feel underpaid.

However, 50% of those surveyed said that they liked their hair and 73% were happy with their height.

Do you agree with the magazine's findings? Can women have it all or is it an impossible dream?

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SUGGEST A DEBATE This topic was suggested by Sue, UK: Are women suffering a lifestyle crisis? Send us your suggestions for Have Your Say debates

A word of advice to all women; stop reading magazines that tell you how to have the perfect body, perfect hair, perfect career, perfect house, cook perfect meals, have a perfect suntan, bring up perfect children, have a perfect Christmas, etc. I guarantee you you'll soon be feeling a lot happier.
Jane, Wales, UK

I think it all became twisted because women felt, or were made to feel, that they could have a career, but would be thought badly of if they could not also raise their children and look after the house and look great at any time. This is nonsense, equality surely should mean that if a woman wants a career and there are children involved then the partner should take on some or even all of those responsibilities. Men never have to choose because women support them, is it not time the compliment was returned.
Monica, Loughborough

People are suffering lifestyle crises, not just women.
Eric, Detroit, USA

Women feel underpaid as we know that all too often a man doing the same work as us IS getting paid more, it's just that their job title and description may be different. We know the scams that companies operate, but they know how to get around the law so that all appears ok, and they can't be taken to court for it.
Sally, UK

Who said life would be easy Hannah, Oxford, England

Who said life would be easy? I think that if you are unhappy you should do something about it. If you aren't prepared to change jobs or do something wild to take stress out of working then you clearly don't want to change it that much. Take charge of your own happiness. If something makes you unhappy then stop doing it.
Hannah, Oxford, England

Why do these women insist on juggling so many things - and then complain when some of them get dropped and broken? Why not simply realise that unless one is extremely skilled and very lucky, it is simply not possible to keep everything aloft at once? I realised this some years ago (I'm 55 now) when I decided that the travel and freedom of my 20's were what I really wanted, and I would have to sacrifice "something" to retain them.

So - I'm single (have had a few long term relationships) and have no children. I also sacrificed a considerable amount of professional advancement. I don't regret it for a minute! I don't resent the fact that MY CHOICE of ambition and lifestyle has precluded a husband and children. Why then do other women resent the fact that their choice of lifestyle is expensive, stressful and "not what they really wanted" all! Decide what the priorities in your life are and go for those. Behave like an adult and maybe those child-like men of yours will begin to do so too!
Elisabeth, Sydney Australia

It's a bit short sighted to attach all the pressures of modern life to just women; us blokes are under a huge amount of pressure to conform. Oh and by the way it's women who write all these magazines filled with diet tips, 200 ways to loose all your body fat, a million ways to make you eye shadow look better...etc etc, as soon as you stop trying to sell this imaginary perfect lifestyle to each other the better we will all be off.
Simon Rerrie, Birmingham, UK

Women and teenage girls will always want the "perfect body" There is the select few that are happy with the way they are and that to me is having it all. The "impossible Dream" I believe is simply being happy with who you are. It's a fact that the media does exploit women, and the majority of women know that.
Kate McIntyre, Fort Mcmurray, Alberta, Canada

So 50% of women like their hair, but 70% feel underpaid-sounds about right considering how much women spend on their hair (and nails and clothes and telephone bills).
M. M. Zaman, UK/US

I've found a great solution: move to a safe and clean socialist society, where the high cost of living makes materialism impractical, and tying my tubes. Who says I have to want it all?
Catherine, Helsinki (US ex-pat)

I want to know why the freedom to do anything and everything has not given women the strength to rise above media pressure (and pressure from men) to be like a glossy paper cut-out. When will we realise that we cannot do everything and learn to choose those things which mean a lot to us. I too feel the pressure to do everything, be everything, look a million bucks, be fit, exciting, outgoing, healthy, well-read, up-to-date with popular culture etc. But I am only human and there are only so many hours in the day. We have the choice, nowadays. Make use of it.
Marianne, Edinburgh

When women said they wanted it all they didn't mean having pressurised careers like men; being expected to keep house; bringing up baby; all while starving themselves into size 10 jeans... they meant they wanted what men have and take for granted, not keep the bad bits and just add more!
Wendy, UK

It's all about finding the right balance Kath, UK

It's all about finding the right balance, which is different for everybody. Some women can thrive on full time work and childrearing - usually with support from their partners. Not all can though. I experimented for a few years after having children, and finally got the balance right. I work at home, in a well paid computing job. I work reduced hours so I only need work in school hours. I can take the kids to school and collect them myself, and attend all their sports days and open assemblies. I'm at home with them work-free from 3.30pm most days. I pay a cleaner so I don't have to spend time cleaning. Oh, and I gave up ironing years ago. Life's too short.
Kath, UK

I think I'm beginning to feel sorry for modern women. I'm approaching my 40th wedding anniversary, and throughout that time my husband and I have shared household chores (mostly I shop, cook and wash, he washes up, cleans and irons)and helped one another in any way possible. We've raised 2 children, both now self-supporting, happy and healthy. I stayed home when it was necessary for the children, he earned the money. I took part time jobs later, and now we both work full time. I've done (and still do) a lot outside the home, we have friends world-wide, we've got very happy memories, and good many more to come. We've never been rich and never will be, but its always been an equal partnership. There are no "rights" in life - you have to earn it. The most important thing of all is to be happy and enjoy what you are doing, whatever it is.
Sally, London, England

I think the people who took the time to complete this lifestyle survey should have spent that time thinking about what makes them unhappy and making changes instead. There are too many wholly negative people out there content to complain rather than make positive changes to their lifestyles. We can all aim for perfect, but surely happy is what we really need to achieve. Rather than wallowing, why not be pro-active!
Caroline, Glasgow

Wow, there seems to be quite a few women out there who have married total and utter slobs. Absolutely unbelievable. Either enforce your authority or kick them out, there is no way on this planet I would disrespect my wife enough to expect her to do my ironing if she'd been at work all day. I think we have it pretty much sorted, I work, cook, do at least 1/2 the housework and all the garden and she does the rest and looks after our son when I am at work. Seems fair to me, I'm happy with it. It goes completely over my head when I hear people moaning about their partner's laziness - do they not talk to each other?
Sympathetic Hubby, England

I do work hard (same hours as my husband), and do most of the cooking, cleaning and washing at home but I have no problem with this as he does all the scary DIY (electrics, painting the house, gardening, plumbing etc.) whilst leaving me to do the fun DIY of painting/interior design. I have realised women feel put upon if they do not communicate with their partner, mine irons all his shirts but if he needs one urgently for a meeting I am happy to step in.
The only stress that is being put on women is by themselves. Make sure you make time for yourself and your hobbies and somehow the 'chores' will do themselves and you'll feel happier and won't even worry about minor things such as trying to look like a celebrity as you simply will be happy. If you really want to do something you will make time to do it. I think we should be thankful that women have so many more opportunities that they ever have had before, we should celebrate this rather than complain about it.
Anna, Wolverhampton

I'm one of the lucky ones whose work recognises the importance of the work/life balance. This means (other than the odd occasion) my 9 - 5 job remains just that. I continuously hear about companies that virtually flog their workers to death and it makes me mad - do they not realise that their workers would be more productive if they encouraged a better balance?! We constantly hear about the UK having the longest working hours - this in combination with high taxes and low wages is a sure fire lead to stress and unhappiness.
Kate, Godalming, UK

Both Em and Imran have it spot on. Nobody needs this absurd 'striving' for material goods, cars, big houses etc. Advertising and the media are partly to blame, for sure, but people need to look at their own collusion with this 'system'. Like Imran I don't feel any need to compare myself with Brad Pitt or whoever. Be satisfied with what you have, and concentrate on the spiritual, not the material.
Julian Blake, London, UK

Quality is better than quantity Em, Chesterfield, UK

You don't have to have it all; Greed, Vanity, Pride and the media state that this is your right, but you have to understand that this firstly means you have to work hard for it (so stop whinging when you do work hard) and secondly it's selfishly creating unsustainable pressures on the society and the environment. Quality is better than quantity. People should consider stopping wanting it all and focus on what they can realistically achieve. The idea that you can have it all, and should, is pure fantasy. Why not settle for what you need. Take pleasure in the little things (such as your home town not being overrun and burnt to the ground) instead of what the media portrays as a 'have it all' existence.
Em, Chesterfield, UK

I am a little depressed by comments from women complaining about how they have to "look after" their husbands despite working full-time, bringing up the kids etc. Why do we still feel we have to 'look after' grown men? Ladies - refuse to do more than you fair share and have the self-respect to expect his support in return. It's about partnership, not servitude. He'll soon learn to iron his shirt if you don't do it for him.
JC (getting married next month!), London, UK

Yesterday, whilst travelling home from London on my daily 2hr commute home, I found myself discussing what I was to be doing with my free time that evening. To my horror I actually heard myself saying "I'm doing a pasta salad for tea and then i've got to iron my partners shirts for his business trip tomorrow" ! Hello?!?! I'm 28 years old working a 40hr week with a 20hr commute on top. I spend most weekends wracked with guilt that i'm not seeing friends and family as i've got household chores to ensure everyone is clean, healthy, happy and fed. Where is my happiness? A report like this just highlights what a rod we women have made for our own backs. Its too easy for us to accept the pressure we heap on ourselves. For the record I discussed the ironing issue with my partner and he was only to happy to take it onboard... why didnt I ask earlier!?
Sally, Southampton

Well, thank your lucky stars you aren't doctors. My wife is and for her it really IS hell. Let me explain. A typical week might be: Mon 08:30hrs - Tue 13:00hrs Wed 08:30hrs - 19:00hrs Thu 08:30hrs - 19:00hrs Fri 08:30hrs - Sat 10:00hrs Sun Prepare papers / presentation / research notes Then there is moving house every six months, media pressure to be like ER, unreasonable behaviour / expectations from patients / patient's families and all the other tasks and stresses of everyday life, as detailed elsewhere. I have a 4 hour commute each day, do the laundry and ironing (except fitted shirt / blouses (how DO you get them flat?)) do the shopping and cleaning. Occasionally we actually see each other too!
Tim, UK

Haven't we come an awfully long way in the wrong direction? Gosh. It's sad, but it seems that human nature dictates that if you have no real problems (see Shanti, London) then you must create some for yourself (see Nicki, Manchester), rather than helping out others.
skid, Cambridge

That survey has confirmed my grim suspicion that we are a nation unfulfilled, put upon. I am 29, work full-time in a demanding job, main breadwinner, pay all the bills, do all the chores and look after our son. The media (and my partner!) expect me to be aggressive in the boardroom, be a tigress in the bedroom, mother nature to my son, remember all the birthdays, the right brand of beer and the PT kit whilst blasting cellulite, hitting the gym and perfecting my tan. Oh, and if I am not hosting fantastic dinner parties for our friends every Saturday in my immaculate house then what on earth am I doing with my time!?
This is from a women who did feminism a University and agreed that household chores and child care would be shared from the start. Dream on - you either live on your own and do it all or you live with a man and do it all and more! Fed up!
Nicki, Manchester

I have my health, my family and my friends. I count myself fortunate to have a roof over my head, a job to go to and food to eat. I don't judge my happiness by how much I look like Nicole Kidman, nor do I waste my precious time complaining about how hard done to I am. You can't have it all, nor should you want to. A little realism wouldn't go amiss...
Anna, Bristol, UK

Men aren't any happier you know which is why so many more of them commit suicide. The grass isn't greener on the other side and the feminist movement has got a lot to answer for in creating a society where women either feel unvalued or over stressed. The sad truth is most young families need two incomes; everyone is stretched to the limit. This is precisely why anxiety attacks, stress and alcohol/drug dependency is such a feature of British society.
Jeremy Coster, London UK

Hey, my life is pretty peachy. The secret of success is to do temp work close to home, keep to the shortest hours possible, don't get married and don't have kids. I only worked for 8 months last year, currently I'm home by 4:10pm and live with my girlfriend who isn't interested in babies. Bliss.
Jim Coleman, Basingstoke, Hants

I'm really happy with the way things are. I live with my partner and do nearly everything around the house; I have a full-time, hard-working job and a marvellous social life. It's all just a case of knowing what your duties are but also knowing what you deserve. I like to look after my man, my house and myself, and do so with ease. I am very comfortable with the way I look too - I think the women in this survey are just being weak and they need to look at the big picture, pull themselves together and just take everything as it comes. Women are powerful creatures and should not let themselves be torn down by society, work, men or anything.
Sophie, Reading, Berkshire

Stress is as a result of modern western society. Cost of housing and living in the UK forces many to work full time and longer hours than they would like. The healthy balance between work and 'time for self' becomes tipped in the wrong direction. Also if you want a career or use your skills then you many as well rule out part-time work since most part-time jobs tend to be the poorer paid and lower skilled jobs. Most employers want 40 hours a week.

Quote from the article : "The way to restore work-life balance was to define work hours and stick to them, she said." Yes, try telling your employer that I only want to work 20 hours a week over 3 days so I have time for me outside of work.
David, Manchester

These women need to get a grip and take some responsibility for their own happiness Shanti M (Miss), London England

These women need to get a grip and take some responsibility for their own happiness (something most women are notoriously bad at) - thank their lucky stars they're not living somewhere like Sudan where a report on this site just today says women are risking rape, AIDS and unwanted pregnancy every time they go to get some water for their families! Or anywhere else where misogyny, starvation and brutality are the everyday lot of women and girls.
Self-indulgent whingeing comes from having no sense of perspective, and expecting external things to make you happy and make you feel good. Grow up!
Shanti M (Miss), London England

The survey results show that women are at last having to wake up to the real world. Men have been stuck on the work treadmill for centuries
Jerry, Brighton, UK

Jerry from Brighton; you're right men have been on the work treadmill for years but they haven't traditionally been expected to do all that AND the family shopping in their lunch hours, and raise the children and keep house in their so called "spare time". Enjoy your pipe and slippers.
Nic, Avon

Agree with Jerry from Brighton, this is how the world is when (in theory) anything is attainable, and if you don't go for it someone else will. Men have been in the rat race for centuries and often expected to be the sole family provider, often without any support. Whatever you do its never going to be enough - more holidays, nicer clothes, bigger house, new car. Once you realize its never going to stop you accept it, work hard and enjoy your social time. Time to wake up ladies, if you want a modern finacially independant lifestyle this is what it takes. There is no safety net. At least women still have a get-out clause (home maker) which for men still has some stigma attached to it. For most men its given that we'll just do it.
Pete, London

I see my sister trying to have it all & get herself overtired constantly ill & not functioning properly in any role. I have two children under the age of three. I gave up work as soon as the first child was born as childcare costs were too high & I would worry constantly if she was ok. This meant really having to budget & cut down on a lot of life's luxuries but I think that we are all happier than if I were at work.
Being at home with the children isn't a breeze, I often feel cut off & isolated from the real world. None of my friends have children & since my new baby arrived in December I do not even get invited out anymore which doesn't help my self esteem too much. All this aside I would not change a thing & until our children start full time education I do not see our situation changing too much.
Lisa Davies, Bristol

Absolutely, unlike men, heaven would be on an unoccupied beach, drink, cigarette, sun, perfect peace with a nice meal and clean bed to go home to. Having brought up three children single handed, bought and renovated a house, sold it moved on, helped children through university, I am only just beginning to think about work life balance. Our society has it wrong, our expectations unrealistic.
Pauline Greaves, Leicester

We added so much to our life since the 70's that we lose track of what matters anymore. Obesity, depression, migraines have been the consequence of cumulating our work and family life, in an attempt to reconcile "old" values and "new" ones. On one side, we fight to try to get recognition at work with low pay and "do it all" policies vaguely mentioned in contracts under the term "any other duties", and at home, with sorting food shopping, nursery bills, family life and house chores.

Men basically stayed at a level where they can either lead a single "mate" life or have a traditional family life, both of them showing a certain lax attitude and a routine level that leave women to cope with it all. That "old boy" attitude needs sorting out. We need recognition and fairness in a day-to-day life. Please, guys, help us at home!
Sonia, Oxford

Marry money darlings! then you only have to juggle hair and nail appointments.
Amanda S, Newcastle Upon Tyne

Do-it-all is the harsh reality of have-it-all. Unlike my grandparents era, women are given 'the choice' of having a career, but are still also 'expected' to have a family. personally I feel the pressure of the 'have it all' lifestyle, like its expected of women today, when in reality it's an impossible drain on your energy and just makes you exhausted! P.S. I still haven't decided which one I want, career or family... but I think my mother has given up on becoming a Gran anytime soon!
Jodie (28) Schofield, Manchester UK

My husband selects his favourite bits of housework to do Sue Wilkinson, York, UK

I feel claustrophobic. I'm indoors at work, shop indoors, get stuck with all the housework, most of the cooking and definitely all the ironing. I work in full time clerical and my husband is a part-time teacher and as I earn a little more than him I get the lion's share of the bills. My husband selects his favourite bits of housework to do, i.e doing the back garden, the Sunday Roast and the Tuesday curry. I'm going out of my head. I can't afford the "recovery time" after going out for a relaxing drink with work mates, and neither can they. Will we all run to the hills at once? Is there room?
Sue Wilkinson, York, UK

Well, I suppose this puts paid to the 'women are better at multitasking' myth.
David, Bristol, UK

I feel as if I am constantly on a tread mill chasing my tail, despite not having children, I find it very hard to fit in a full time demanding job, running the home, looking after husband and doing all the chores, which includes a properly cooked meals very evening - no convenience foods. I fit in the gym in my lunch hour, yet I still feel unfit, fat and undervalued.
Blanche D, Kimpton, Herts

Well I presume the make up of the British Social structure is partly to blame for the inadequacies that people feel in themselves. The media is doing a great job in boosting this feeling of inferiority complex amongst us. But as far as I am concerned, I never tend to compare myself with Brad Pitt or any other "hot dude". If they are good looking good for them! It's all just a hype and fooling around with the psychology of our mentally vulnerable public by the media.
Imran Gohar, Godalming, UK

I have to agree with Michael Hogan, this isn't just a female thing... I think most men are also stressed and dissatisfied, they may not worry about exactly the same things but that doesn't mean they are living in a land of milk and honey. Modern life with its emphasis on success/status/possessions is stressful and it is mostly a media/celebrity driven phenomena.

We simply don't appreciate what we have, I'm pretty sure it would be a lot more stressful to live in a mud hut in Africa with constant food shortages and the only source of clean drinking water a 10 mile walk away, but we don't think about that, instead we complain about not being able to afford a new car or a holiday in the sun and get stressed about missing an episode of Coronation street!
Andy, Basingstoke, England

Guilt is a feeling most women have because as we juggle all the things in our life we are never really giving our full attention to any. Trying to keep everyone in our lives happy leaves us neglecting ourselves more often than not and we run out of steam.
Emma, Burton-on-Trent

Absolutely! I'm a good 10 kilos overweight, I drink too much (fortunately "only" wine), smoke and so spend too much money, get no exercise (haven't got the time) and generally battle through as a single parent with a difficult full-time job. Weekends are a round of shopping/washing/cleaning and then it all starts again.
Sue, France

It's astounding that so many women fail to make the connection between real life and fantasy. The media's hold over women must be incredible. To compare yourself in any way to a celebrity is utterly insane. Celebrity women are millionaires whose job is to look good. Its depressing that many British women are so vain, shallow and naive that they are now depressed that their "magazine given" right to be a perfect mother, fashion model and corporate CEO has now been found to be a myth.
Nigel Lopez-McBean, London

I'm totally fed up with the overbearing and unnecessary stress of living life in 21st century Britain. Where I live the cost of property is going through the roof, crime is out of control, people are unfriendly and angry and the only relief 95% of people get is by getting plastered on drink on Friday and Saturday night. My husband and I are moving to Australia in September to bring up our children in a friendlier, cheaper, less violent and more family friendly environment. I pity all working women in the UK - they just haven't got a chance of a decent quality of life when you look at everything.
Jenny Lister, UK(soon to be ex UK)

I do applaud people like Jenny, UK, who have the guts to examine what is wrong with their lives and make the associated changes. However I do worry about the increasing number of families seeking an appropriate work/life balance abroad. Surely the key to achieving this utopia of family life is to make British industry stand up and listen; we are all over-worked, over-stressed and oh so over the rat race. It's about time we invested more in changing working conditions in the UK as well as the expectations of 'superwomendom' heaped upon us by the media to make life altogether more manageable.
Rebecca Southwell, UK

Rebecca Southwell and others are right to say that we should aim to change our living and working conditions. The problem is that this won't suit the powerful corporations, their wealthy owners and greedy shareholders who want to squeeze every drop out of their employees to maximise their profits. Instead of moving abroad, move out of London, cut your expectations and live a cheaper, safer, calmer life. The 'having it all' dream was 80s propaganda designed to make people think that sacrificing their lives to corporations was a desirable lifestyle choice.
Mark McInnes, London