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Wednesday, 2 January, 2002, 10:37 GMT
Christmas crackers: Tell us your favourite joke
![]() The search is still on for the world's funniest joke and a UK psychologist has just revealed the first results from his Laugh Lab, set up to find out what sort of gags make us all chuckle.
The experiment on the internet reviewed 10,000 jokes with the help of 100,000 surfers from more than 70 countries. Males preferred jokes that involved aggression, putting women down and sexual innuendo; women preferred jokes that played on words. With Christmas just around the corner, we want to know what is your funniest Christmas cracker joke. Although cracker jokes are notoriously bad, we hope you can come up with some real Christmas crackers! This debate is now closed. Read a selection of your comments below.
Your reaction
Three: one to change the lightbulb, one to buy them the official Manchester United Lightbulb Changing Memorabilia pack, and the other one to drive them all back to Surrey. CNS, Durham, England A horse goes into a pub.
The barman says,
'What's with the long face?'
Q: What do you call a vicar on a motorbike?
How people without a sense of humour does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: "Oi! Get out! We don't want your type in here".
Q: What do baby apes sleep in?
A: No idea. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no idea. Clive, UK
Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Q: What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
Q: What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Q: What do you call a woman that fell off a cliff?
Q: There are three budgies in a cage: one at the top, one in the middle, one at the bottom. Which one owns the cage?
A man goes into a butcher's and says "Do you keep dripping?" and the butcher replies "Yes, it's very embarrassing."
Two cows in a field. First cow: "What do you reckon to all this mad cow disease business then?"
An Irishman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman go into a pub. The barman sighs and says, "Look, is this some sort of joke?"
No tomatoes. Ben Drake, York, UK
Q: Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
Two tankers have collided in the south Atlantic, one carrying brown paint, the other carrying purple paint. The crews are said to be marooned.
Christmas in Star Wars land and Darth Vader says to Luke Skywalker, "Luke, I know what you are getting for Christmas," and Skywalker replies "How?"
"Because I have felt your presents," replies Vader.
A man goes to the doctor with a wombat growing out of his head. The doctor says "My God - how did that happen?" and the wombat says "Well doctor, it started as a boil on my backside."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Q: How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget.
Q: Who wore the first shell suit?
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "Can you drive this thing?"
Two fish are sat on a perch, one says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
What do you call a fly with no wings?
What do you call a woman who delivers puppies?
What you call a man who's scared of Christmas?
Q: hen is a jar not a jar?
Q: What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa?
A train full of tortoises crashed into a busload of terrapins.
There were two cannibals eating a clown and one says "Does this taste funny to you?"
Q: How many hairdressers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many people with no sense of humour does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Q. What's brown and sticky?
My favourite joke is: What do you call a man who sleeps in leaves?
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb......?
Did you know that stifle is an anagram of itself?
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