'My life as a runaway soldier'

The soldier is constantly looking over his shoulder

He spends his life constantly looking over his shoulder wondering if the next knock at the door will be the military police.

Soldier 'X' knows it is making him paranoid and that he has to keep on the move often only spending a week in one location.

Sometimes family members give him money, other times he gets casual work and then there are the times he sleeps rough.

But he told a BBC Panorama investigation, into soldiers who go AWOL, even this chaotic lifestyle is preferable to the frontline.

His main fear is that if caught, "They could send me back to Iraq and Afghanistan and I can't accept that.

"As bad as my life might be constantly on the run, I couldn't accept that."

I don't believe I'm a coward, but if I could go back to that day when I was in the recruiting office just about to sign on the line I'd say 'no mate' AWOL soldier

It was his traumas in Iraq that set this perpetual journey in motion.

"I didn't come back from Iraq in the same state of mind I left.

"My friends were like, you're in a mess man.

"I became withdrawn and sometimes when I woke up I couldn't handle the day.

He claims the army authorities showed him no sympathies.

'Army ridicule'

"They laughed about it - as they would do. I mean a sick man is no good to them.

"Therefore they sort of ridiculed the fact that people do get down in the army and do have problems."

The soldier had several years experience and denies he was not tough enough for the army.

"I know they'll be a lot of soldiers out there probably disappointed with what I'm saying.

"They may be angry even but I know they'll be a lot of soldiers out there saying 'yeah man I'm glad he's done that, I'm glad he's made a point' because there are issues that need to be addressed.

Military fugitive

He added: "I don't believe I'm a coward, but if I could go back to that day when I was in the recruiting office just about to sign on the line I'd say 'no mate'.

"You don't realise what you're getting into."

Back to reality he sees no immediate end to his life as a military fugitive.

"I don't see a limit on it, I don't.

"Eventually they'll stop looking for me and I'll be able to just carry on as if I've never been in the army.

"Hopefully just blank that out - the whole experience out of my mind."

Panorama: Soldiers on the run is on BBC One 26 March 2007 at 2030 BST.