Pakistan: 'Bastion of freedom'

The BBC Urdu service's Masud Alam takes a wry look at freedoms in military-led Pakistan compared with those on offer in the West.

The generals fancied a little light entertainment

Freedom, like happiness and embarrassment, can be found in the most unlikely places.

I went looking for it - freedom, that is - across three continents and then returned home to find it here. Absolute, complete and unadulterated freedom for all, right here in Pakistan.

It's the kind of freedom people living in the West may envy all they can - but will never enjoy for themselves because they are so shackled by laws, bylaws, regulations and conventions.

They are so hemmed in that they cannot figure out for themselves what freedom is.

The Americans even had to include "pursuit of happiness" in their constitution! And how do they go about this pursuit?

In Pakistan every citizen has, and exercises at will, the right to free speech, any time, anywhere Send views on this column

Every week-end they stand dutifully in long queues outside night clubs, suffer humiliation at the hands of foul-mouthed bouncers, get served insipid, ridiculously low-alcohol beer at exorbitant prices, and are subjected to music so loud, no one can make out how bad it is...

Here in Pakistan, nothing and no-one is allowed to stand in the way of an honest citizen's right to do as they please.

Stealing the show

The other day, some of the top army generals finished a hard day's work at a conference in Islamabad and decided they'd earned a bit of entertainment.

Buoyed by their own spontaneity, they had that evening's sold-out performance of the musical Bombay Dreams cancelled for ticket-paying patrons, and enjoyed an exclusive viewing of Pakistani girls dancing to Indian music director AR Rehman's tunes.

That's freedom! Freedom to steal the show, in this case.

Traffic rules are routinely ignored

Even though alcohol is banned by law, industrialists are free to run breweries and entrepreneurs make up the shortfall through bootleg operations.

As a result, a Pakistani gets his beer (scotch in mild weather, vodka in winter) delivered at the doorstep by a friendly neighbourhood bootlegger, at roughly the same price, if not less, than an American pays for a similar brand at a liquor store.

London has its Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park, where political workers, religious zealots and nutcases of all varieties stage a shouting match on Sundays.

But in Pakistan every citizen has, and exercises at will, the right to free speech, any time, anywhere.

The head of a mosque in the capital routinely and publicly humiliates the government and threatens it with suicide bomb attacks.

But the government still pays towards the running costs of two seminaries whose students are urged to carry out his threats.

'Sexuality in Pakistan'

The media is free to go on speculating about a "deal" between President Musharraf and the opposition Pakistan People's Party (PPP), just as both parties are within their rights to forcefully deny it today and coyly admit to it tomorrow.

And audiences are also free to decide they are not bothered one way or the other.

My colleague, Sanwal, interviewed a roadside vendor in Lahore for a feature on "Sexuality in Pakistan".

This man called himself Dr Khan - or something similar - and sold herbal remedies for sexually-transmitted diseases. He told Sanwal his line of business does well all year round because "men exercise as little control over their sexual organs as they do over their tongues and minds".

It's still easy to obtain a tipple in Pakistan

This is the extent of freedom enjoyed by men in Pakistan. As for women, they are also free, as pointed out by President Musharraf, to seek emigration to Europe or Canada by pretending to be victims of sexual crimes.

The political system is just as emancipated. Unlike the West, where power tends to revolve between a handful of politicians, the Pakistani model is far more inclusive.

It has made popular political figures out of serving and retired army generals, World Bank executives, illiterate land owners, semi-literate industrialists, simple-minded sons and daughters of public figures... Everyone is free to be a leader.

At the street level, there's even more freedom. Pakistanis don't require a driving licence to operate anything from a motorcycle to a heavy vehicle, neither are the local police fussy about regulating the traffic.

'No ganja'

Regulations, most Pakistanis believe, are just another instrument of state oppression that has no place in a free and just society like theirs.

So motorists go about fluttering all over the unmarked roads which they share with pedestrians, hawkers, cyclists and horse-drawn carts.

The only rule is: when in doubt, honk. Motorists here believe in honking more than they trust their brakes or steering wheel, and definitely more than their eyes.

Benazir Bhutto - rumours of a deal with Musharraf

I generally dislike noise. Perhaps the policeman in the middle of the square does too. But he cannot interfere with the freedom of citizens to honk as much as they like.

I'm impressed with the amount and variety of freedom exercised in this country. And it beats me why the tourism ministry hasn't thought of highlighting the fact in its brochures, especially in "Visit Pakistan" year!

Maybe they don't need to spread the word.

I ran into three working-class Britons, sitting in a foul mood outside a café across the road from Rose and Jasmine Garden where their camp site was. One of them approached me, and pointed an accusing finger at my person.

He hissed: "We worked hard and saved money for this holiday. We could have gone anywhere. But we chose Pakistan. You know why, mate? Because of its ganja. Now we are here and we have no ganja!"

Freedom - even to get stoned - is not a commodity that can be taken for granted.

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If you have a comment on this article, please use the form below.

Wickedly funny!!
Kalidas, Australia

I loved reading this article. We could do with a lot more humour like this in our homeland.
Qurratulain Zaman, Lahore, Pakistan

I am deeply distressed to read your one-sided and obviously biased account of life in Pakistan, so uncharacteristic of the normal high quality of BBC articles. I have never visited Pakistan but I have read her history. So please do not attempt to whitewash all the abuses so apparent to any sensible impartial observer. The lack of democracy, the ill-treatment of minorities, the kidnappings and killings of political figures, the widespread corruption and the increasing tide of Islamic fundamentalism all give cause for serious concern. If Pakistan is so free, why, do so many Pakistanis migrate and choose to live elsewhere?
Edward Hoh, Dunedin, New Zealand

Hilarious read. You just cannot hate Pakistan.
Adil Zafar, Stockholm, Sweden

Two disbeliefs: 1) That such trash is put to paper, and 2) It is on a BBC website.
Noel Almeida, Brisbane, Australia

Nicely done... I am sure that amid all this chaos there are still some good sides of Pakistan, and I would urge the writer to enlighten us on those as well if he may.
Muhammad Abbas, Karachi, Pakistan

Are you kidding? You can get the best ganja in the world in Pakistan. When I went couple of years ago, the stuff was growing wild in fields everywhere. It was, quite literally the most common wild growing plant I could see. And everyone was smoking it. Not hard to get hold of trust me. You just gotta ask someone, literally, anyone.
Scuzz, London

Its is a very well written essay, but I feel really bad and sorry for the author. I think he had been in a very bad company or in a very bad situation in Pakistan. I am not disagreeing with what is stated in the article, but I strongly disagree with what impression he is trying to give. The things highlighted in this article happen in each and every country on the face of this earth, it is the ratio of good compared to bad which is more important - and as we speak there are more good things in Pakistan than there are bad. I am a very proud Pakistani and I am very proud of the current government. Although the rule of law may not be very strong, people have the freedom to bring up their families without much state interference unless they are criminals.
Muhammad Ali, Basingstoke, UK

It is true. Everybody does what ever they feel like in my country, and in that respect Pakistan is light years ahead of many other countries of the world.
Anwar, Karachi, Pakistan

Are you only capable of publishing critical and derogatory features about Pakistan? Is this a deliberate policy on part of the BBC - that the only stories/features to be published are those that put Pakistan in a bad light? Mr Alam, you obviously resent your home country either for what it is or what it represents, but turning yourself into a lackey for the purposes of entertainment is downright embarrassing. Your article is superficial and weak. At any point you could take the word 'Pakistan' out and replace it with any other country name, and all the above would still be true. Whatever your day job is, please stick to that.
Naeem Malik, Manchester, UK

"In Pakistan every citizen has, and exercises at will, the right to free speech, any time, anywhere." I don't believe this applies to areas where people are imprisoned and put on trial for their comments against mullahs, accused of insulting religion and religious authority. Furthermore, people are free to speak as long as it doesn't concern authority, be it political, religious or tribal. Freedom in Islamabad alone can not be a metaphor for freedom in all the country.
Azad, Quetta, Pakistan

Bravo! Our local media lacks such crystal clear reflection on the state of affairs here in Pakistan. Yes we are a third world country, but clearly you can see the apathy that is an intrinsic part of being Pakistani (most times). Great article.
Mushhood, Islamabad, Pakistan

You know what? Complaining and rambling about what's wrong in our country has never helped. And never will help. Criticism should lead to something productive, otherwise it's just a deluge of bitter and scornful words.
Nida Khan, Lahore, Pakistan

Hilarious! quite True, realistic, but it is really funny.
Sadiq Ali Bohra, Hyderabad, Pakistan

I found Masud Alam's pieces wonderfully witty and informative. His pieces about Pakistan are better than the majority of anti-Pakistan pieces on the BBC.
Murtaza Shibli, London, UK

This entire write up is very accurate. Pakistan has degenerated into a society ruled by terrorists, thugs and spineless generals.
Mohammed, Lahore, Pakistan

Very well written. The author proves that he has gone inside out to observe real Pakistan. A Pakistan where everyone is free to say, do, get whatsoever he/she wants. There is no restriction on anyone to malign anybody. Anyone can threaten anybody with fierce consequences.
Rehan Masood, Karachi, Pakistan

The article is very interesting and written in a subtle sarcastic and cynical way which in the end makes it quite entertaining. "Freedom to get stoned" seems to sum it all up, because no one can be serious about wishing that kind of "freedom".
Osvaldo Gonsa, Frankfurt, Germany

Wow its quite amazing to note that since our beloved Masud Alam has decided to settle down in Pakistan, he has only noticed negative aspects of society. No doubt, there might be negatives more then positives, but a BBC reporter should try to maintain a balance between the two sides. Otherwise he will appear desperately short sighted.
Zarrar A Mirza, Manchester, UK

Yes. There is a lot of freedom... Everyone is free to buy weapons openly. The police are free to take bribes. Politicians are free join with President Musharraf whenever they want. The president is free to dismiss the constitution whenever it suits him. George Bush and his allies are free to lecture the world about the dangers of dictatorships while conveniently ignoring the fact that their friend Musharraf runs a military government.
Tehsin Ullah Jan, Peshawar, Pakistan

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